Unleash Your Potential

One day in 1996, when my husband was at work, I was at Macy’s looking for a purse to replace my worn-out one. I found a purse that I liked on the discount table. Walking to the cashier, I heard a voice saying, “Put it down. You don’t make money. You cannot afford it.” It was on sale for $19.99, nothing fancy. But I listened to that voice and put the purse back on the discount table. The truth is that this was a necessary purchase to replace my worn-out purse. I held back from buying it because I believed I should not spend what I don’t make. I would not replenish the money spent, and I felt guilty.

I’ve wondered how many women and stay-at-home parents have felt this way. We don’t have to be the breadwinners in the relationship to contribute something equally valuable. I knew I wasn’t being fair to myself when I decided not to buy that purse and that I needed to do something. Before getting my green card and authorization to work in the United States, I started finding other ways to save money: I researched credit card rewards, clipped coupons, and learned about tax savings strategies. It’s part of the reason I have a career in finance now. I knew I was on the right track when I found a tax-saving strategy our accountant missed (and I quickly found another accountant after that).

This is just one story that shows how rewriting my financial beliefs improved my life, and I’d like to help you take control of your beliefs too. In my new series, Women’s Million Dollar Conversations, we’ve discussed expanding our vision; now, it’s time to overcome the limiting beliefs that hold us back. I’ve worked with many individuals, couples, and companies in my career as a? ChFC?, Chartered Financial Consultant, and found virtually everyone has limiting beliefs around money and taxes that show up in different forms. The bottom line is recognizing when you say to yourself, “I am not worthy of X” or “I don’t deserve this.” And then ask yourself why.

Remember the purse I wanted to buy? Instead of saying “no” to myself, I could have asked: do I have $19.99? Will this purchase rack up credit card debt that I don’t want? If so, maybe I should put it back on the shelf. But that was not the case; it was more like, "I have the money to buy this purse, but I’m choosing not to use it for this purpose.” This powerful re-framing would have turned my mindset of scarcity into one of abundance.

As I’ve started interviewing guests in my Women’s Million Dollar Conversations series, almost all of them have had something to say about limiting beliefs. Here are a few highlights that show how much our limiting beliefs affect our lives and how these women have freed themselves to earn and do more than they ever thought they could.

Our Beliefs Can Hold Us Back

Alyssa Gasca, Owner and Principal of Spark Executive Solutions, shared limiting beliefs that had held her back but, once reframed, have supported her path to success. When she started her consulting business over 15 years ago, she attended “a seminar, where a coach asked us to write down our most limiting belief. It was the first time I wrote and said aloud, “I cannot be a good mother and make over $150,000 a year.” I thought I would never be able to make that much again (after leaving my corporate job) and show up as a good mom.

I had no role models for that. I didn't see it, so I didn’t believe it. As the exercise progressed, I realized I didn't have to believe that anymore. I can believe something different. That was a massive shift for me! Then I started wondering, what would it look like, or be like, to believe that I could make more money than I made in a corporate job and work less and be a great mother?”

Over the years, Alyssa has grown her business and has shown up as the mom she wanted to be, but limiting beliefs have a habit of growing with us. “Looking back now on my life, I don't think I realized how many of my big life decisions were driven by that feeling of not having enough. So many of the choices I made in my life, career choices, financial decisions, vacations to take, whether to purchase something or not, something as little as a shirt I liked, or earrings that made me happy, was driven by a scarcity mindset, ‘‘I don't have enough to do that,” Alyssa said.

“I don't think I realized how significant a role played in my life until about two years ago when I asked myself, What would it feel like if I had enough? How would I walk in my life each day? And what decisions would I make if I knew I had enough money? And, things just started opening up; I felt free from the level of restriction I had mentally placed on myself for years.

I've ended up living into the vision of the role model I was looking for. I think I've done a good job, I feel integrity with my parenting, and I have earned good money doing my work and still love what I'm doing without working as many hours as I was in the corporate world.” Alyssa Gasca has reframed her limiting beliefs not once but twice to build her success and become the role model she once sought.

Another guest, Audra Smith, a financial industry professional focused on helping business owners with employee benefits, grew her career as a woman in a male-dominated profession. Audra said, “(I was held back by) my self-limiting beliefs of feeling not good enough and that I couldn't do it. I also found limiting beliefs about being a female leader among 16 male leaders. I used to think I needed to be one of the guys (to succeed). What I learned was my best self is who I am. So I stopped pretending and got comfortable with being myself, and I now walk into the room with my head held high.” —Audra Smith.

