Unlocking Growth Through Unlearning

"In our pursuit of success, we often forget that learning isn't just about acquiring new knowledge; it’s about unlearning old ways that no longer serve us. The Zen story below beautifully illustrates this concept..."

Story: Zen, Professor, and Tea

(Source: Internet: Zen Flesh and Bones: A collection of Zen and pre-Zen writings)

This is a story about a Zen master and a very successful professor. The professor wanted to understand what he still didn’t know about the life of a Zen master. When the professor visited the master to learn about the essence of Zen, the master served tea. He kept pouring even after the professor’s cup was full until the tea spilt onto the table. When the professor protested, the master put down the teapot and said, “Just like your cup, you’re full of your own ideas. How can I show you Zen if you already know everything?”

Moral of the Story:

To learn and grow, one must first empty one's mind of preconceived notions and arrogance.

What is the meaning of Unlearning?

The professor’s full cup represents our minds, filled with assumptions and preconceived notions. Just as the Zen master couldn’t pour more tea into a full cup, we can’t absorb new knowledge without unlearning what no longer serves us. This is where the power of unlearning comes into play.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, 'unlearning' means "to make an effort to forget your usual way of doing something so that you can learn a new and sometimes better way."

Unlearning means letting go of outdated beliefs, habits, and ways of thinking that no longer serve you. It’s not about forgetting what you know, but about making space for new ideas and approaches.

Example:

Have you ever found yourself stuck in old habits, even when you know times have changed? At the beginning of our careers, we may rely on receiving commands and validation from our seniors. But as we grow into leadership roles, unlearning this dependency becomes essential. Instead of waiting for others' approval, we must learn to appreciate our own achievements and guide others.

Similarly, there are many habits, such as distrusting ourselves, always being late, telling lies, or raising a hand on a child. Our patterns become so strong that we don’t realize we need to change anything, and we consider these behaviours normal.

Example:

A guitar teacher once charged more for a student who already knew how to play than for a complete beginner. Why? Because unlearning the wrong techniques is often harder than starting fresh. Similarly, breaking old habits requires more effort than learning something new.

Why is Unlearning Important?

We often resist unlearning because it threatens our comfort zone. It’s difficult to admit that what once worked for us no longer does. However, without unlearning, we risk becoming stuck in outdated patterns, and unable to adapt to new challenges. What we don’t realize is that the goal doesn’t need to change—just the path to achieving it.

Example:

Imagine we are creating videos with a target of gaining 100,000 subscribers in one year. We decide on a particular strategy and start working on it. After six months, we’ve only reached 10,000 subscribers. It’s time to review the current approach and make changes to ensure we can still achieve the goal.

How to Unlearn

The process of unlearning is challenging but rewarding. We often have solid justifications for continuing to do things the same way, such as "Why should I change if this has worked before?"

The first and most important step is to accept that there might be a better way to do things. Once we accept that, we open ourselves to the possibility of exploring something new. Like in the story, the professor arrived with a fixed mindset but still wanted to learn something new. The Zen master politely explained the professor’s current state of mind by overfilling the cup.

We need to break the unspoken assumptions that prevent us from making changes. Mindfulness plays an important role in understanding our current patterns and recognizing what’s working and what isn’t.

Here are three steps to start unlearning:

• Why Unlearn: Identify outdated patterns that are holding you back. This could be a habit, mindset, or skill that no longer serves you. Like smoking
• How to Unlearn: Replace old habits with new ones by exposing yourself to fresh perspectives—whether through books, mentors, or new experiences, like realizing that lemon water is a healthier choice than tea or coffee.
• Want to Unlearn: No one can answer this question for you. Understand the deeper motivation behind why you need to change. If you recognize that unlearning will improve your life or relationships, the process becomes easier.

Conclusion:

Unlearning is not just a skill—it’s a mindset. To keep evolving, we must be willing to let go of old beliefs and make room for new ideas. Just as the Zen master teaches, when we empty our minds of what no longer serves us, we can truly begin to grow.