Unlocking Vulnerability: Transformative Strategies for Workplace Success
From Brené Brown's insights to real-world applications: Uncovering the nuances of vulnerability, boundary setting, and the transformative power they hold for creating the next generation of workplace environments.
"I am kind of shocked by what I said today; I hadn't even shared these thoughts with my wife until a few days ago."
An employee at one of the companies I collaborate with sent me this text after a very intense session at their workplace. It was the culmination of a powerful meeting that covered topics ranging from mental health, romantic relationships, to the ability to truly bring oneself in a social or professional setting.
Suddenly, a concern arose in me: what if someone tells a colleague something that was shared in the room, even a casual comment, and it reaches the “wrong” audience? I'm actively working on developing spaces that allow for this kind of resonance in workplaces, and suddenly, as results come in, so does fear – how do I make sure I’m keeping people safe?
After this conversation and the concerns it brought up, I embarked on a small research endeavor.
Learning from the masters: Brené Brown and Adam Grant
When looking into "vulnerability in the workplace," the clear Go-To is Brené Brown . Her iconic Ted Talk on Vulnerability from over a decade ago is a staple for anyone doing organizational or leadership work. She spent the past years sharing her insights around working with top executives on shame, empathy, and vulnerability (And thank you Gila Tolub for introducing me to her trail blazing work way before it was cool). In one of her more recent talks, she delves into a fascinating conversation with organizational psychologist Adam Grant on his podcast, WorkLife. In a 40-minute dialogue, she addresses various concepts around vulnerability in the workplace, with a specific emphasis on boundaries and, more specifically, about how to think about what I share in terms of:
Iccha, purity of intention - 1) What is my motivation for sharing?
When sharing something, in the workplace or otherwise, Brown suggests we interrogate our intention. Why am I sharing what I’m sharing? As a general rule, we look for times when we share to move a connection closer or move work forward in an easier way. If I’m looking to blow off steam with someone, or I’m sharing because I think it’s needed to showcase myself as vulnerable, or I’m just allowing myself to talk without a filter because “hi! I’m being vulnerable,” we’re off track. This requires us to be honest, first with ourselves, but can also act as a guide.
Set and setting - (2) Who are we sharing with, and when?
When we’re sharing, the set and setting matter. As a general rule, if we’re emotionally activated, a skillful choice would be to share first with someone who is a neutral audience that would not be affected by the sharing. When building spaces that foster connection, vulnerability, and deeper realness, I ask myself what is the dynamic of the group we’re working. Organic teams differ from ad hoc teams which act differently than executive teams who are a world apart from a group of colleagues from various parts of the organization. The ability to create safety for each setting, and thus the depth and types of the topics discussed, including the exercises that would be used differs significantly. In the story above, this was a group of colleagues in a large multinational; most of them have no direct working lines with one another, meaning there is an ability to bring in topics that otherwise might have been off the table.
Transitioning to the broader context, in all these settings, it’s always important to start with group norms or agreements about confidentiality (ping me if you want a time-tested version of points to review when doing group agreements).
We’re wired a bit differently - (3) What is my comfort level/emotional need for sharing?
Many of the people I work with have a strong itch for more realness in the workplace, for the ability to bring more of themselves and the people they work with. It could be described as an actual discomfort felt in the body, of not being able to relax, to Be. For many, it feels like there is a constant need to exert energy in maintaining a certain persona, in keeping part of the Self outside of the picture, and that gets quite exhausting. But that experience isn’t something that everyone feels; we all have different preferences, needs, and experiences of emotions in different ways. Some of us are more, or less connected to our emotional world, we experience varying degrees of emotional intensity. And some of us tend to prefer more private interaction in and outside of the workplace. I’ve had people tell me “Well, I don’t really feel the need to share at work, work is work and private life is private.” Here, there are two aspects to consider. First, it’s hard for us to truly know our need for being seen and sharing since we’re all quite over-indexed to not sharing, especially in the workplace, to keeping our guards up, to perceiving vulnerability as weakness and thus a threat to our ability to perform and excel. This doesn't mean that we should push ourselves to share parts of our private life w beyond our current boundaries, we need to meet ourselves and other where we are. It does, however, mean that the way and what we choose to share impacts how others feel about what they can share, about how much they can be safe and bring of themselves.
Brené brings a beautiful example of a team lead who has a parent going through a difficult disease. Her teammates might know something is going on but need to walk on eggshells around her, not knowing what is okay to talk about. In this case, there is an invitation from the team lead to express simply what is going on without going into details and also to express her need, in this case, to not go further into it. This could sound like something like this: “I have a parent going through a health condition and it’s hard and I want you to know this. Right now, what support for me would look like is to not have to fend off questions about it, and you can trust me that I will tell you if I need anything.” This way the team lead sends a message to the others in the team that they don’t have to compartmentalize their experience, that they can, if needed, bring more parts of their experiences. And that we can talk about hard things.
A Generous reframing
At the end of the original meeting at my client's office, some participants praised others for their courage in sharing. I mentioned that I prefer the word 'generosity’ over courage.
Courage refers to the strength to face tough situations, leaving us in the old world of needing to appear strong. In Judaism, the highest form of generosity is not that of money or time, but that of sharing our wisdom with others, in ways that help them know themselves. Generosity is our choice to give of ourselves to help others; when someone chooses to bring vulnerability, choosing to gift parts of themselves to others, it is an act of generosity. It allows others to feel more comfortable in their own seats; it brings people closer to those who share and to each other.
May we be able to share ourselves generously, both in and out of the workplace.
For further reading
?? The new economy of Impact ?? | From Strategy to Execution | Founder of @Monetas
12 个月Vulnerability is always there whether we are open to see it or not. Thank you for bringing it to the front and by which allowing us to grow.
Infinity Strategic Executor ~ Impactful Growth Navigator ~ Business Mindset Expander ~ Innovation Leader
12 个月This topic came up yesterday at dinner time! An important and fascinating topic. I hope there will be another article about the deepest fears surrounding this topic. Tal I'm glad to read you - bring more of this??