Find Your Limiting Beliefs

Alyssa’s story points out limiting beliefs that many women share: for example, being a mom means you have to sacrifice your income goals. The other limiting beliefs about working hard to earn a living and that being rich is bad are also commonplace for many. Turning these beliefs around didn’t magically give Alyssa all the answers, but it opened up new pathways to explore. Audra Smith’s examples are also relatable for women professionals; embracing our differences helps us realize that they are our superpowers, not weaknesses. But since our limiting beliefs seem like part of our reality, how do you identify what’s true and what’s not?

In most cases, you have to learn to trust your gut. The red flags to look for are your uncomfortable feelings when you think about your finances. What are you resisting, and what decisions are the most difficult to make? What do you tell yourself you “should” do? What are the dreams that seem too far off in the distance to even start? Your limiting beliefs are likely the first thing getting in your way. They may have been handed down by your parents or informed by negative experiences with money. Think about your future dreams, and as soon as you find yourself saying “but..,” that’s the limiting belief you should work on first.

Once you identify what is “holding you back,” ask yourself, “Is this true?” Don’t stop there—ask your trusted circle, friends, significant other, and board of directors who always believe in you—and at times believe more in you than you do yourself. They can help. Once you know the challenge, you can find new opportunities to push through them.

Find a Big Enough “Why”

Your next step is to find a WHY that’s big enough to overcome your limiting beliefs. For me, I was making $8000 in commission in the second year of this career. Then, at the beginning of my 3rd year, another female advisor at my office quit out of exhaustion. She remarked, "this is such a hard journey; we would never make a good income from it.” When my husband overheard that conversation, he was concerned for me, my professional future, and the toll that 70-hour work weeks would have on me. He was afraid that I would end up just like her: disappointed, tired, and eventually feeling defeated.?

I felt it was essential to prove that I was not a financial burden to my husband and that I could support myself. This job was the only opportunity I could find, and it was a big challenge, but my WHY was bigger. I argued and cried, but we finally agreed: if I didn’t make it to the Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT) within a specific timeframe, I would do something with fewer working hours and a more reliable paycheck. I’m proud to report that I reached my milestone in my 5th year!

Find Your Tribe

The best way to open up your perspective and get an accurate picture of your beliefs is to leverage your “You can do it” voices. You need to have a tribe of other people on a similar journey to support your new, positive beliefs. Fortunately, there are a lot of women in similar circumstances. Search for group coaches and organizations like Vistage in your area. The other members are probably “swimming in parallel lanes,” and while the destination may be different, the challenges along the way may be more similar than you would think.

When choosing your board of advisors or your trusted circle, there are many things to consider. Not everyone with your best interests in mind is suitable for the job. Look for the people with the experience, knowledge, and network to support you—who can also benefit from your support. Consider women’s focused networking groups and start connecting on LinkedIn. Find the women who embody whom you want to become and build your connections. A few guests in the Women’s Million Dollar Conversations series are in my tribe, and we have supported each other through thick and thin. I’m so excited to share their stories with you, and I hope they will inspire you to discover what’s truly possible for your financial future.

Find Your Financial Success Role Models

I’ve got plenty more women with relatable stories like Alyssa’s booked in the coming weeks, so stay tuned! Keep up with the Women’s Million Dollar Conversations series on askalicetang.com or subscribe to my YouTube channel to get notified of episode releases. If one of these stories inspires you, do your trusted circle a favor by sharing it with them. We all need accessible and approachable role models, and I hope you can help fellow women professionals find theirs in Women’s Million Dollar Conversations.

If you have a success story to share or would like to nominate a fellow woman leader for the series, connect with me on LinkedIn to start a conversation.

For more insights on how to grow your network and your business, visit?www.askalicetang.com/blog/.

I am Alice Tang, ChFC?, Financial Advisor, Speaker, and Educator. My signature trainings:

• Money Confidence Boosts Overall Confidence
• Your Network is Your Prosperity
• Building a Referral Business with 5% of Your Time
• Nurturing Relationships in a Socially Distanced Worldwide community

Tel: (503) 654-7676 | Fax: (503) 653-7575 | www.bpgnetwork.com | 10151 SE Sunnyside Rd, Suite 460, Clackamas OR 97015. Securities and advisory services offered through Royal Alliance Associates, Inc. (RAA), member FINRA/SIPC. RAA is separately owned and other entities and/ or marketing names, products or services referenced here are independent of RAA.