University of Hard Knocks
Masterminds Institute Training and Development Services Inc.
To help and contribute to positive change through leadership and developmental program.
Failure is such a scary word… Well, that’s what I thought. But not anymore.
What causes us to fail? Have you tried to ask that question to yourself? But before you answer that question, I’d like you to imagine the most iconic, the most famous, the most admired, the most respected and well-loved successful person that you know. Not just in business or career but in other areas and aspects of our lives like ‘Leadership’ and ‘Relationship’. Can you name at least three people?
In our modern-day history, here are some of the people that come to my mind when I think about Success.
Of course, in the Philippine setting the no. 1 in my list will be brother Bo Sanchez, and No. 2 Francis Kong No. 3 is mentor Dhes Ballesteros.
Just take a look at how we evolve:, the survival of our species, the industrial revolution and many other milestones in our history. Try to google all those famous scientists like Albert Einstein, artists like Michael Angelo and the great inventors of our time like Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb and Alexander Graham Bell who invented the Telephone and many others. See for yourself how many times they fail and fail and fail and fail. But they are also the most celebrated Successful people in the world who has ever walked on this planet, we call “Earth.” The same earth you are walking right now. What’s the difference between them and us? Basically nothing. They all experienced massive failures like everybody else. But it was also failures that made them Successful.
I am pretty sure you know most of them if not all, and I am also sure that you have used some of their famous quotations on your social media posts, most likely on Facebook or Twitter and even Instagram. If you are an entrepreneur or a corporate personality, you may have posted it or shared it on LinkedIn. The point that I am trying to make is: Did? these successful people that pop-up in your head and the people I’ve written down were born successful instantly? Were they the top students in their class? Or were they born from ultra-rich families or royalties, were they given inborn talents and skills? Did they have enough training and experience when they started their companies or mission or advocacy? Or, were they just simply perfect and flawless personalities? Just to exaggerate my point, Do these people have magic spells or maybe they have a genie in a bottle that says “your wish is my command.”
The point of the matter is that even SuperHeroes like Superman, Batman, Ironman, Spiderman and many others alike in the science fiction movies have weaknesses. Am I correct? And, with all their superpowers they can be beaten by that one thing. They can be beaten, they can fail. If you analyze the plot of the movie, they will be beaten first by their arch enemies and then they will not give up and will fight again to the death. And as we all know, this time they will win. But not with great sacrifice. Take a look at Thanos in the epic Movie by MARVEL STUDIOS “Infinity War.” It seems like winning is almost impossible. And that’s what really happened in that movie sequel. Thanos was able to get all the five infinity stones. He has collected the five gems and obliterated most of the Avengers and half of the known galaxy including human population in just a single snap of his fingers. The Avengers were brutally beaten in most of the scenes. They all fought the good fight, but they were beaten to death. They lost and failed tragically. Literally, all hope was gone. And who in the world does not know Superman? Bottom line! They’ve all experienced failures even if they are all powerful. But as the story continues in the last and final installment of that record shattering Avengers movie. The Super Heroes will come out and emerge VICTORIOUS! Another classic example is SUPERMAN. But in his case, it’s the Kryptonite and Lex Luthor.??
I can’t help myself to retell that movie, because I know you have watched that too. And there are just so many lessons that we can mine and learn from that movie. Although it’s just a science-fiction. We can all relate to “Thanos.” Thanos is our doubts and fear, our enemy, a very powerful enemy because he is inside our mind most of the time. That’s why very few ever succeed. They were all beaten by fears, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of trying, fear of failure. And ironically there’s also fear of Success. You may be asking, why would anyone fear success?. And the reason is because of the fear of responsibility and fear of getting out of your comfort zone. I know what you’re thinking, it’s unbelievable but it’s true. There are just people who don’t want responsibilities. So, they don’t want to try at all. And I believe in my heart that it is not you. Because you are reading this article. The truth is, you have declared to the universe and claimed that you will become successful that’s why this article landed on you.?That's for certain.
In the book Entrepreneur Roller Coaster by Darren Hardy, there’s a quote there by Ralph Waldo Emerson that says. “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
Now, before we go and talk about success, Let's talk about our Kryptonite. Mine is laziness. As in, I am “Superlazyman.” If you’ll ask my beautiful wife, Mao, my corner person, What animal she would use to describe me or compare me with. She will tell you immediately and enthusiastically that I am like a snake. Yeah, of all the animals there are in the animal kingdom, why the snake? Here’s why. I leave my clothes on the floor like a snake shedding its skin. She’ll find my socks and clothes on the floor. That has been our case for many many years of our married life. I said many years because we’ve been married for Twenty-five years. ?Twenty-five years of that kind of laziness, who wouldn’t be irritated? My wife had endured that for half of our married life. It caused her great stress and irritation. We had arguments about it. So tip number 1: Do not marry a snake-like person. (lol ??)?
