Unlocking the Power of Time: Balancing Career and Single Parenthood

Earlier this year, an unexpected opportunity prompted me to pause and reassess my life’s priorities.? In a bold move I chose to take a short but meaningful detour from the well-trodden path of my career, allowing myself the gift of time.? Looking back at my career, I’ve had some time to identify a few insights cultivated over decades of balancing dual roles of working and parenting.?

Key Insights to Choosing Time Wisely

• Fewer responsibilities can result in hidden time treasures.? When this happens, fill your time with fresh experiences, challenging work, and two types of companions:? those who bring you smiles and those who broaden your perspectives.

• Embrace change swiftly.? The faster we navigate the change curve, the greater our chance to shape its outcome and accelerate our productivity.?

• Spend time seeking contentment over constant pursuit.? Choose to find happiness in the present, seeing anything more as a welcome bonus rather than a requirement.

• We are all brimming with untapped potential and are capable of so much more than we think.? It just takes the right circumstance to unlock our super powers, enabling the ability to accomplish more in the same amount of time than we ever thought possible!
• Regularly reassess your priorities; failing to do so may result in unwittingly spending valuable time on activities that neither align with our goals nor values

If you find yourself grappling also with the perpetual struggle to find time for all that truly matters to you, I am also sharing a deeply personal narrative of my own journey—one that may resonate with those seeking solace in candid tales of balancing professional aspirations with the complexities of life. ? Read on below if you think it may be helpful!

When Time Matters Most

How one single working parent gave herself permission to accept the gift of time

Finding the Perfect Job

Twenty-five years ago, I was in my final year of UVA and ready to conquer the world.? After four straight months of recruiting madness, I had grown weary of fancy hotels, free food, and fun recruiting trips.? When I received my 19th job offer, I decided it was time to choose a place I could truly call “home” after graduation.? Young and energetic, I sought a company with a similar spirit, one willing to offer the flexibility for me to pursue my passions.

At the time, I was intrigued by the idea of combining my two passions: art and science.? The concept of blending user experience with technology (well before usability had become a common buzzword), was exhilarating.? An innovative bank, with its flexibility and support for associates charting unique paths, seemed like the perfect fit.? It wasn’t the highest-paying option, but it was young, dynamic, fast-paced, and ticked all the right boxes.

Reflecting back, I am immensely grateful for the time I’ve had with the organization.? I cherish the lifelong friendships I’ve made, the challenges I’ve conquered, and the countless adventures I’ve embarked upon.? The company became a part of me, drawing me back every day.? Along the way I learned how to build reusable and resilient applications, adapt to constant change, anticipate others’ needs, and be both a better team player and leader.? I learned the nuances of how to motivate while being both empathetic and empowering.? I learned the subtle art of influence without compromising my values as well as which battles were worth fighting and when to let go.

The blend of interesting problems to solve, working alongside others with diverse perspectives, and a continuous landscape of learning helped make me a better person.? Over time, I came to embrace change, appreciating the opportunity to assess what worked, what didn’t, and what new ideas and possibilities lay ahead.? I become adept at making sound, logical tradeoffs, swiftly evaluating costs and benefits while taking past learnings and experiences into account, and making sound business decisions.?

?Finding Balance

Making bold personal decisions, however, proved more challenging.? Internal career moves were well calculated and often arose when someone else paved the way (or surreptitiously moved me to a new team or assignment).? As I became responsible for others’ livelihoods, my risk tolerance waned.? I envied those who threw caution to the wind and made somewhat spontaneous life-changing decisions without, what seemed, a care in the world.

For the most part, life seemed to have a way of forcing decisions when needed, sometimes with hidden opportunity costs--better titles, higher pay, quicker career progress.? While I admit to occasional daydreams of life beyond the company “walls,” I never had enough reason to leave.? Why mess with a good thing??

During my 25-year journey, there were times when work actually became the easiest part of my day, providing stability amidst life’s chaos.? And there were plenty of times when the opposite was true.? Life seems to be a big game of balance that requires us to constantly adjust.? Sixteen years ago, I faced my first profound struggle with balance, though I chuckle now recalling how I thought I was busy before.?

?When Life Swallows You

?In a story eerily reminiscent of a made-for-tv movie, my life changed overnight as I was thrust into single parenthood.? This was far from my life plan!? Aside from dealing with the emotional burden of trauma while caring for a 1-year-old and two-month-old twins, I had to quickly learn the art of balancing the many demands that piled quickly on my shoulders.? The late-night feedings, constant changing diapers, work obligations, and endless supply of dishes and laundry created a struggle for survival that dominated most days.??

I’ve come to believe that in moments of crises, we discover reservoirs of strength we never knew existed.? I learned how to graciously accept help and immediately adjust my standards (food on the floor? No big deal!). I devised shortcuts and life hacks to survive.? As time passed and one stage of childhood turned into another, I got better about managing the balance and took on greater responsibilities at work, finding respite in exercising different parts of my brain.?

