Unmasking Gaslighting: A Form of Psychological Bullying in New Zealand Workplaces

Next Friday 17th May is Pink Shirt Day or anti-bullying in NZ. Shouldn't everyday be anti bullying day? I once remember being in a team of people, one a serial bully who stood amongst their victims wearing their pink shirt. I was horrified. I had witnesses the bullying first hand, and had escalated it. I remember the next step was for me to meet with the bully! Why??? Needless to say I actually did, with management, to simply let them know what I saw as the witness. I was then jumped on in the meeting by the bully! This person ended up exiting the organisation but the harm and damage caused to this young person was not ok. They too ended up exiting. Sad how things turn out, but it stopped that bullying so the result a positive one for that person. I wonder if the bully continued on the same path in the next organisation they became a part of?

For some reason bullying seams to be coming up as a daily conversation in different areas of my life.? Only a few weekends ago I had family member share of bullying incidents in their children’s workplaces.? The week prior, a friend disclosed it was happening to them.? It made me wonder why this was all occurring so frequently and how sad it was we have to endure this behavior.

I have been bullied myself in workplaces over my career, some I took nowhere and others I took action on.? It took me many years to build up the confidence to do something, purely because much of what was happening happened in front of colleagues, who said nothing.? This only cemented my view point that ‘it must be nothing and I perhaps needed to ‘harden up’.

How wrong I was.? Mental Health is like physical health, it is a precious thing that we should not take for granted.? Bullying in the workplace is not acceptable, is a Health & Safety issue and is against the law in NZ.?

There are some great articles written on the topie, this one hear a great outline on the process in NZ https://duncancotterill.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Bullying-when-does-Worksafe-NZ-intervene-and-how-does-that-intersect-with-employment-obligations_-16574239.1.pdf

I know I read an article a few years ago from RNZ in 2018 stating over 100 bullying complaints had been raised to Worksafe, and yet no one had been prosecuted. It would be interested to glean those numbers for 2024 and see if we have progressed. Apparently its hard to prosecute as its 'their word against yours' so evidence is paramount. The article I was referring to is here.

https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/358699/one-hundred-worksafe-bullying-complaints-but-no-prosecutions

The sad thing is, a great deal of our bullying that seams to happen in the workplace is covert or psychological bullying and often involves gaslighting.

Gaslighting, a subtle yet insidious form of psychological manipulation, is increasingly recognized and is a prevalent issue in workplaces across New Zealand. While often overlooked or misunderstood, its detrimental effects on employees' mental health and well-being can be profound. I would like to delve into the phenomenon of gaslighting as bullying, its impact on victims, and strategies for recognising and addressing it in the workplace.

Understanding Gaslighting

Gaslighting is “a form of emotional abuse characterized by a pattern of behaviour aimed at undermining an individual's perception of reality, memory, and sanity”. The term originated from the play and film "Gas Light," where a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her sanity by making her question her own perceptions.

A great friend of mine summed it up so well recently.? He said he once worked in the Australia desert and was talking about such a topic when his colleague looked out the window and said ‘its snowing’.? My friend looked out the window and could simply see the hot Australian outback. He looked puzzled and turned back to his colleague and said ‘no its not’, and his colleague responded, but look, ‘yes it is’ and looked back out the window.? And this in a nutshell is gaslighting.? Lets see if ‘its snowing’ for you….

In the workplace context, gaslighting can manifest in various ways, such as:

1. Denial and Minimisation: The gaslighter denies or minimises the experiences and concerns of the victim, making them feel like their emotions or observations are invalid or exaggerated.
2. False Accusations: Gaslighters may falsely accuse their victims of mistakes or errors, even when they have evidence to the contrary, causing the victim to doubt their competence and judgment.
3. Distorting Reality: Gaslighters distort facts, manipulate information, or selectively withhold information to confuse or disorient their victims, leading them to question their own memory and understanding of events.
4. Blame Shifting: Gaslighters shift blame onto their victims for problems or mistakes that are not their fault, making them feel responsible for issues beyond their control.

Impact on Victims

The effects of gaslighting can be devastating for victims, leading to:

• Doubt and Confusion: Gaslighting erodes the victim's confidence in their own perceptions and judgment, leaving them feeling confused, disoriented, and unsure of what is real.
• Anxiety and Depression: Constant manipulation and invalidation can lead to heightened anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness in victims.
• Isolation: Gaslighters often isolate their victims from support networks by undermining their relationships with coworkers or friends, making them more dependent on the gaslighter for validation.
• Physical Symptoms: The stress of gaslighting can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, and digestive issues, further impacting the victim's well-being.

Recognising and Addressing Gaslighting in the Workplace

Recognising gaslighting behaviours is the first step in addressing this form of psychological bullying. Some strategies for identifying and confronting gaslighting in the workplace include:

• Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off or doesn't align with your experiences, trust your instincts and seek validation from trusted colleagues or mentors.
• Document Incidents: Keep a record of gaslighting incidents, including dates, times, and specific behaviours, to provide evidence if necessary.
• Seek Support: Reach out to HR, a trusted supervisor, or a support network outside of work for guidance and assistance in addressing gaslighting behaviour.
• Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate boundaries with the gas lighter and assertively challenge their manipulative tactics, making it clear that such behaviour is unacceptable.

Conclusion

Gaslighting is a serious form of psychological bullying that can have devastating effects on individuals in New Zealand workplaces. By raising awareness of gaslighting behaviours, fostering a culture of respect and accountability, and providing support for victims, organizations can create safer and healthier work environments for all employees. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources and support available to help you navigate and address gaslighting in the workplace.

Let's work together to shine a light on gaslighting and create workplaces where everyone feels valued, respected, and empowered. Lets stop this contributing to our poor mental health rates and suicides due to bullying being the cause.

?Where to find help and support:?

• Worksafe – Call 0800 030 040
• Need to Talk? ?- Call or text 1737
• What's Up? - 0800 WHATS UP (0800 942 8787)
• Lifeline ?- 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
• Youthline ?- 0800 376 633, text 234, email?[email protected] ?or?online chat
• Samaritans ?- 0800 726 666
• Depression Helpline ?- 0800 111 757
• Suicide Crisis Helpline ?- 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
• Shakti Community Council ?- 0800 742 584