Unleashing Generational Black Trauma

On July 13, 2020 @ 1:50 pm the beautiful Queen "Leoline" laid cradled in my arms with her head resting on my chest as she quietly went to sleep for the final time. Although she had just turned 90 years old 2 days prior and had lived a full life ~ it will always feel as though she left me too soon. As I think back to that day of waking-up seeing her smiling face looking at me, I washed her-up, fed her breakfast, held her soft hand steady so she could use the squeeze ball to strengthen her arms and today I ask myself "how was I to know that I would only have a few more hours with her".

I felt that this was the worst thing in the world for me, but little did I know it was only the beginning. After 5 hours the funeral home came to take her away and I felt so alone, so empty and broken.

The following day I went to her home only to discover that some family members had helped themselves to her belongings, trashed her home and ripped up my photos leaving them sprawled across the bed I had there, and bank statements sprawled across my mother's bed and disheveled her closets. I had spoken to the management and after checking the sign-in log and speaking with the security, I learned these family members arrived only 2-hours after my mom had been taken to the funeral home and had told the guard that they were there to visit their mom. Later that day I had a family member ponding at my door yelling that my mom had left me all this money. There are many more events that took place, but this will be released in the upcoming documentary.

I will tell you that I had no idea that they carried this in their hearts, and I just could not wrap my head around any of this since I never thought money would cause such evilness.

I often wonder how can they sleep at nights and how do they live with themselves? I cried so much and I blamed myself because had I known this is what they carried in their hearts for the sake of a dollar, the bitterness they carried for the very same women that gave them life, a place to stay when they had no place to live, I would have and then I drew blanks, I beat myself up and then I finally asked myself "how was I to know", how do you prepare for something so evil?

It took me 2-years to begin the journey for the new chapters in my life. When I released the balloons into the air, I felt a heaviness lift from my shoulders, and it was then that I became free.

Later that evening I slept like a baby because I was so tired from carrying the aches and heart wrenching feelings around with me. I am no-longer seeking answers as I am not responsible for the despicable behaviors of others. My responsibility is beginning the new chapters of my life, preserving my sanity to inspire others that no-matter how rough the road, you can walk it as I have and make it to wherever it is your heart desires you to go. Keeping Leoline's legacy alive is a narrative that continues.

Some may feel this is not the platform for my story, but it very much is because the feelings tap into your work and your business and for me to truly service others in their healing, I must do the same for myself.