Unlearning Success for Children

What do you think of when you hear the word SUCCESS?

You know, that big, curvaceous “S” word that stands tall at the peak of the achievement mountain. The word each one of us strives to embody and become to feel valued and loved.?

Who is the first person that embodies this success? What do they look like to you?

Is it a doctor…

A professor…

A lawyer…??

Now, let’s take this thought exercise one step deeper.

What do you think of when you hear the word FAILURE??

Or even someone who embodies it? What do they look like?

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These questions about success are ones that I NEVER asked myself as an adult. Success had become a part of my DNA - coiled amongst the other chemical building blocks. It was a word that was conveyed to me by my surroundings growing up: friends, parents, teachers, neighbors, and even the media.?

This word was deeply personal and had b a life of its own. I thought success embodied the person who is high achieving, hard-working, and constantly striving for better. The person who can do no wrong or fail.

When I became an educator and entered the classroom, I still perpetuated these messages to my students. I told them that there was a specific linear pathway to success. That somehow, they too could reach that big “S” at the top of the mountain - if only they worked hard enough for it.?

The reality was that “success” had become so embedded in my subconscious that I had forgotten what it REALLY meant to me as I got older.

I hadn’t fully seen how it had shifted over time. This realization had come from distinguishing the repercussions of this “linear” success: lack of fulfillment, lack of curiosity, and a desire to escape it all.?

All of us adults have succumbed to this. We don’t do it on purpose. It’s what has been etched into our memory over generations and it, we forget to question it. However, just like expired milk, our thoughts can become soured and make us sick if they sit unexamined for too long.?

This is why the push to unlearn success as an adult is critical for the future of our children in our current educational model.?

Our kids are being shoveled from one classroom to the next, one lesson to the next, trying to make sense behind the “why” of this success model. This “old” paradigm of education still steams forward with the following ubiquitous verbiage:?

• Hustle.
• Grind.
• Strive.
• Achieve.
• Do it Again.?

So how do you begin to pull back the curtains on this word? Here’s a quick activity to get you started. It’s the tip of the iceberg, but our children need us to uncover it more than ever.?

Suggestion: Just read 1) and 2) before moving forward to the reflection piece.?

1) Subconscious Thoughts of Success:?

Write the word “success” on top of a blank piece of paper.?Time yourself for 5 minutes and write down everything that comes up for you when you hear the word success (anything goes).

2) Subconscious Thoughts of Failure:?

Write the word “failure” on the backside of a blank piece of paper.?Time yourself for 5 minutes and write down everything that comes up for you when you hear the word failure.

3) Compare the Lists:

Now go back and compare the two lists. Look at those lists as if you were defining both “failure” and “success” for your child or children. Circle the ones you agree with and underline the ones you disagree with.?

4) Reflect on Your Findings:

What does this activity show you when you think about success for your child? What about failure??

5) Unlearn:

This is the next step - to see how much you disagree or agree with the statements you created.?If you disagree, how would you shift this for your children moving forward?

This is one activity to lead us to a conscious way of messaging success to our children. In some cases, redefining what success could look like for your child.

This one step can lead us to inner success which is the new paradigm of conscious education.

It’s defined as a success that encompasses the entirety of a student’s being.?

The uncovering has just begun.?

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Want more in-depth conversation around success? Check out Komal’s book, Raise Your Hand!, where Chapter 2 goes deep and speaks to this concept.?

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