Unmasking the Illusion and Embracing Your True Self

Like many folks, I've done a lot in my life simply to keep up with others. I don't wake up regretting my journey, but sometimes I can't help but laugh at the choices I made just to fit in. Seeking acceptance is an addictive force. Whether it's from friends, a partner, or even strangers online, we've all been there. The more we crave it, the less likely we are to be true to ourselves. Some of us have gone so far down that path that we don't even know what being ourselves truly means. It's only when we hit rock bottom and start yearning for something more that we begin questioning who we thought we were or wanted to be.

I remember waking up one day feeling bruised and broken, wondering how I had reached that point. I was exhausted and desperately wanted to find happiness within myself. I was tired of trying to belong. And more tired of others telling me how to think, dress, or believe. It was exhausting trying to fit into society's mold. Even the so-called rebels and woke folks had their ideologies, and I was tired of their shit too. Who am I? What do I truly want? How do I break free from the chains that are suffocating me?

My beliefs were a result of my parent's expectations, the folks I hung around with, and the media's portrayal of the American dream. I naively thought that if I looked the part, achieved my goals, found the perfect partner, and fulfilled my dreams, I would find happiness. I made vision boards and set goals, but as I got older, my vision became blurrier. The problem was that I wasn't being true to myself. I was trying to please a character I had created in my mind. She was sophisticated, flawless, and well-behaved. But the more she grew, the more problems arose, and happiness seemed farther and farther away. I just wanted to be happy. Little did I know that happiness was not a destination, a lesson I would learn in my thirties.

To make matters worse, I was ashamed of my feelings and didn't want anyone to know the struggles I was facing internally. The outgoing friend had become depressed and disillusioned, but I hid it well until it was impossible to keep up the facade.

I did everything I could to appear happy and fit in with others, but I failed to take care of myself. I neglected my health, dealt with hair loss from stress, and distanced myself from my family.

I had no idea what it meant to be myself, and honestly, I didn't even want to be the real me. I mistakenly believed that a high-status job and mingling with the elite would bring me happiness. In my spare time, I frequented fancy clubs, indulged in fine dining, and constantly shopped, all the while feeling insecure and deeply uncomfortable. I surrounded myself with people who seemed financially successful, choosing partners based on their status rather than their character. I became consumed by ego-driven desires and couldn't see beyond materialism.

Unable to afford expensive clothes, I became skilled at second-hand shopping, trying to fit into a mold I didn't truly belong in. I worked out excessively and forced myself to eat food I didn't enjoy, all in an attempt to be part of a crowd that ultimately left me feeling empty.

The more I conformed, the more I lost touch with my true self. I found myself surrounded by insecure individuals seeking validation from one another, a reflection of the person I had become. It all felt artificial. Our appearances, friendships, and motivations were superficial, creating a false sense of success in a world that led us nowhere. Deep inside, I yearned for something more.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point where I began questioning everything. I was determined to become the woman I had always dreamed of being. It became a journey of self-love, breaking free from the limiting beliefs I held about myself. I had to learn to trust, love, and believe in myself once again. As I discovered who I truly was, a profound joy blossomed within me, and the transformations on the outside mirrored the newfound inner peace.

We all go through phases where we yearn for something more. Along the way, we learn that material things can't fill the void of self-love. Eventually, we grow tired of the persona we've created and long for authenticity. Discovering our true selves brings immense joy because there's only one of us, and no one deserves our love more than ourselves. We may be able to buy our way into certain circles or climb to the top, but self-love is priceless and the only thing that can truly sustain us through life.