Unpacking the Past: Confronting What Comes With You

PART 3

I used to think I traveled light, that my past had left no mark on me. But I was wrong. I went from believing I carried no baggage to realizing I had more than a carousel at Logan Airport. The heaviest part? Much of the luggage I was dragging wasn’t even mine to begin with. Year after year, I unconsciously picked up more—silent burdens of shame, guilt, and pain. And yet, I wondered why I didn’t feel good. Why joy seemed fleeting and peace, unattainable.

The truth hit me like a revelation: the luggage I carried wasn’t filled with love, excitement, or hope. It was packed with old wounds, unresolved secrets, and inherited burdens. Confronting it felt impossible. There was no roadmap for this, no foundation ever built. And worse, confronting people who lived in denial about the truth only led to more shame and deeper wounds.

For a long time, I didn’t see the point of facing what couldn’t be changed. But halfway through my journey, a light switch flicked on. There was a way out—it wasn’t running, ignoring, or burying the pain. It was through. Once I unpacked one piece of luggage, the next was easier to face. Even the bags I thought I’d carry to my grave eventually saw the light.

One of the areas I’ve grown skilled at is helping my clients recognize the luggage they’re carrying. Awareness is the first step. Once they see it, the willingness to commit to the process of unpacking follows. It’s not easy. Have you ever been in a room with someone you’re avoiding? The mental energy required to dodge, to pretend they’re not there, is exhausting. Sometimes, simply talking to them would be easier. Secrets carry the same weight. They linger, suffocate, and demand our attention until we face them head-on.

Part of my work is helping clients connect the dots—understanding why they react the way they do or why they attract certain people into their lives. I remind them that we often attract people who recreate our childhood dynamics. It’s an opportunity to heal, but most aren’t emotionally evolved enough to see it. They think, I’ll never be like my mother/father, and yet they often marry someone just like them. Many are drawn to what’s familiar, repeating patterns without realizing it. Unless they build a new foundation and seek the help they need, breaking free from the cycle remains out of reach.

A client I had the pleasure of working with was “David” he was a 42-year-old husband and father. On the outside, his life seemed stable—an engineer with a nice home and family. But he came to me because of constant arguments with his wife. “I don’t know why I get so defensive,” he said. “It’s like I’m waiting for her to leave me.”

As we unpacked his emotional luggage, we unearthed a hidden piece of his past: when David was six, his mother left him and his younger brother with their grandparents, promising she’d return soon. She didn’t. The abandonment left scars he’d carried unknowingly into adulthood. Every time his wife questioned him or expressed frustration, he heard echoes of his childhood: You’re not enough. You’re not worth staying for.

By shining a light on this buried pain, David began to see his wife’s words for what they were—concerns, not attacks. Slowly, he learned to respond with empathy instead of defensiveness, and their relationship transformed.

Another client “Claire” was a 35-year-old woman who had been in one failed relationship after another. Each time, the story was the same: she fell fast, trusted deeply, and then was blindsided by betrayal. “I think I’m cursed,” she said, tears streaming down her face.

In exploring her history, Claire revealed a secret she hadn’t told anyone: her father had a long-term affair, which she discovered at 12. Her mother stayed in the marriage, but the trust in their family was shattered. Claire learned two things from this experience: love was fragile, and betrayal was inevitable.

Unpacking this luggage was painful, but it gave Claire clarity. She began to see how her unresolved wounds led her to partners who mirrored the betrayal she had internalized. With time, she developed new boundaries and learned to trust herself before trusting others. Her “curse” was lifted as she started choosing partners who valued honesty and integrity.

The Path to Freedom requires unpacking the past which isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Each piece of luggage you face lightens your load, making it easier to carry the rest. True freedom comes when you realize the burden doesn’t define you—it’s something you can choose to put down. And when you break free from old patterns, you make space for a life built on love, trust, and authenticity.