Unlocking the Power of Your Emotions at Work

Have you ever been told, directly or indirectly, that emotions don’t belong in the workplace? Many of us have been conditioned to believe that we should proverbially check our emotions at the door during work hours. If that were even possible, which, spoiler alert, it’s not, a lot of information would be lost by simply flipping the off switch on our emotions at work.

Let’s look first at why no amount of self-discipline or peer pressure can stop us from experiencing emotions in the workplace. All information passes through the emotional processing center (amygdala) of our brains before it reaches the cognitive processing center (cerebral cortex). This means that before we even have a chance to think about something logically, we’ve already had an emotional response to it.?

Those of us with high levels of emotional intelligence may have the capacity to regulate our emotions when processing information but we can’t remove emotion from the equation. And no matter how skilled we are at emotional regulation, in times of stress, the fight or flight response will always dominate. During fight or flight, the cognitive processing center is temporarily shut down, which means our ability to think rationally, problem solve and be logical is unavailable to us. In those cases, emotions are running the show.

Rather than pretend that our emotions don’t exist, let’s recognize their inherent value and use them to our advantage. Emotions present us with important information about how we are interpreting situations around us. This information allows us to make intentional choices about how we respond.

Here are three important emotions at work and how to think about them:

1.??Anxiety

I have written at length about managing fear and anxiety in the workplace. As someone who has spent a lifetime coping with anxiety, I’ve come to learn that feeling anxious doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong. What anxiety tells me is that I’ve been triggered.

Anxiety is useful in the sense that it provides information. Your brain has detected a threat and it is setting off an alarm bell. But for those of us with sensitive nervous systems, there are a lot of false alarms. Rather than accept anxiety at face value, take a closer look.?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What am I reacting to? What am I actually afraid of?
• Is this a true threat? If so, what can I do to minimize or manage it?
• What action can I take immediately?

By asking yourself thoughtful questions, you shift away from fight or flight toward your reasoning center, which allows you to think more clearly. It also allows you to create an action plan, which will help you to feel more confident and in control of your experience.

2.??Anger

Anger can feel like a scary emotion. Particularly for those of us who grew up in volatile homes or who are conflict avoidant, anger – our own or others’ – might feel unsafe. But anger exists for a reason. When we feel anger, what if often means is that one of our core values has been violated.

For example, if you get angry at work when a meeting starts late, you likely value punctuality and respecting other people’s time. You might also get angry if someone disrespects you or a colleague, misses a deadline or snaps at you when you’re challenging an idea.

When you get angry, your brain is telling you that something isn’t right. Rather than lash out or stifle your anger, use it as an opportunity to assess the situation. Ask yourself the following questions:?

• Why is this making me feel angry? Which of my values have been violated?
• Are there any other ways to interpret this situation (miscommunication, unclear context, etc.)? Are there any other factors contributing to my reaction (stress, illness, etc.)?
• What actions can I take? Do I need to set new boundaries??

Examining your anger can help you to make more empowered decisions about how to advocate for yourself, intentionally rather than impulsively.?

3.??Grief

Grief? In the workplace? You might be thinking, “But it’s just work!” We tend to associate grief with personal experiences rather than professional ones. But grief at work is very real. And one of the worst things you can do to address grief is to pretend it doesn’t exist. If you don’t process your grief, it will come back to haunt you in other situations.

So, what kinds of situations are we talking about? Saying goodbye to a beloved co-worker or manager can be just as sad as saying goodbye to a friend who moves. These are some of the most important relationships we have. Just because they’re centered around work doesn’t mean we don’t experience them in human ways.

Other triggers of grief might be organizational changes that disrupt our routines. We prefer predictability, so when things change, we can long for the familiarity of the past. It can even be sad to finish a project you enjoyed working on.

Start by honoring your grief. Instead of telling yourself to get over it or beating yourself up for feeling sad, recognize that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. That’s what makes you a human and not a robot. Then seek out ways to process your grief. Here are three steps you might take:

• Talk to one or more of your colleagues about how you feel. It doesn’t have to be a therapy session. Just let them know that you’re sad about the changes. Many people have these feelings but don’t feel safe expressing them. By owning your feelings, you give others permission to own them as well.
• Create a ritualistic ending. This might mean getting the team together for one last dinner or Zoom happy hour before your manager leaves or the organization changes. Be sure to honor the occasion directly and make it safe for everyone to feel sad. This is why funerals are so important.
• Take a mental health day. Give yourself time to binge watch Netflix or stay in your pajamas for the day. (I did this many years ago when a layoff that impacted several of my close colleagues left me devastated.) This will help you recharge as you move forward to the next phase of the journey.

Don’t buy into the argument that emotions don’t belong in the workplace. Not only will you end up fighting a losing battle, but you’ll miss out on the value that emotions bring to our experience. Take these steps to better manage and strategically leverage your emotions at work.

Kim Meninger is a leadership coach, consultant and TEDx speaker who is on a mission to make it easier to be human at work. She believes that what holds us back in the workplace is rarely our ability to do the work itself – it’s the fears, doubts and insecurities we bring to our interactions with others. Connect with Kim to learn more about how she can support you and/or your team.