Unlock The Grok

Unlock the Grok!

A few weeks ago, I hopped into a Lyft after work.? The conversation I had with the driver has stuck with me and has created a deeper desire to unpack meaning.?

We struck up a brief conversation and at the red light, he turned around and looked at me staring in silence. He then turned his head and stared back at the traffic ahead and said, “Lady, you have a lot of grok.”? I responded with what most would respond with, “Oh….ok,” while internally scratching my head with confusion.

Grok, I asked myself? What the heck is Grok? (A new household cleaner?? The latest social media app?? A? buzzy, au courant cocktail?)

On my way home, I did research and uncovered a treasure trove of meaning.

Grok, "a term coined by science fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein, which essentially means to understand something intuitively and completely. To experience another’s experience so deeply that at times the separation between two is blurred. The observer essentially becomes a part of the observed – merging two where humanity is woven into one.

We live our lives with a separateness, and when we systematically connect, everything we do spreads.? Our energy and our actions affect the whole of humanity.

I spend a lot of time with clients having them experience another’s experience - and the systemic interconnectedness at play - with a colleague, a boss, a team member, a relationship.

• How often do we avoid the challenging conversation because our perception of the relationship is challenged?
• How many times do we assume we have mental telepathy of another’s actions only to find that their intentions were diametrically opposite of our experience?
• Raise your hand if you spend time with your family only to find that the way they engage is a throwback to an outdated 16 year-old version of yourself?

Each one of us is learning, unlearning and redefining our own sense of being.? In fact, we humans replace 330 billion cells a day and regenerate cells every 7-10 years. Yes! Each of us evolves. You, me, our colleagues, our relationships are all in constant flux.?

?? How many stories are we holding onto about ourselves and others that are outdated???

?? How does one get closer to experiencing another’s experience where one’s perceptions are undeniable truths? ?

What's a solution?

?? Become a keypad access code.?

Yes, like the ones you find when renting an AirBnB. You type in your four-digit code and open the door to a brand new story. When you become that access code, you invite another to unlock stories about their experiences.? In doing so, you are inviting powerful questions that provide context and meaning.? They are able to share their unique lens in which they experience the world. How they see, interpret, decision-make, and communicate.??

??When is the last time we have honored another’s story through powerful questions and inquiries that meet people where they are now?

Questions are the vehicle that gets to the root and the moral of their story.?

? To become an access code, begin questions with “what” and “how.”?

Here are a few examples:

?? What would you share with a best friend if you ran into him/her today? (A client shared this with me today - love this one).

?? How are you creating boundaries at this moment? And responding to the boundaries of others?

?? What is a challenge you’ve recently overcome that is energizing??

?? What is a dream that you’ve never said aloud??

And let’s be clear, having grok, meaning having compassion and empathy for why someone behaves the way they do based on their experiences, never means tolerating behavior or holding space for it. Sometimes you just need to exit stage left.??

You can absolutely have compassion while also setting boundaries. It’s the purest expression of having compassion for yourself.?

How do you unlock your grok?