Unintended Signals

Have you ever found yourself receiving an email from a boss that immediately angered you? Have you ever sent an email that caused a series of events that were not your intent? Have you had conversations that you could not understand how what you were saying was not being heard? The words you say are important, but more so is exactly how you say it. You send hidden messages, whether you want to or not, based on subtle signals.

High Context Beings

Humans are high context being. We interpret meaning from shapes, sounds, colors, posture, atmosphere, relationship, history and a nearly infinite number of other contextual cues. It is this amazing ability of our minds to connect on such a wide number of variables that gives us the creative capacity to invent, create and explore. In fact researches are now starting to understand how the very definition of words and structure of your first language shape your brain and how you think.

When a child learns to speak, they point to a new thing and ask "What's that?" A parent or other authority in their life says "chair". In that moment, the child's brain connects a myriad neurons to the word "chair". Neurons related to the time of day, colors, smells, shapes, sounds, relationships to other items in the room are also fired: hundreds, thousands maybe even millions of connections. The next time they see an item that is also a chair but maybe this one is round instead of rectilinear, or pink instead of green, they ask again and receive new connections, again and again. What happens over many iterations is strong connections are reinforced and weak ones are diminished. Like a path through the woods, the well-used one is obvious but the seldom traveled one becomes invisible.

Your voice is that well traveled path, a large array of contrasting elements that are the way you present yourself. Formal versus casual; precise or loose; hurried or measured? On and on. When it comes to communication there is another axis to the equation, tone.

How modulation away from the mean creates dissonance in communication.

Do you see what I did there? Up until this point I have maintained a casual, approachable and friendly style. 'How modulation away from the mean creates dissonance in communication' is far more formal and academic in tone. In contrast to the tone carried up until this point it is jarring and unfriendly. This is an enormously powerful concept that is carried throughout all the various art forms humans endeavour. Visual artists are well versed in the power of contrast, in light and shadow, color, and texture. Musicians arrange music in combinations of chords to set mood and changes of pace to physiologically affect the heart beat of listeners. It is in these contrasts that we set the mood or tone of our communication. The changes you make can have profound impact on the recipient and their understanding of the message.

Impact of Tone

Let's say your most frequent channel of communication to you employees is via Slack. You post there several dozen times a day, directed or generally. You take a very loose, casual tone, because it is an informal platform. Occasionally you post messages in a lolzcat voice, something like:

Can haz yur code! Lookin 4 bugz.

But the next day you send an email to the same recipient that says:

Today I am going through your code, looking for bugs. -Regards, Your Boss

I can guarantee the impact of that second message is not the same as the first. The shift to a more formal mode and tone will put the recipient in a completely different frame of mind. This second message says: 'You screwed up, I noticed, and I'm looking into it'. Not because the words you used, but because of the changes of path from your well traveled one.

This is a tool to be used wisely. It could very well be that you need to shock someone with a message. Sometimes resets are needed. But be wary, constant variability is a pattern itself. overuse of anything starts to eliminate its impact. I'm reminded of a beginning design student that read somewhere that the color red always draws attention. So all of their designs were full of red. Contrast draws attention. Use it wisely and it can be a powerful tool.