Unlock EQ Success: R.U.L.E.R. Method

"I'm trying to calm down. I don't want to go home Ms. Tameka. I'm just trying to calm down." The little 5 yr old human screams clearly trying to get a handle on her now dysregulated emotions.

"Let's go into the other room to chat so we don't disturb our friends." I said as she follows me covering her mouth as she whimpers.

I saw the emotions building.

I made a plan to help her regulate if she asked.

So when she asked, I was ready to go.

I had just read a book, Permission to Feel and learned about the R.U.L.E.R. method and was eager to implement it.

Recognize.

"What’s wrong?" I asked her.

"Well I was trying to play with the little girl and she didn't want to play with me. She took my---" She was speaking so fast and loud I could barely understand her.

"Remember, I cannot help you if I cannot hear you." I said very calmly to invite her to breathe. "I see you are feeling some really big feelings so let's talk about it."

"Okay Ms. Tameka. I was saying I don't want you to send me home. I'm trying to calm down but I don't want to go home." She said as she began to cry again.

"I'm not going to send you home my friend. We are talking so breathe. Now what happened?" I asked again.

She explained she was trying to play with another little girl when the girl took a toy she wanted to play with and wouldn't allow her to play. She got angry and began to scream and throw things.

Understand.

"Why did you throw the toys?" I asked her. By this time, she wasn't crying and she looked remorseful.

"I just don't know. I wanted to play with her." She said in a whiny voice.

"You wanted to play with her and when she ran away that made you throw the toys at your other friends?" I asked.

"Yes." She said and giggled after seeing my expression.

Label.

"What do you feel?" I asked her.

"Angry." She said as she folded her arms. "She doesn't want to play with me."

"I understand. Sometimes it makes me sad when someone I like doesn't want to play with me either. But we cannot throw things when we get angry or sad." I said.

"Yes, Ms. Tameka. I feel sad." She said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Express.

"How do you want to express this?" I asked her. "When I get sad, I will write about how I feel then dance because that helps my body shake off those feelings. Wanna dance with me?"

"YES!" She jumped up and down and said, "Can you play 'Shake it Off?'"

"You got it!" I said and we danced to the tune.

Regulate.

By the time the song was done, she was smiling and hugging me.

"What's one thing you feel grateful for right now?" I asked her.

"You. I'm grateful for you Ms. Tameka. Can I have a hug?" She asked.

"Of course." I said, gave her a hug and asked, "are you ready to join your friends?"

"Yes." She said excitedly.

"Okay do you think you need to offer an apology for throwing toys at them?" I asked.

"Yes ma'am." She ran in the room and yelled, "hey y'all, I'm sorry for throwing toys, Ms. Tameka helped me calm down so I don't have to go home!"

The R.U.L.E.R. methods works to help students regulate overwhelming emotions.

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