The main point of this Article is that "You" have the power to turn your “Desperation into Inspiration.” To turn your “Fear to Faith.”?
In the coming chapters, I will share to you 7 Steps of turning your “Failures to Success.” This is exciting and I am super ENTHUSIASTIC about this because No. 1: you don’t need to become a Superhero nor you need help from a Superhero. No. 2: you don’t need a ‘Genie’ in a bottle or some magical creature like a ‘Fairy Godmother’ to grant your wish No. 3: This is actually so simple, realistic and anybody can do this. So, what’s the catch Mr. All-knowing-author Ariel M. Tolentino? According to my virtual mentor, the great Jim Rohn, “do not be fooled by the simplicity of things.'' Simple but not easy. As a matter of fact, the easiest things to do are also the things we don’t easily do. The truth is, knowledge has nothing to do with Success. “It’s not what you know, it’s what you do with what you know.” Said Darren Hardy.?
This is coming from the man who has? interviewed and featured most of the contemporary Successful people that we idolize in his Success Magazine when he was still the publisher. If you don’t do the things that you know to do to become successful, it will be impossible for you to achieve any goals.. Goal setting will not work unless you do. It’s one thing to set your goal, it’s another thing to execute your action plan to reach your goal. I mean doing it in actuality, taking action day-in day out. Because “RESULTS”, good or bad, is just a natural consequence of doing things over and over again for a long period of time.????
Back in my? elementary school days… or should I say, looking back in my childhood and elementary days. I could see now the patterns why I became who I was, because failure seems to be in everything that I did. Becoming addicted to drugs at a tender age of 16 is a massive failure for me. I know you will agree with me. Nobody will tell you that they dream of becoming an addict or a drug pusher. Every child has these big hairy and audacious goals (BHAG) or dreams. Try to ask a child this question. What do you want to become when you grow up? I bet you have been asked the same question when you were a small innocent child, haven’t you??
I remember that there was a famous noon-time running variety TV show in the Philippines called Eat Bulaga.? There was a segment in the show where they asked children what they wanted to be when they grow up.? The kids would answer a doctor, lawyer, astronaut, president and so on.? I’m sure we all had these types of dreams when we were younger.? Everyone had big dreams and to become successful.? As we grow older, we realize how difficult the world can be to navigate and we adapt to our situations.? We change our dreams.? We compromise.? We drift ever so slightly, we hardly even notice that we aren’t on the right path anymore. Slowly, as we grow up, our childhood dreams are gone. That is to those who quits dreaming. Of course there were many who also succeed.
Again, in reality, it was not a sudden loss, right? Your dream did just not suddenly disappear. In my case, it was because of my seemingly insignificant moment to moment poor choices in life, starting in my childhood days, that snowballs into a massive avalanche with momentum that is impossible to stop. I guess that would be the best dramatization of all my failures. I drifted; I went with the flow. I got complacent. Eventually I forgot my dream. I got stuck in the rat-race. Day by day I am living to work, and working to live and live life to the fullest.?
We are all born naked into this world, as in clean slate. No one will tell you that “I want to fail in my life.” “I don’t have dreams.” Every precious child has a dream. I believe that dreaming and wanting to become successful in life is embedded in our human nature as written in our DNA.
I never dream of becoming an addict! No one dreams of failing. I mean common guys, nobody likes to be a criminal, right? Everybody wants to be happy, to become successful, to have a good career, to be a good mother, father, to be a better person, to be somebody, to become Significant, to become something greater than yourself. To fulfill his or her mission and purpose in life. But when I became an addict. It ruined not only my dream of becoming a pilot but it broke the heart of my loving mother “Flora.” Looking back now, that is why I wanted to write this book. Breaking the heart of my mother is an understatement. I cannot describe how painful it was for her. She was hurting not just because I ruined her dreams for me. She was hurting because of what happened to her son. She may be asking herself. “What have I done wrong?” “Why did it happen to my son?” He was just 16 years old. That’s why failure is so scary. There are many unimaginable bad things that can happen when we fail.?
