United Sent Me an Apology - This is My Response

Yesterday Oscar Munoz issued a public apology about United’s recent debacle involving the removal a passenger to accommodate crew. He also sent me, as a United frequent flier, an apology. He did a good job and his tone was aspirational. This is my response.

Mr. Munoz,

I am a multi year 1K flier, and million miler, so I have lots of experience with United. I also know that because of this I am treated much better than your average passenger, and still my experience with United is, well, lacking. My travels also expose me to your competitors, so I have a perspective on United as well as the state of airline customer service. In support of your efforts to improve, I hope to offer you the benefit of this perspective, free of charge.

You have a huge challenge on your hands to change your company's culture, but this is also an opportunity. My experience is, discount carriers like Ryanair aside, the best American carrier has worse service than the worst foreign carrier, including 3rd world airlines, and you are not the best American carrier. I can travel a foreign carrier as a complete Nobody and get better seat choices, more flexibility at the check in counter, better food and drink, better entertainment, and much friendlier service than I can as a 1K flier on United (coach). God help the Nobodies.

I really hope that the aspirational tone of your letter carries through into actual changes in the airline. As you go through the actual work of change, I encourage you not to benchmark against your American competition. You all suck. I am sure that the incident that caused this brouhaha could have happened to any of your competitors. Focus on your foreign competition. Some ideas for focus are below.

1. The flight crew are not the Sheriff

I am sure this is the one that got you in trouble. Somehow with 9/11 and all of the scares after that, flight crew attitudes slowly slipped from "How can I help you?" to "Just be calm and cooperate and nobody gets hurt". I have learned that smiling and subservient is the way to talk to a flight attendant in coach. I understand that flight safety is paramount and you can’t let unruly passenger behavior get out of hand, but it has gone too far.

When overhead bins are full, I routinely see flight attendants pick out small items that could be put under the seat and throw them on the floor, expecting customers pick them up and store them. OK, so the customers should put their stuff under the seat in consideration of other passengers, but do that have to be jerks about it? It is hard be entitled and at someone’s service at the same time.

Even in your much-hyped Polaris class, we had a spike in improved service but it is going away quickly. My first time in Polaris Business, I was offered an explanation of the wine choices and offered a tasting flight to compare. The last time I asked the attendant about wine choices he picked up my menu and gave it to me read. 

2. Personal device entertainment sucks. Really. Truly.

This should be called, "The Customer Pays for is Own (crappy) Entertainment". I get that this saves you a boatload of money; No IT upgrades, no weight to lift and buy fuel for, but it sucks for the customer. The Wifi on the plane is not reliable enough, by a lot, and it gets bogged down when lots of folks use it. Supremely frustrating is that fact that not everyone even gets a power outlet. Overwhelmingly maddening is the fact that 747's on long haul flights have the power outlet strategically located between the legs of the total stranger in the next seat. Insulting is the shitty video selections available. Tell me, what am I supposed to do with my "personal device" while I eat my crappy food on my long haul flight? I know that it is buffering from your shitty Wifi while playing an ancient movie anyway. Maybe you think I should turn off the device at that point to save power because there is no way to charge it without molesting my fellow passenger.

American, Delta and all of your foreign competitors have 1 plug per seat, most of them in a place that you can actually see, vs. between the legs of your fellow passenger. In the equivalent of Economy Plus, every one else has a screen and lots of new movies, most within a month or so of their theatrical release. Yes even foreign carriers have better American movies than United does. I have been in biz class; The movies are physically on the plane. Why can’t we watch them? Are you punishing us?

3. Does the food really have to be that bad?

I get that conditions for preparing food are not ideal, but your competitors suck significantly less. Do you really have to melt the rice into the little plastic dish that is specifically designed to make your tray be unbalanced and rock back and forth? You competitors at least manage to bring their food out properly cooked. It is a medical fact that humans will need at least a liter of water in a 12 hour flight, preferably more. Do you have to dole out liquids so sparingly? Your competitors are giving out mini bottles of wine and 500 ml bottles of water after the main service. This leads me to the following issue.

4. Somebody has to clean the lavatories

200+ people are sharing 4 bathrooms for 12 hours. Do the math. Those lavs are going to get pretty foul in the best of circumstances and with the menu from item 3, these are not the best of circumstances. By the end of the flight I feel like I am in a porta potty in Mumbai. It's disgusting, really. Again, your competitors have found a way to deal with this.

I urge you to shoot for becoming a great airline with memorable service. I will pay more for it, as long as you don't gouge me like you do for a biz class seat. Don't bother with just sucking less than American or Delta. That is what they are doing with you and it really wont help. Change the culture. Invest in your equipment and employees. Focus on customer experience in a real way. Be the best and show everyone else how it is done.

Come on! I know you can do it.