Unmasking Friendship

While this may not be one of the typically serious topics you come across in my archive, it arose from a profoundly serious place – the tears of a protegee. Often, we tend to dismiss softer topics, overlooking the mental health hazards they might pose for some individuals. In the poignant words of my protegee, "I feel used! I feel like I am only remembered when they need something. I feel I am the one who is in friendship with them..." Moved by her sentiments, I listened intently and seized the opportunity for a coaching moment. This piece might offer solace and guidance to someone facing similar emotions (hopefully not so many are).

Ore mi! Padi e! dear reader, when you find yourself lamenting that your "friend" seem to surface only when they are in need of something they believe you can provide, take a moment to recognize the value you bring to the table. charley some people for like be you (Ghana pidgin English). Be glad you have something to give, something that others recognize and appreciate. It could be your kindness, your wisdom, your ability to listen without judgment, or even your practical skills. Whatever it is, consider it a testament to your strengths and the unique qualities that make you resourceful.

Friendship, like any meaningful connection, is a complex dance of give and take (it is just that some people are dominant take dancers). Before rushing to conclusions about the motives of your friends, be economical with your assumptions and be open to testing them. Allow the dynamics of your friendships to be tested and revealed over time. With this you are better positioned to identify the take dancers and isolate them.

Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, including friendships. If you find yourself grappling with feelings of imbalance or unreciprocated effort, it might be worthwhile to have an honest conversation with your friends. Share your thoughts and concerns, but approach it with a genuine curiosity about their perspectives as well. This open dialogue can lead to a more nuanced understanding of each other's expectations and foster a healthier, more sustainable connection. Just break the ice "Hello Tomi! are we friends?" (forgive me if your name is Tomi. it just came from no where)

Furthermore, consider that your friends might not be aware of the impact their actions have on you. Life gets busy, and sometimes people are oblivious to the subtle cues. By expressing your feelings, you give them the opportunity to reassess and potentially recalibrate their approach to the friendship.

In the grand tapestry of human connections, friendships evolve and transform. Some friends might be more aligned with the celebratory moments, while others shine in times of need. Embrace the diversity of these connections, recognizing that each friend brings something unique to your life. It is where this is missing and you seem to be the only musician in a supposed orchestra then there is need to self reflect.

So, my friends, when the ebb and flow of companionship test the waters of your connections, approach it with grace and understanding. Cherish the moments of support and be open to the possibility that, in their own way, your friends value the uniqueness you bring to their lives. Friendship is a journey, and the paths it takes are as diverse as the individuals who embark on it together.

Finally, do right by yourself by defining the word "friend". Stay away from dictionary definition and ensure you put your being into defining the word. Then use your definition to test the meaningfulness of what you seek or ask.

Perhaps from the exercise above, your findings might make the statement below the purge you secretly seek.

lessons from the streets....

..shine your eye. speak truth to yourself, be receptive of the facts before you and not be self delusional of what is not that you want to force to be!... (read this in your local language and it will ring deeper)