Surprisingly, as toddlers became pre-teens, parenting demands seemed to double.? Rec sports became travel sports, elementary homework turned into specialty center projects, and toddler tantrums (often ending in hugs!) shifted into irrational teenage outbursts.? And COVID-19 with its virtual learning introduced new highs and lows that I’m not sure any of us knew how to handle.

Weekends with time spent doing laundry and grocery shopping gave way to traveling almost every weekend eight months of the year to support my impressive young athletes.? Evening time to myself after putting young children to bed was replaced with driving to and from practices, late-night high school games, and family dinners after 10 pm.???

Making Trade-offs

As family activities and work responsibilities grew, so did the tradeoffs.? Little things here and there…ignoring excruciating pain in my hip (a difficult thing for this former competitive athlete), putting off things around the house that needed to be fixed, forgoing homemade dinners, sidelining personal hobbies, regular doctor visits, good sleep, and exercise. In the moment, each trade-off seemed justified.?

Despite challenges, work was going well, my children were thriving, and I had much to be thankful for.? However, as the additional toll of mounting undiagnosed health issues combined with years of relentless demands of raising kids by myself, managing the household, hectic work hours, the ongoing neglect of self-care, the balance I had worked so hard to maintain began to tip.? I was exhausted in a way I had not felt before.

It had become too easy to get caught up in the demands of work, the pursuit of a successful career, successful children, and the desire to be financially prepared for the future.? Thinking about change, anxiety and fear of the unknown were amplified by the “what if'' scenarios that danced in my head.? But when does health and well-being take precedence over financial stability and career advancement?? When you’re solely responsible for three other lives, when is it okay to put yourself first?? These and many other tough questions are ones I think many of us grapple with.

Changing Paths

By the end of last year, something felt amiss.? Was it my hip, my children’s health, work, or something else?? I couldn’t pinpoint it, but life has a funny way of prompting change when we need it the most.? In January of this year, my intuition was confirmed when my company announced they were restructuring the “agile" job family within Technology.

The concept itself wasn’t new for me as I had been researching, experimenting, and piloting the idea for well over a year. The specific approach, however, was a surprise and took time to absorb.? The history of “job families” at the company was often complex, with individuals like me, who started out as engineers and shape-shifted for various needs, undergoing behind-the-scenes job family changes with minimal job impact.

For most, the change was sudden and immediate; it’s always hard to see the lives of people you care about impacted.? I was grateful to have the option to take on the newly created role and help define it and champion ongoing excellence in delivery with a new perspective.? Alternatively, I could instead take the unexpected path, seizing a unique opportunity to temporarily slow down and reprioritize my focus.

On one hand, I valued the unwavering support and trust from my leadership team and was eager to set a new precedent and blaze a trail for others.? On the other hand, I couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling that I would be crazy not to take the time to reassess my life.? After all, how often does such a gift come right up and knock at my door??

A Chance to Reassess

Over the next few months, while I was working to ensure projects transitioned smoothly, I set aside time to evaluate my priorities at this stage of life.? I realized the one thing I had longed for but couldn’t seem to find, was time.? Time to prioritize the things that mattered most, time with my children before they ventured off to college, time to address all the things that kept getting pushed to the “do it later” list, time to recharge, reset, and reprioritize.

I crunched the numbers, documented pros and cons, solicited the input of friends, colleagues, and mentors.? My heart knew my decision long before my logical brain accepted it. After months of internal struggle, grappling with fears and doubts, and worrying about the financial implications of unemployment in a volatile market, I made the bold decision to put myself first, for the very first time.

I declined the offer and bid farewell to the place I called home for so long, all to focus on myself and my family.? It would be a temporary break, but I believed the effort would yield lasting dividends for my entire family.??

?A leap of faith

Though I can’t predict the future, I have cherished every moment of my newfound time.? I’ve accomplished so much in the last four months that I often wonder how I managed a full workday alongside everything else!? We are happier and healthier, and I view the world with greater clarity now. ? Have I tackled everything on my to-do list?? Far from it.? Am I maximizing every minute of the day?? Not quite.? But have I done things I would have never dreamed of finding time to do had I not taken this leap of faith?? Absolutely.

?Sharing My Story

While I have the time, I thought it would be helpful to share a small piece of my journey with others. During my period of self-reflection, I had the opportunity to speak with many others to get their thoughts and I was genuinely surprised by the number of people who had taken breaks to prioritize life outside of work, only to return successfully to the workforce.? These candid conversations reassured me that I wasn’t alone and boosted my confidence to be able to make the right decision for me.

As I relish this temporary change, I hope that sharing my story might resonate with someone in a similar phase of life.? It serves as a reminder that reassessing priorities once in a while can be extremely valuable.? You don’t need to wait for something to hit you in the face before you realize there may come a time when time itself becomes your most precious commodity.

?What if something crazy happens and all the jobs I know how to do shut down or I wait too long and going back to my old job is not an option?? Well, that will be a real bummer.? But I’ve survived greater challenges and I can’t imagine trading the investment I’m making now.? Unless I find a winning lottery ticket land on my front step, I plan to return to work soon, recharged and ready.? With fingers crossed, I hope my next adventure will be as fulfilling as the last!