Unicorn Nuggets: Chapter 6

If you're new here you may not know it but I'm queer (surprise?!). Consider this my 138102nd coming out event. That being said, being queer is an inherent piece of my identity and something that I don't stop being at work. Being queer is normal, being queer is beautiful, and not something for others to have an opinion on.

This may come as a surprise, but I have also been queer my whole life- yes, I said my whole life. That is why when Texas, Florida and Idaho all rolled out bills targeting LGBTQIA youth, my heart shattered.

Photo shot by: Lex Drop

This week I posted about the "Don't Say Gay" Bill In Florida. in which i said-

"Florida passed the "don't say gay" bill. Well I'm here to say it:

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

HELLA GAY

QUEER AF.

In the last two weeks 3 states have passed anti-lgtbqtia bills.

*deep breath*

Queer people exist, whether you like it or not. Queer people exist whether your political party believes it or not. Queer people exist whether your 'god' approves of us or not. Heteronormativity ruins the party again. Erasing queerness from vocabularies does not erase queer people, it only erases their ability to see themselves represented in the world. Erasing medical care for trans kids doesn't erase trans kids, it erases their access to safe health care.

Erasing healthcare for trans kids is violence. Erasing healthcare for trans kids will kill them. Erasing language that helps kids understand who they are, who their families are protects the feelings of adults, while disregarding the needs of children. When you erase queer language, you erase entire families.

I often talk about dismantling heteronormative standards, and am open about my partners, as well as the fact I am queer. I always receive at least 12 comments demanding I stop "shoving who I have sex with down their throats". Queer people existing has nothing to do with sex.

Being queer is not inherently sexual. Teaching kids that queer people exist is not teaching them about sex. Kids learn from birth that heteronormativity is the standard. Kids deserve representation that models all of society, not just the parts that have been determined to be "normal".

Kids deserve to know that they are valid, no matter who they are.

When straight people talk about their wives/children, we applaud but when queer folks mention their partner, we're suddenly talking about sex. When I talk about my partner, I am doing just that, talking about my partner. Queer partnerships/ families are no different than straight families. Our partnerships are still rooted in love, friendship, and life.

Inclusion means shattering the status quo that has us convinced us that there is one way to exist.

There is no right way. There is the way that makes people feel whole. There is the way that makes people feel alive. So let's do that. Let's allow people to love and live in their light, instead of hiding parts of them in the darkness. Life is short, hold on to what makes you whole.

Bonus tip: If you automatically think of sex at the mere mention of queerness or queer relationships- that sounds like a you problem, maybe get a journal and unpack that.

As expected this post brought many comments yelling, screaming and complaining about queer people existing. People who threw Bible verses, people who threatened violence and people who just brought their hate filled nonsense to my page. It is often disheartening to see this behavior because I know I am not the only one seeing it. Their queer followers are seeing it, their queer coworkers are seeing it, and although they're intending to cause me harm- they cause harm to so many.

These are just a few of the comments received, sent by people who in full view of their peers, networks and companies felt comfortable causing harm. There is no place for hate in inclusion. When we talk about psychological safety, we don't just mean the niceties exchanged in the break room (or slack). If your people are "nice" to LGBTQIA at work but go home to harass them online, they are still causing harm. If they are comfortable harassing strangers online, they will be comfortable causing someone trauma in a meeting room.

Gender is a social construct, it's time to unpack that. Heteronormativity is something that has been thrust upon society, not the base line for normal. I understand unlearning everything you know about "normal" is hard- but I'm here to help you through it.

Children deserve to be surrounded by acceptance, love and affirmations. According to the CDC, 2% of your (ages 0-17) identify as trans, yet studies show only 27% of trans youth feel that they have a supporting family. Having a supporting family decreases suicidal thoughts by 52% and suicide attempts by 46%.

According to the Trevor Project, 31% of trans youth have experienced violence at school in the last year and only 27% feel safe to go to school.

We are not trying to turn kids "gay", we are trying to make sure queer children get to grow up.

People's identities, people's families and people's relationships are not up for debate. In a world where you can be anything, please choose to be kind, choose to be understanding and choose to stop and think about your own thoughts. Self awareness is key. It is not other people's job to make you comfortable, it is your job to unpack why you feel uncomfortable. It is your job to have hard conversations with yourself and your biases in the mirror. Our biases don't go away, but we can be self aware of them. We must be willing to be self aware enough to not give them power.

• Call yourself out on your BS
• Use people's pronouns
• Degender your language (i'll come back to this)
• Respect people's lives, families and relationships
• Protect Trans Kids
• You *will* mess up, that's part of this. Don't let your ego keep you there.
• If you don't understand something, research it- **do not demand unpaid labor from your favorite queer friend**

During your journey to being inclusive, you will learn that you have caused harm and it WILL suck. There is no escaping the shame, guilt and overwhelming feelings that come with that realization- that is okay. Sit with those feelings, feel them, honor them and understand them.

This work will require being uncomfortable. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not doing the work.

If you are looking in learning more for yourself or for your company, there are resources out there!

Looking for ways to remove gender from your greetings? Here is my favorite graphic:

Looking to hire a practitioner? I'm an email away! If I'm not the right practitioner for you, I highly recommend Katrina Kibben (they/them) or Bryce J. Celotto, M.A.T (he/him), they are both wonderful and smarter than me.

Looking for some books? Here are some I recommend:

• Real Queer America: LGBT Stories from Red States- Samantha Allen
• Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between -Meg-John Barker,?Alex Iantaffi
• A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns -?Archie Bongiovanni?and?Tristan Jimerson

Support the Trevor Project here or head over to Sniffs of Adventure to purchase a candle with my face on it (proceeds going to the Trevor Project!) just click the below image!

The third quarter is coming to an end have you taken any PTO?

Thank you for all of the support on Linkedin. After two years of making content, I have hit 100k followers!

Want to continue to support my work? Join me on Patreon! Get access to live events, book club, coaching and more.

The Cosmopolitan article is finally live on the web! Check it out here. My whole face is in cosmo, and it is surreal AF.

I also got to celebrate my 1 year anniversary at GRAV! Cheers to a year of healing, laugher and growth. I am so proud of joining this team and being along for this ride. (Shoutout to Brandon Miranda for being the best leader I've ever had the pleasure of working with). Grateful x10000.

Check out my latest tik tok about Black Girl Luxury:

Black women deserve luxury, rest, peace and softness. We should not always have to be resilient. We deserve to be cared for in the same way that we have cared for the world.

Patreon

Twitter

Instagram