The Unseen Women Warriors #BreakTheBias #BreakTheSilence

Today, on the occasion of Women’s Day, I will deviate from our regular career management topic as I want to talk about a topic that is very close to my heart: the Silent Women Warriors.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge the many women who are fighting battles in silence. I also want to raise your awareness about abuse in the hope of breaking the bias that too often make us blind to those around us who are suffering alone.

When speaking of abuse, most people will think of physical abuse and the majority associate such abuse to lower education / lower income households. This is a bias. And one that is hurting many women around you. Possibly women that you love and care about.

In fact, physical abuse only represents approx. 10% of abuse cases. The majority of intimate partner abuse cases are emotional and psychological abuse, as well as financial coercion and control, and legal abuse post separation. The great majority of victims of abuse are women. And important to note is that such non-physical abuse is mostly affecting households of higher education and higher income.

So, if you think that abuse is not present in your close circle because “it does not affect people like us”, you are expressing a bias and one that means you may not be available to support loved ones who suffer in silence.

Psychological abuse is a lifetime subscription, one that cannot be canceled. ?It’s where “until death do us part” takes its whole meaning. It’s an endless uphill battle, the perfect incarnation of the Sysiphe mythe. It takes an already psychologically damaged person and drains that person’s hopes, energy, time, finances, and freedom.

When we talk about intersectionality in topics such as gender equality, we aim to overcome biases that add to one another. The problem with abuse is that it’s invisible, even for the well-intentioned friends. It's also very hard to prove, especially in systems where it is not recognised and criminalised - which still today is mostly the case. But abuse is there and it destroys lives. It’s a battle that affects every aspect of a person’s life and most importantly their capacity to look towards a brighter future and thrive. It robs women of their freedom and robs them from an equal opportunity at rebuilding their life.

What can you do to fight this invisible bias?

• Educate yourself about abuse.
• Be conscious that people may be fighting silent battles, pay attention, ask questions, offer a free space to speak, offer support, listen.
• Do not judge. On the outside, abuse very much looks like couple bickering. It’s not. Ironically, household where there is abuse will often look like the perfect couples or families making it difficult to buy-in to the complaints of the victim which in turn helps the abuser further isolate its victim and make them less credible.
• There is no mutual responsibility for the conflicts in abusive relationships, there is an abuser – often ready to go to great lengths to hurts its victim - and there is a victim.
• Refrain from victim blaming. From the outside, it’s difficult to understand the complex web in which the victim is stuck. It often takes years and multiple attempts to exit such relationships. In fact, the most dangerous and difficult part for the victim is often after the separation as the abuser retaliates with what is called separation violence. This is also when most femicides take place. Walking out of abuse is no easy task. Recovering from the trauma of abuse is an even greater task.
• Be patient. It’s a long process that requires many allies.

So today, for women’s day, I want to honour all the women warriors who fight against abuse in silence.

I genuinely hope this will become less taboo because in the fight for abuse, education and understanding of the mechanisms of abuse are critical to helping women identify abuse earlier and for those around to understand the complex control dynamics at play. It is an area that is still massively underserved, where systems need to be abuse and trauma informed and where much, much support, advocacy and change are still needed.

So if you have to do one thing for Women’s Day, go and educate yourself about abuse and have that difficult but much needed talk with your daughter, sister, cousin and other women in your life.

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