Now you see, I do really know what I am talking about when it comes to failure. And I failed a lot! As in many times, and in many areas of my life. And if you are someone who is fed up, tired, frustrated, disappointed, disgusted, stressed, hopeless and helpless because you are also failing here and there. and you can’t seem to do anything right. I am telling you this book if for you. You are in for a real treat of your life!?
This book will be like a guide for you. You should rejoice and be glad. You know why? I’ll tell you why. Ooops it’s not according to me. But according to the famous bible passage in the book of Isaiah 61:1 that says “The Spirit of the Lord?God?is upon me,
because the?Lord?has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and?the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the?Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn;”
You see, those were the emotions that I went through and going through every time I experienced failure. I feel like the world is upon my shoulders. It kinda reminds me of the Greek Mythology Titan character named “Atlas” I’m sure most of us knew his story, He is the one carrying our planet as a punishment. I believe somehow, we all go through this kind of situation when we fail to accomplish and achieve our goals and dreams. When we fail, we feel bad about our situation, we are saddened, we feel lonely, our spirit becomes poor, you feel less energized. There are some who cry, you blame yourself or other people or circumstances outside of your control. You felt broken, incomplete, unworthy, no meaning at all. In the worst cases, we are traumatized by the magnitude of our failures. We imprisoned ourselves. We do not want to see and to talk to anybody, we shut our doors to our friends and family. We create barriers, we close our ears and we just don’t want to hear and listen to anyone. We go into deep depression and anxiety. We feel so stressed out. We hurt ourselves and in most tragic cases there are some who could no longer endure the pain and agony of failure that they took their own lives. Psychologist calls this “self-sabotage.”
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Now, before you close this chapter, let me ask you again this $1,000,000 question. What causes us to fail?
Obviously. There are many answers to this question. Depending on everyone one’s mindset, philosophy, upbringing, the generation they belong whether you’re from a boomer, Gen X, of Gen Z generations. And oh, let’s not forget that there all also people who suffer from “excuse-itist” or those who justify their failures by making excuses. I do believe that there are valid excuse that people may have.? Something might’ve happen that couldn’t be prevented or dealt with at the time. And coming from someone like me, who has failed big time. I want to reassure you that you’re in a safe space here. I am not here to judge you, condemn you, or look down on you, insult you, or laugh at you. Why? I am not in a position to do that. Heck, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, a guru, a master, a teacher and I am not God to judge you. I hope I have made myself clear on this issue.
It took me decades to rise up from my failures and make something out of myself.? It took a lot of people to help me. It will take time and someone to help you be it a friend, a family member, a professional or a stranger.??
I am just saying that failure is inevitable. Failure is part of life. I just enumerated to you the most successful people in our world today. And if you will just read between the lines. They become the most successful people because they fail BIG TIME too. And if you do your own research. You will find out for yourself that in fact, they have all experienced failures, rejection, embarrassment and even discrimination. As my mentor Darren Hardy said. “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do after what happened to you.” It hit me really hard when I heard him say that because events always happen to each one of us. Joyful events and tragic events. It will really boil down to what actions are we going to take after the event.?
The difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones is. Successful people pick up the lesson they learn from their failures. They evaluate what went wrong and try again and again and again. Until they improved. They moved on. They saw failures as a stepping stone to success. They did not stop and quit after they failed. They persevered, they continued. As the great Thomas Edison said “I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” If you haven’t failed 10,000 times. You are not failing enough.?
Not everybody knows that at the age of 63, Thoma Edison’s laboratory caught fire and was burned to the ground. All of his research and lifetime of works was turned into ash. Guys, remember that there’s no computer yet at that time. There’s no way for him to save his files. But just to give a boost of confidence. This is what he famously said. “All my mistakes and failures are burned up. Now I can start anew."
So, in this context, I therefore conclude that there are no failures in life, there are just quitters. If you don’t want to fail then don’t quit on your Dreams. Do not abandon your Dreams.
Successful people turn their failures into inspiration and they turn their inspiration to perspiration. Meaning they took massive consistent action towards improving themselves. And by the way I define the word “FAIL” as First Attempt In Learning. I don’t know who said that originally but I find it fit for this Chapter so I will borrow it and use it here.
Just take a look at what happened in the recent pandemic that we all experienced. We are all in the same ocean but we are not in the boat. Why did I say that, because we all lived and survived in the pandemic but we reacted and responded very differently.
I have three powerful phrases for you to remind you that when the going gets tough, say this to yourself.
I am always Positive ??
I am focus on finding Solutions? ??
I am consistently Persistent ??