Be Unrealistic yet responsible: Navigating Personal Goals without Disappointing Parental expectations

I can’t give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” - Herbert?Bayard Swope

In recent days, I have come across many reels and posts that say you can’t please everyone on your way to success. True, but why do I hear people saying things like, “Stop listening to what your parents say, don’t go to college, quit your job, escape the matrix?" We are talking about society as a whole, but what about the ones who are providing for us? As someone in my 20s, still under the roof of my parents, I don't think it's okay to let them down at the cost of moving towards success?

Are you struggling between making choices that are either too realistic (to be a responsible kid to your parents but leave yourself feeling a bit off) or too irresponsible (choosing what you feel is good for you but at the cost of letting their expectations down)? Well, I have been there too, so trust me, I know how it feels to have a goal that is far beyond the reality of what our parents could choose for us. I know how it feels to strike a balance between being responsible and still moving towards your goal at the same time, and I'm still working constantly on making it easier to hold them both steadily.

First of all, what is realistic? Our parents want us to score well, get a job, settle down and lead the same life that they have right now. Why? Because there’s no risk in it, and they want us to be safe. The only way that they know to achieve stability in life is to choose the mediocre and move with the herd of people at 'their pace'. So does that mean anything that isn’t realistic is cool and outstanding? No, it isn’t. Walking out of the crowd is better only when it takes you to a better and faster-moving crowd. You can’t just drop out of college and say, “I don’t want to be an average person,” and then ‘Netflix and chill’ under your parents’ roof. You must have a clear vision of where you’re going before you decide to move out of the “be realistic” crowd. You can be different, but make sure you’re better. If you already have a better goal and are struggling to strike a balance between being unrealistic yet responsible, this article is for you.

The Struggle of Being "Realistic":

Societal pressure, money matters, and family responsibilities often push us to make decisions that seem logical but might not align with our goals. It's that fear of failing to meet our parents' expectations that steer us away from what truly makes us happy. Many times, we choose things that don’t align with our goals just because it isn’t very responsible of us not to. This happens to us because our vision for our lives is very different from the vision of our parents for us, while both are intended towards our success. Since our goals are much farther than theirs, we require more support from our parents than they have prepared to provide to achieve our goals. If you can relate to what I said so far, it means that you just don’t want to have an average life and yet want to be a responsible kid to your parents (just like me).

The problem with being responsible is getting stuck in situations that don't let us grow. You end up being average. Regret, missed opportunities, and feeling like we're in a life that's not really ours—not the vibe we signed up for. On the other hand, choosing what aligns with our big goals sets us free from the norm. That's where the magic happens. We either grow further or lose it all. We either become a child that your parents are very proud of or the kid feels bad for not being good enough. There’s no in-between (no mediocrity- and we think its cool not being average)

Now, what most people do is think it's "either-or,” and so choose the later thinking that they are bold enough to stand outside the crowd. But what if, I tell you you can balance both? Here is the framework that has helped me so far, and I’m still working on it to make it better each day:

1. Prepare for the worst: Look where you could possibly fall and prepare yourself to get up when you do. This opens up a new level of self-awareness and a wide opportunity for growth. We aren’t always right about our decisions, so it's better to be prepared.
2. Ask permission to fail: It's not that our parents cannot tolerate our failures; they just don’t want us to fail. Most of our parents are okay with being a supporting hand when we fail, while they simply want us to stand on our own.
3. Ask their opinion: Listen to them, It might do magic at times. Even If something that they say doesn’t align with your goals or plan, listen in the first place. You don’t have to push them away for poor suggestions; rather, take a step back. Start prioritizing your needs, listen to their ideas, while making your own decisions.
4. Start saying no politely: While we feel proud of ourselves for setting strong boundaries and saying no confidently straight on face, we must learn to be humble. After all, they think for our betterment. Say no while trying to explain why in a polite manner. There are high chances that they could actually understand and support you accordingly.
5. Apologize when you break the barriers: You don't always get "yes". If the consequences are manageable, don't mind about the approval. Take calculated risks, act first, and seek forgiveness later. Embrace being bold; apologize if needed.

In the end, it's about fostering open communication, understanding, and mutual respect. Balancing ambitious goals with parental expectations is an art, and it requires constant refinement. Remember, success isn't solely about achieving personal milestones; it's also about maintaining meaningful connections and growing in harmony with those who have supported us on our journey. As we strive for greatness, let us not forget the importance of being both dreamers and responsible individuals, enriching our lives and the lives of those around us.