Unlocking Leadership Potential Through Curiosity

As leaders, we often find ourselves trapped in a cycle of constant problem-solving and advice-giving. It's an exhausting pattern that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and our teams dependent on our input. But what if there was a more effective way to lead? A method that not only empowers your team but also frees up your time and energy for strategic thinking?

This is where The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier comes in, a book that's been quietly revolutionizing leadership approaches across industries. In our latest Love and Leadership podcast episode, Michael S. and I explored the core principles of this game-changing book. Today, I want to dig deeper into these ideas and share how they can transform your leadership style, regardless of your industry or experience level.

The Power of Curiosity

At the heart of Stanier's approach is a simple yet profound shift: from giving advice to asking questions. It's about cultivating a habit of curiosity that can transform your interactions with your team. But why is this so powerful?

Firstly, it acknowledges a fundamental truth: your advice isn't always as good as you think it is. This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially for those of us who've built our careers on our expertise. But the reality is, no matter how knowledgeable we are, we can't possibly have all the answers for every situation our team faces.

Moreover, by constantly jumping in with solutions, we're inadvertently creating a dependency. Our teams start to rely on us for answers, leading to bottlenecks in decision-making and stunting their growth. It's a lose-lose situation: we become overwhelmed, and our team members feel disempowered.

The Seven Questions That Can Change Everything

Stanier proposes seven essential questions that can help break this cycle. Let's explore each one and how it can be applied in your daily leadership:

1. "What's on your mind?" This open-ended question sets the stage for meaningful conversation. It signals to your team member that you're there to listen, not to dictate. It creates a space for them to bring up what's truly important, not just what they think you want to hear.
2. "And what else?" This deceptively simple follow-up can lead to breakthrough insights. It encourages deeper thinking and often reveals the real issue at hand. Don't be afraid to ask it multiple times – the gold often comes after the third or fourth "what else".
3. "What's the real challenge here for you?" This question helps cut through the noise and focus on the core issue. It's easy to get lost in a sea of problems, but identifying the central challenge is crucial for effective problem-solving.
4. "What do you want?" This question can be surprisingly difficult for people to answer. We're often so caught up in what we think we should want or what others expect of us that we lose sight of our true desires. By asking this, you're helping your team member clarify their goals and motivations.
5. "How can I help?" Instead of assuming you know what's needed, this question puts the ball in their court. It forces them to think critically about what support they actually need, rather than defaulting to dependency.
6. "If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" This question is a powerful tool for priority-setting. It reminds us that every decision has a trade-off and encourages more thoughtful commitment-making.
7. "What was most useful for you?" Ending conversations with this question reinforces learning and helps both you and your team member identify what's most valuable in your interactions.

The Neuroscience of Coaching

What makes these questions so effective is how they work with our brains. Stanier touches on some fascinating neuroscience in his book, which explains why this approach is so powerful.

For instance, our brains are constantly scanning for threats, about five times a second. This is great for survival, but not so great for open, creative thinking in the workplace. By asking open-ended questions and showing genuine curiosity, we help create a sense of psychological safety. This allows our team members' brains to move out of "survival mode" and into a state more conducive to problem-solving and innovation.

Moreover, when we ask questions instead of giving immediate answers, we're activating different parts of the brain. Instead of the passive reception of information, we're encouraging active engagement and problem-solving. This leads to better solutions and also helps reinforce learning and develop critical thinking skills.

Overcoming the Advice Monster

One of the biggest challenges in adopting this coaching style is overcoming what Stanier calls the "Advice Monster". This is that part of us that loves to swoop in with solutions, that feels validated by being needed. Taming this monster isn't easy, but it's crucial for effective leadership.

Start by becoming aware of your tendencies. Do you find yourself jumping in with advice before fully understanding the situation? Are you asking questions that are really just thinly veiled suggestions? Catch yourself in these moments and consciously choose curiosity instead.

Remember, this isn't about never giving advice. There are times when your expertise and guidance are genuinely needed. The key is to make advice-giving a conscious choice, not a reflex.

Building a Coaching Habit

Like any habit, becoming a coaching-style leader takes practice. Here are some tips to help you build this habit:

1. Start small: Choose one question to focus on and practice using it in your interactions.
2. Create triggers: Identify specific situations (like one-on-ones or problem-solving meetings) where you'll practice your coaching approach.
3. Be patient with yourself: You'll likely fall back into old habits sometimes. That's okay. Acknowledge it and recommit to your coaching approach.
4. Seek feedback: Ask your team how they're experiencing your new approach. Their input can be invaluable in refining your technique.

The Impact of a Coaching Approach

Adopting a coaching style of leadership can have profound effects on both you and your team. You'll likely find yourself less overwhelmed as you empower your team to solve their own problems. Your team members will grow in confidence and capability as they learn to trust their own judgment.

Moreover, this approach can lead to more innovative solutions. By drawing out your team's ideas instead of always providing your own, you're tapping into a diverse pool of perspectives and experiences.

The shift from advice-giver to curiosity-led coach is a powerful one. It's not always easy – our Advice Monsters can be stubborn – but the rewards are well worth the effort. By embracing curiosity and empowering your team through thoughtful questions, you're not just solving today's problems – you're building a more capable, confident, and innovative team for the future.

Great leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about asking the right questions.