The Unlived Disease

If there was a real reason why there are so many rising cases of depression and anxiety in the world, even with the rise in the quality of life, the root cause comes down to unlived dreams.

With the massive improvement of health care, our life spans became longer. We now live to our 90’s and 100’s. 

Although, most people already are dead by 25. 

(This is why some people have a quarter-life crisis, as I did. Most people have a crisis in mid-life. Existential, or life crisis, is an inevitable junction for those who commit to unliving).

Frustrated, angry adults are a norm. You grew up watching them, and being raised by them. Now, you are one of them. 

I knew an accountant who flinched even at the thought that her life could be different. Hearing of the possibilities I outlined to her made her angry. She saw me as an impossible dreamer... except, I am now living that exact dream I outlined to her (which I did without any family help and outside financial help, while raising two kids).

The story of the Accountant is so typically ordinary. She was pushed into accountancy by her father when she was 18. He chose this profession for her, even her school, because it is something stable, a respectful profession, and something that will always feed her. She never had a chance to get to know herself, or even ponder what she is good at, nor what contribution would fulfill her the most.

Now, at 40, she took over the role of her father's voice in her head. Now, it's all her, even though this is something she's unaware of. She's the only one who doesn't let herself the chance to even see the glimpse of other possibilities. She's the only one who holds herself back and punishes herself, in the midst of hating where she is, and gets any flash of other possibilities.

It's just too painful.

For her, like for many, the concept of other possibilities oscillated between being a massive pain, and pleasure. The pleasure is a glimpse of light out of a life she hates, which quickly turns into a great pain because it's something she wants, but can never fathom to have.

Then comes the regrets: "I wasted so many years. If only I had started earlier."

She can never tell her father that he pushed her into the wrong thing and it's making her miserable. She loves him. She could never do that to her elderly parent.

Her parents, like most parents, never discussed the concepts of having a vision, or a mission in life. Their priority has always been about survival, and how to look successful in the eyes of their community and the society.

I can't count how many successful professionals I have met with this exact "unlived disease." At one point, they were pushed into something. In many cultures, it is still a norm to pursue a profession approved by the family. Even when it's not forced upon, it's an invisible rule and pressure. For many, they felt the need to choose something acceptable so they won't be seen as a loser.

Accountants. Lawyers. Directors. Presidents... on the outside, they are so accomplished. Yet secretly, even away from their loved one's eyes, they suffer from this deep pain of not really being sure of who they are. After 10-20+ years, they are not really sure of what they are now fighting for. Depleted, confused, and thinking... how much longer?

Then comes the reasons why they can't do it. Family obligations, mortgage, and other responsibilities of caring for aging parents.

The natural response of living out their "dream" is to imagine that there has to be some kind of financial disaster accompanying it.

This is how you are kept chained.

There is nothing worse than making your children, and the ones you love, the obstacle that blocks you from exploring the ways that will make you feel fulfilled and happier.

When in fact, being so dissatisfied makes you a disengaged parent, an unpleasant leader and a colleague, and not such a great contribution to the world.

Others are not the ones to blame. There is only one culprit in this problem.

Your Conditioning.

Once, just like every little child, you believed you could do anything.

You weren’t born this way. You became this way. 

You were the closest to who you really are and your realest values when you were under the age of 7. Then, were stripped of the possibilities, and conditioned to believe into the reality of those who have been stuck and jaded for decades.

How many unliving adults do you think laughed at Steve Jobs' idea of the iPhone back in 2007?

How many unliving people do you think laughed at Starbucks and $6 lattes in a paper cup being a genius idea?

The same unliving people indulge in these once laughable visions the most. It gives them that experience.

How did these people do what they accomplished? They recognized Conditioning. They saw who they really were, and where Conditioning began and ended.

You remove the Conditioning, you remove the weight that holds you down. You fly above the impossibilities.

When you're flying, you have a bird's eye point of you. At such exhilarating heights, Everything seems so small. There are no problems that are real problems.

You secretly want to believe in possibilities again. You want to feel delight when you open your eyes in the morning. You yearn for that feeling of being fully aligned, loving exactly where you are. This is a gift that is only awarded to those who take the risk. Those who dare to try are the most brave, because by starting on this path, they are daring to be a newbie again in many ways.

It's more comfortable to never explore, to never start, because it's hard to be new in something as an accomplished person.

Growth never stops. The path is simple. You were born perfect and untampered from Conditioning. Now you need to become your child-self who believes in possibilities again, with the wisdom, experience, and expertise of an adult. And you start with the question, "What would be my best contribution to the world?"

This is what it's like to feel ALIVE.

About the Author:

Julia Cha is a best-selling author and a success coach for women leaders ready to shatter glass ceilings. With her expertise in subconscious transformation, she guides her clients to create their dream life in all aspects: a thriving career, financial abundance, and supportive relationships.

Learn more: www.juliacha.com

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