Unlocking Power: From "Why" to "What"

When I'm coaching leaders, understanding their 'why' is crucial. As Simon Sinek suggests, your 'why' is a potent motivator, connecting logic and emotion. It's an excellent question for delving into intrinsic drivers and going deeper with feelings.

However, beyond this context, I think the question 'why' has the potential to limit effectiveness.

Here's my thinking...

Asking "why?" can sound whingy, whiny, moany ("but whyyyyy?"). It come off as judgmental, or even appear condescending if not delivered with the right tone and body language. It tends to elicit opinions and excuses that hinder progress and stifle deeper conversations, and can become quite heated.

When this occurs, you surrender your power, relinquishing the inner strength and courage necessary for problem-solving and understanding different perspectives. You become stuck in unproductive loops and may settle with the frustrating phrase, "let's just agree to disagree," ultimately stagnating potential progress and creating intolerance towards alternative ways of thinking.

My preference over 'why' is 'what.'

'What' helps to neutralise emotions and keeps us focused on our desired outcomes. It empowers us to challenge thinking, negotiate outcomes, understand different perspectives, and nurture deeper trust and connections.

To lead more effectively, swap out 'why' with 'what'. For example:

• What is the purpose of this meeting?
• What specific outcomes are we aiming for?
• What is your key focus here?
• What do you need from me?
• What alternative options have you considered?
• What was the rationale behind this decision?
• What obstacles are hindering progress?

Note the strength in these questions—they remain open, curious, kind, and welcoming. You'll feel more comfortable asking 'what' over 'why' and less inclined to shy away from challenging conversations. This is where you as a leader will build the inner confidence you need to take on any conversation and succeed.

For more insights, check out my video on the topic here.

OR, reach out for a chat or find a time here.

Shelley Flett is a transformational leadership trainer and executive coach who believes the journey to dynamic leadership is lifelong, it's exciting and challenging - and the most fulfilling adventure one can embark on in their career. It's a journey to take with others - to learn, to grow, to fail, to love and experience all the joy that comes with being imperfectly human - together!

https://www.shelleyflett.com