The Unseen Architect

"We are not self-made. We are shaped by those who had the courage to love us when we were unlovable." - Fred Rogers

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Some people shine so brightly that the world cannot ignore them.

Others stand in the background, quietly shaping everything, holding everything together, sacrificing pieces of themselves so others can rise.

And sometimes, the world never even knows their names.

I have walked into rooms where decisions shift economies. I have stood in places where power is currency, where names carry weight. People have looked at me and seen only the finished version - the polished success, the clement leader, or the relentless one who made it*.

But they do not see the storms I walked through. They do not see the nights that stretched into dawn, filled with doubt, exhaustion, and struggle. They do not see the force that held me together when I was falling apart.

They see me - But they do not see her** - And without her, there would be no me - and I would not be here.

Notes

* More captured in The Faces I Wear

** Read on – revealed later ??

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A Life of Sacrifice (A Love Without Limits)

I grew up in a home where survival was a daily battle. There were no silver spoons. There were no safety nets. There were only long hours, exhausted hands, and a love so fierce it defied circumstances.

She woke up before the sun, moving through the house with quiet purpose, ensuring everything was in place before the day began. Long after the world had settled, she remained awake - tending, preparing, watching over us, making sure tomorrow would be just a little easier than today.

Yet, no matter how tired she was, she always asked, “Did you eat today?”

Never, “I am exhausted.” Never, “I had a hard day.” Never, “I need rest.”

Because her needs always came second.

And still, she smiled.

She made our tiny home feel like the safest place in the world. She made a meal out of whatever little we had. She made hope out of nothing.

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The Silent Struggles (I Never Saw - Until Now)

There are things I only understand now, things I did not see when I was younger.

I remember dinners – always at home – no dine ins and no takeout. All made from scratch – she claimed that it is tastier (back then I didn’t feel it was – today I yearn for it) – little did I know that a family of five couldn’t afford 10 basic shawarmas (gyros) or 5 fast food meals. That was luxury we couldn’t afford even once a month.

I remember how she would sit beside me as I worked on my school homework, unable to help with the details but always offering encouragement, making sure I had everything I needed, and reminding me that I was capable of figuring it out. How she fixed my uniform, how she made sure I was never ashamed of where I came from (always stay true to your roots she said – they will hold you for life).

I remember how she made our home into a small nursery to take care of infants while their mothers went to work. What I didn’t realize that that the circus at our home (8-9 annoying, boisterous kids running around) paid for our school uniforms and extracurricular activities.

She never told me. Because she did not want me to feel any less. Because she did not want me to see the silent sacrifices she made, the little things she gave up making sure we always had enough.

Little did I know this and little did I know that - behind every one of those small moments was a sacrifice I never even noticed.

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The Teachings (of an Unseen Petite Giant)

People often ask me, "What does it take to succeed?"

I could say ambition. I could say discipline. I could say resilience.

But the truth is, I learned everything I needed to know from her.

She taught me that:

- Always sit on top of the chair – the chair should never sit on top of you

- Strength is not about never falling - it is about always getting back up.

-????True wealth is not in what you own - it is in how much you give.

-????Feet on ground, be down to earth, never challenge gravity – what goes up will come down.

-????Your name is your greatest asset - protect it with integrity.

She led by example, without ever calling herself a leader. She built a future she never got to enjoy. And yet, she never once complained.

Because her greatest success was never her own - it was mine.

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The Reveal

I remember the day when everything changed. When my name was spoken with admiration. When I stepped into a position of influence. When people looked at me and said, “You have made it”.

I quickly wanted to share my success with her – so I dialed her (back in the village). With a lot of enthusiasm (and excitement) I told her about my achievement. With a calm and composed voice she asked me “Am I Happy”? – silence followed – and I couldn’t say much after – something hit me hard.

That night, when the celebrations were over, when the noise had faded and the room was silent, I did not think about the future.

I thought about her hands - worn from years of sacrifice. I thought about her voice - telling me, "Wherever you go, you bring light." I thought about her love - foundation of everything I have become.

I made it, yes. But in truth, she made it first.

Because every success I have today - was built on her sleepless nights, her prayers, her faith and belief in me. And now, finally, it is time the world knows who she is.

She is my mother* - She is the woman behind** my everything - She is the unseen architect of my life.

Notes

* The ode to my hero (my father) is captured? in The Incredible Hulk

** There’s another one beside my everything (du tai). I will dedicate a blog to her one day. ??

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The Hands That Built Me, The Heart That Led Me

(By Adnan Chilwan)

She carried the weight so I could run,

Gave me her sky, hid from her sun.

With weary hands, she shaped my fate,

With love so fierce, yet never late.

Her feet have walked through fire and stone,

Yet never let me feel alone.

She gave me more than I could see,

Her silent strength was guiding me.

She dreamed no dreams beyond my own,

Her joy was seeing how much I had grown.

And though I rise, and though I soar,

Her name is carved on every door.

She mended clothes, she stitched my pride,

She wiped my tears, stood by my side.

She fought through nights when hope seemed lost,

Yet paid my dreams with her own cost.

She never sought a grand acclaim,

No titles hung beside her name.

But if you ask me who I owe,

It is her - the one the world won’t know.

She is the shadow, strong and still,

The quiet hands, the iron will.

No wealth to give, no gold, no throne,

Yet somehow, she made my riches clone.

So when the world applauds my name,

I whisper hers - it is all the same.

For I am here because she stayed,

A love too strong to ever fade.

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If life has taught me one thing, it is this - No one rises alone.

Behind every success, behind every moment of strength, there is someone who made sacrifices no one will ever fully understand. Someone who loved, who endured, who gave more than they had - so we could have more than we ever dreamed of.

And that is why Mother’s Day is more than just a celebration - it is a reminder.

A reminder to pause and honor the ones who stood behind us, who lifted us when we could not stand on our own, who gave endlessly without ever asking for anything in return.

But then in my opinion everyday should be Mother’s Day.

If you are fortunate enough to still have that person in your life, do not wait for a special occasion to honor them. Tell them what they mean to you. Show them that you see them, that you recognize the love they poured into you.

Because success is not measured by titles, wealth, or achievements. It is measured by the people who shaped you, the values they instilled in you, and the gratitude you carry forward.

And no matter how far I go, how much I achieve, or how many milestones I reach - I will always know that I did not build this life alone. Because she will always be The Unseen Architect of My Life.

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