Welcome to Edition #3 of Admin Insider. Thank you so much to you for subscribing!
I've been reading
Lucy Brazier OBE
's 'The Modern Day Assistant: Build Your Influence and Boost Your Potential'. Lucy shares the number one issue that derails the relationship between an Executive Assistant and their executive. According to research conducted by her magazine, "it boils down to communication".?Lucy says that...
I couldn't agree more. Developing confidence and competence in your communication skills is vital. It's what enables you to advocate for yourself and your executive.
This Power Skill (what I describe as a supercharged 'soft' skill), allows you to navigate tricky conversations with everyone in your orbit without damaging relationships.?
But an often overlooked aspect is insight into what gets in the way of being an effective communicator.
So this edition of AdminInsider is all about the ten most common missteps to avoid in your conversations.
- Yousations Over Conversations: Unlike the balanced back-and-forth of a tennis match, "Yousations" are one-sided and leave no room for mutual engagement. Tip: Recognise when you're doing this. A conversation should be like a social tennis match. Lot's of back-and-forth. Avoid monopolizing discussions to foster healthier, more dynamic interactions.
- Neglecting the Pursuit of Truth: Entering conversations with a closed mind or predetermined conclusions can lead to skewed perceptions.?Tip: Avoid coming to conversations assuming you have all the facts. Aim for openness and curiosity to discover the real substance. It's about what YOU know and what THEY know.?
- The Need to Be Right: Overemphasis on proving your point can tarnish relationships. It's what's described as your 'Emotional Wake'. Imagine an enormous speed boat carving through the water, leaving a huge wake that causes smaller vessels to overturn. The same exists for how you can make others feel.?Tip: Embrace humility and openness to different perspectives. It will allow you to cultivate deeper connections and understanding.
- Compromising Safety: A conversation where participants don't feel safe can escalate into defensiveness or withdrawal. It's what I refer to as noticing people going into either 'Silence or Violence'. Shutting down or lashing out verbally. Not ideal. Tip: Strive to maintain an environment of psychological safety, where honesty and vulnerability are valued and protected.
- Sidestepping the Real Issues: Addressing the heart of the matter directly can be daunting but necessary. I know I'm guilty of dancing around the real issue at times.? Sugar coating things doesn't help either of you.?Tip: Honesty and clarity prevent misunderstandings and pave the way for genuine resolution and progress.
- The Board of Directors in Your Head: Personal biases and preconceived notions can cloud judgment. In psychological terms these are your 'cognitive distortions'. It's where nature and nurture factor into how we behave and react when we're under pressure. Do you have a Blamer, a Black & White Thinker or a Powerless lurking in your head? Tip: Challenge your internal narratives and approach conversations with a fresh, unbiased perspective.
- Taking Others at Face Value: Quick judgments can obstruct genuine understanding. We can trip ourselves up in our rush to judgment. Failing to appreciate what's actually going on for the other person. Tip: Stay open-minded and seek to uncover the layers behind people's words and actions.
- Leading with Opinions Over Facts: An opinion is subjective. It's based on your view of the world. Lecturing someone is rarely the path to success. Anyone with teenagers will relate to this! Ground your communication in facts to anchor discussions and decisions in reality. It will? prevent unnecessary disputes and misunderstandings.??Tip: Remember the mantra 'Just The Facts, Ma'am' when you feel the urge to diverge into opinions.?
- Misusing Honesty: While honesty is crucial, it should not be an excuse for insensitivity or cruelty. Communicate your truth with respect and care, ensuring constructive rather than destructive outcomes. Tip: Avoid the four words..."I'm just being honest".
- Lack of Self-Management: Which F is your go-to response when your Lizard Brain fires up? Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn? We all have a natural F that kicks in. Knowing which one is yours is the first step to self-management.?Tip: Monitor your reactions and responses and get clear on how you show up under pressure. Recognizing when to take a step back can be as vital as knowing when to engage.
March is all about building your confidence and competence in these supercharged soft skills.
Power Skills is one of the five Impact and Insight zones that I focus on in my training, coaching, podcasting and speaking.
A particular focus will be on the cornerstone of effective interaction: verbal and non-verbal communication. Whether it's in a boardroom or a casual chat, the way we convey our thoughts profoundly impacts our personal and professional relationships.
If you made it to the bottom of this newsletter GO YOU!
I'd love to know which of these ten missteps you stumble over? Tell me in the comments below...
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Warmest Regards and here's to being the 'little hinges that swing big doors',
