United for Inclusion

About this time last year (Sept ’20), I decided to join a ladies cricket team. I got to my first training session uncharacteristically early and stood a way off to watch the others arrive. I will always remember the nerves – I felt 12 again worrying about whether I would fit in, whether I would be accepted, whether I would belong! Gone was all the sage advice I mete out to my son when I drag him from one new experience to another, from club to club saying things like it’s good to meet new people, gain common interests, everyone feels the same etc.?I remember calling a friend and trying to distract myself from the intense anxiety I felt as a newbie.

Inclusion

It has become commonplace over the last few years to talk about Diversity and Inclusion but often the focus is on the first part of that 3 word phrase and not the latter part and yet we know that the two go hand in hand – diversity without Inclusion is pointless.

Vernā Meyers – ‘Diversity is being invited to the party. Inclusion is being asked to dance’

Being inclusive means being empathetic and listening to all voices including those on the fringes. We all want to be seen and our unique contributions recognised by others. Our teams and communities will only thrive if we really see others and feel seen by others.

There is a sense though in which inclusion doesn’t feel complete. Could it be that inclusion is just the first step and that what we all aspire to is Belonging?

From Inclusion to Belonging

The organisations we work for and the communities we are a part of are a mash up of people who come together to fulfil a shared purpose. At a visceral level we know that what we want is not just to be included but to belong - to be a part of the gang. Even when we are part of the same team it is possible for cliques and subcultures to develop. In all situations, we gravitate towards those with whom we feel we have shared values, shared life approaches and there is nothing wrong with this. This is how we form friendships. We cling together because we see in the other person something that is familiar or something that we admire. It feels comfortable but it’s also an easy shortcut to community building, its efficient.

However, we should be cognisant of the fact that this fundamental human preference for the familiar over the different, the known over the unknown, the comfortable over the challenging – can have an insidious tendency to exclude. I distinctly remember a colleague several years ago, who worked in the same team asking my friend and colleague whether she could join ‘our gang’. At the time we laughed – of course we are not a gang and we are not in a playground where one asks to join a friendship gang!! Recalling that situation I now feel sympathy that someone felt on the outside and wanted to be ‘let in’ to be not just included but to belong.

Inclusion is an action – Belonging is an outcome

And yet there is another side to belonging. If belonging was a food, it would be a mixture of sweet and sour. The sweet taste of being accepted, supported, respected; but is there also a not so positive aspect to it?

The instinct in our communities is to try to conform to the cultural norms and practices. In the attempt to belong one can become masterfully adaptable like a chameleon who changes to blend into its habitat. Inherent within this is a danger that in trying to belong we hide our real selves for fear of ostracization or disapproval. ?In doing so are we in danger of losing authenticity? Covering over our differences to fit into the mainstream?

As allies we need to create spaces where people have little reason to cover the many wonderful ways in which they are different. It may feel safer to belong to tribes and groupings surrounded by ‘sameness’ but don’t we recognise the beauty and the richness that comes from cosmopolitanism? Do our organisations factor into their decisions the proven business case for creating a culture that encourages openness about difference – whatever form the difference takes?

Back to the theme for National Inclusion week, instead of looking for belonging let us make ourselves belong to those who need us - the underrepresented, the least valued, those whose differences are not necessarily visible, those without a voice and draw them in. This is the essence of allyship - advocating for and supporting others. Bringing them in. Let us tap into the need to belong — and encourage not just inclusion but belonging and by doing so, we will stay on track and adjust our processes, attitudes, and actions to promote true Inclusion.?