This Is Why You'll Always Be A Slave To Your?Work And How To Fix It
I quit a decade-long career in 2016 and I never looked back. The strange thing is that even though I've been making way more money and working way less while having the time to do what I love, I sometimes feel it's never enough.
Coming from a fitness background and watching how it has transformed my life, I'm fascinated with building habits and peak performance.
Over the years, I have read science that validates my own experiences, such as well-being and states of awe, and it fuels my curiosity to learn even more. I spend my spare time studying anything related to how our brains and body work because once you have control of your physiology and "the science of how it works", you have control of your life.
Life is full of paradoxes because equilibrium is our natural state even though it actually doesn't exist.
I have a pretty good grasp on work/life balance because I understand it's a myth. It's all about your priorities at that time in your life.
Knowing this and the aggravating push-pull direction of our brains driven by dopamine, the force behind our motivation and drive, I continue to grapple with this feeling of scarcity while training my mind to live abundantly.
You can scroll to the bottom to find out the lesson I learned about myself and why I drove myself to burn out two years ago and how I overcame it.
In this article, I want to explore why we tie so much of our self-worth into our work.
Why Work Becomes A Part Of A High-Achievers Identity
Life and career achievement are put on an extreme pedestal.
Paradoxically, we are all driven by fear of failure because of an imperceptible pressure imposed on us by conventional societal standards.
The fear of failing ourselves, our family, and our community can ironically isolate us from the ones who truly matter to us.
High-achievers are good at what they do so they tend to be rewarded financially, elevating their social class because they are able to afford materialistic possessions and services.
Momentum is a magnifier and the more they achieve, the more intrinsically motivated they become to maintain this identity, linking our self-worth to our work. Employment also provides fulfillment, purpose, and belonging.
There is nothing wrong with this because it’s in our human nature to succeed and want more.
Being socially valued is also one of our core needs as defined by?Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
The trouble arises when we become too confined in these behaviours and experience an identity crisis when things aren’t going the way they want.
When work defines you, it’s hard to draw boundaries between that and your personal life.
Exploring your subconscious to identify the root cause of your choices and behaviours.
Our tendencies often arise from subconscious conditioning that’s been programmed in us— it operates from any information (or experience) it has received since the day we are born.
I see a lot of people who are experiencing burn out or using work to distract themselves from other issues (relationship problems, loneliness, etc) but they don't seem to understand the long-term damage this is going to cause.
Don't you want to live a long life with a healthy and happy brain?
Understanding where your behaviours stem from will give you clarity and intrinsic motivation to kickstart a positive change in your life by reprogramming your thoughts.
I recommend journaling your thoughts, talking to a friend, or better yet, taking advantage of the privilege of therapy (aka personal development) and talking to a therapist.
We could all benefit from a non-biased perspective in our lives.
Signs your work is linked to your identity:
How to Boost your Self-Worth Outside of Work:
1. Challenge negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts are normal because our brain’s only job is to help us survive so it is constantly scanning our environment and calling out things that don’t match our current paradigm.
When you have negative thoughts, catch them and be aware of them. Try to replace it with an alternative thought or be curious about why that thought popped into your head.
This is a mindfulness practice that will eventually get easier as you rewire your brain if you practice it consistently.
2. Engage in non-work-related activities.
Take up a new hobby.
Passion is discovered through performing new activities consistently. Perhaps you will find something you enjoy doing as much as your work!
Balance in life is crucial for your well-being.
3. Spend time outdoors to calibrate and recharge.
You deserve a reset and a change in environment is the best way.
There is no doubt about it but nature truly heals and spending time outdoors naturally calms us down. The science is strong but we are all creatures of Mother Earth and no different than any other species on this planet; we need the sunlight and fresh air to truly thrive.
How did we forget this?
There is something about being surrounded by trees, listening to a bird song, walking around barefoot, and the sand between your toes. If you do these things and are?consciously aware?of its calming effects, you will only entwine with its high vibrations.
Spending 20-30min per day immersed in it is?associated with the biggest drop in cortisol levels?which will ground you and give you a new perspective on how to live your life.
4. Understand work-life balance is possible but not constant.
Work-life balance is a myth because balance means stasis– we would remain in this state forever but that’s not how the universe works.
Nothing is constant.
The world naturally ebbs and flows so you must think of your work as part of your life, rather than an opposing part of it.
Reframe work-life balance as a dynamic concept.
You are not always going to achieve it but you must learn to constantly be aware of changes in your life and shift priorities as you go along so that your work and personal life can intermingle dynamically like two graceful ballroom dancers.
5. Remember that we are all dynamic individuals.
Self-esteem and our characteristics are not fixed traits.
Everything we see, think, feel, and do is impacted by our environment. The secret is to not play the victim and take everything personally—?instead, become curious about yourself and the world around you so you can evolve with it.
Question everything with genuine curiosity: your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Observe those around you but seek to understand, not judge.
What I Learned About Myself
I received my spiritual awakening in 2014 and I’ve been doing some pretty deep shadow work the last few years. Very commonly, I uncovered the fact that it was my own father who made me feel like I was never enough.
By constantly nagging me and pointing out my flaws rather than my achievements, it drove me to work harder, leading to impossible standards, people-pleasing, and burnout because our caretakers have such a huge influence on our decisions and behavior.
I was hard on myself and hard on everyone around me because I expected everyone to have the same standards and militant mindset I have.
I mean, I taught myself how to code at 9, started my career at 19, bought my own apartment in my early 20s, and got into fitness at 21 (he was always complaining about how we were lazy teenagers), and I’ve never fallen off the bandwagon — when is it enough?!?!
Don’t get me wrong, my dad was the BEST DAD IN THE WORLD — his negativity bias just controlled his mind because my immigrant parents only knew how to work and survive to give my sister and me the life we have now so I have zero resentment towards my dad. ?? I know his “over-worrying” is just his way of showing he cares because that’s the only way he knows how.
How did I bring this to awareness?
When I was burning out, my hormones were all over the place. For some reason, I felt so much anxiety before seeing my parents. I would literally hear my dad’s voice in my head nagging me and it would play over and over (why is your apartment so messy! what did you buy now?! are you saving enough money?).
But by learning where these triggers came from, I was able to stop them by rewiring my brain.
When the anxiety and voices in my head told me I wasn’t good enough, I was able to put logic behind it and that my dad was only doing this from a place of love. I still get triggered because you can never fully get rid of certain triggers but I eventually rewired my brain to detach by switching emotional states quickly.
But identifying where your intentions come from and bringing them to awareness is the first step to redirecting your life to a new trajectory. Your brain can’t fix something it doesn’t understand.
Since then, I’ve been able to achieve a better work-life balance and inner peace effortlessly. When you understand yourself, life is just much easier.
What About You?
Have you ever questioned your own motives on why you do the things you do?
Why you are the person you are today?
You may think there is nothing "wrong" with you— I didn't think so either but I was thrown into very real-life experiences which made me realize that there is nothing wrong with me... but there are many areas of my life I wanted to improve so I can become the well-rounded person I want to be.
—
I write about #discipline, consistency, showing up, hard work, no shortcuts, #productivity, cultivating good habits, #mindsetmastery, abundance, #wellnessthatworks, spirituality, relationships, and creating time freedom.
I've been immersed in so many different lifestyles and actually experienced things you only watch in movies or read in books because I decided to not live conventionally.
Follow me on?Twitter?or subscribe to the official version of?THE SMRT LIST, for more no-nonsense life advice to future-proof your mind. We go into deep-dives on different uncomfortable truths and real life. ???www.24caratinc.io
Stay curious. Plant seeds. ??