Unpacking False Apologies & Embracing the 'AAAAAC' Method
In our personal and professional lives, we inevitably find ourselves in situations where we have caused harm or offense, whether intentionally or not. In these moments, the ability to offer a sincere and thoughtful apology can be the difference between deepening relationships and fracturing them further.
On the latest Radical Candor Podcast episode, Jason Rosoff , Amy Sandler , and I dive deep into the nuances of apologies – exploring what constitutes a "false apology" and how to embrace a more mindful approach to making amends.
Pitfalls that Undermine the Sincerity of an Apology
These "false apologies" often follow the "narcissist's prayer" – denying wrongdoing, minimizing its impact, redirecting blame, and centering one's own feelings over those harmed.
The AAAAAC Method: A Thoughtful Approach to Apologizing
Drawing from the ancient wisdom of Maimonides, here is a powerful six-step framework for sincere apologies – the AAAAAC method:
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This approach recognizes that an apology is not a one-time event but part of an ongoing process of accountability, empathy, and personal growth.
As the powerful apology letter from a remorseful internet troll reminds us, every apology is an opportunity to recognize our shared humanity and rebuild bridges of understanding.
In a world that often rushes to insincere apologies or avoids them altogether, embracing the AAAAAC method can be a radical act of respect and personal growth. It is a powerful reminder that while we all stumble, it is how we choose to make amends that defines our integrity.
You can read more in my new book Radical Respect , available everywhere books are sold! And listen to the latest episode of the Radical Candor podcast to learn more about how to apologize and mean it.
Join me at the virtual Vanguard Voices Speak Up Summit and in Napa for an in-person author event!
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight?some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I'll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect, available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor? and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.
CEO Coach, Keynote speaker, Author, Board member
5 个月Love the step by step approach Kim Scott So often people end up doing further harm when they don't take accountability.
I guide you to unlock your Conscious Speech | Communication Coach | Public Speaking Trainer | Mindfulness Facilitator | Leadership Training and Development | Speaker | Coach de Comunicación y Oratoria |
5 个月Taking accountability and apologizing is so powerful. We are humans, we make mistakes! AND have the ability to change behavior. I'd say that #compassion for ourselves and each other is the only path toward real apologies.
Keynote Speaker | Guest Shark l Founder l NYT & WSJ Best Selling Author | Angel Investor
5 个月Kim Scott this method is such a thoughtful way to approach apologies, emphasizing that genuine remorse and change are essential!
Culture Strategist, Founder @ Hear Me Out, Exec Coach
5 个月The description of false apologies reminds me of the “DARVO” reaction (deny, attack, reverse victim & offender) to accusations of misconduct. Powerful people are rarely held to the same standards as the rest of us. In the workplace, they also have the benefit of access to a lot more information than anyone else, and the deepest personal connection to the culture. With that context, it’s easy to understand the urge to dismiss, excuse, or deflect feedback that calls their own point of view into question.