The Unpopular Confessionals

A deeply personal and introspective look at the year that went by.

• I enrolled in various MOOC's that interested me — haven't finished one. I don't possess a single certificate of completion on LinkedIn, or otherwise.
• I downloaded multiple apps to help put my rusty high-school French skills to use — my streak stands at 15 days. Similarly, I decided to finally learn how to read and write in my mother tongue — I haven't progressed past the vowels.
• I decided to cook and eat healthier food — I've cooked more comfort food this last year than all the previous years combined.
• I told myself I would work out more — if you don't count moving from one room to another in search of something to do, I have failed spectacularly here.
• I decided that my 30's were a good time for me to finally pull up my socks and be more sociable — the world decided to grant my introverted soul its most secret wish and locked everybody up!

Publically declaring achievements saw an upward trend this last year. However, when I took stock of what I got done in 2020, I really have nothing to show for it. (To be fair: I would have most enthusiastically joined in the bandwagon if I had actually completed any one of the above)

I'm not going to lie: I have reconsidered at least a dozen times about actually writing this down and publishing it. Especially, when it's going to be my first foray into putting my thoughts up online for the world to see. The way I see it, publically shaming myself could do one of two things: it could either motivate me further, or push me back into my shell.

However.

A strange thing happened as I was first mentally composing this post. I looked a little deeper. At my excuses. The reasons that I used to procrastinate. I know I didn't just lay on my couch (at least not every day!) waiting for the days to pass.

What did I do instead?

• I actually managed to read more than my usual share of news; not just about the 'rona, but about world affairs. I may not have completed any courses, but I'm glad that I didn't shutter myself in an insulated bubble, either.
• My language learning might have stopped almost immediately after it started. But, it's still more than what I did in all the previous years of my life.
• I may not have done anything concrete about unhealthy habits - 'tis true. Instead I chose to be more mindful. I find that I am calmer person than I previously was — even in the midst of a global pandemic. That is mind boggling to me.
• I unlimitedly and unashamedly indulged my hobbies and interests. I used the time that was freed up in listening to interesting podcasts, catching up on movies and TV shows that I had missed from genres that aren't necessarily my favourites, reading more in general, and my personal favourite — gardening. There's a simple joy you derive in seeing the plants you've tended to in full bloom.
• Earlier, you had to schedule a break to take a vacation and pencil in some time to spend with family. That changed in 2020. The quality time I got to spend with my folks cannot be overstated. This will forever be one major takeaway of the past year for me.

In a nutshell, I seem to have subconsciously chosen self-care over productivity.

So, why would I consider, accept, and then actually write up a post that reads like a "Dear Diary" entry or a blog post? Especially on LinkedIn of all places?

Because, the fact remains that 2020 will be a "outlier" year for most of us. When it all settles down and this pandemic is a thing of the past, we'll all once again put our nose to the grindstone and go back to chasing after the future we want.

So, how exactly does all this "personal growth" that took place translate into the work front in the long-term?

• I'm far more productive — case in point, this first article on LinkedIn that I had put off writing for more years than I care to say. I'm not saying that I magically woke up in 2021 with a zeal that was inconspicuously absent last year. I find that I'm simply more engaged now.
• My soft skills got polished until they shone — when you have myriad conversations during the day over text, you have to be careful, nay, mindful, about the message you might inadvertently convey if you aren't watching your tone.
• Perseverance and resilience — there are workarounds and alternative solutions to every problem. Last year was spent learning the how-to's (how to work, how to pivot, how to adapt, etc.) this year, all that has turned into a learnt skill.
• I'm motivated — I've actually made progress on all the pending tasks from last year that I have listed above. Obviously, I'm nowhere near finished, but it's still a step forward. The personal satisfaction gained from that definitely transfers onto my professional life. It's made me more focussed at work.
• My sense of humour got a booster shot — depending on your perspective, this may or may not be a good thing! It's simply easier on my stress levels to laugh at the world, than be mad at it. We know that misery loves company. And I have always had a mildly dark sense of humour. Ipso facto... :)

There's no one moment that led to the following realization: Ultimately, against all rational reason, I'm a happier person now. This is reflected in my changed interpersonal interactions, and in my mood at work.

I can't quantifiably measure it, and there's no tangible evidence to support it. But, to me? That is priceless.