Unhiding and Belonging: Building Genuine Workplace Connections

While many individuals with ADHD thrive in the workplace when they are lucky enough to find an environment where diversity and inclusion are the norms, the majority of us feel the need to mask certain aspects of our neurodivergent selves, believing we are safer when parts of us stay hidden.??

I recently had a conversation with Ruth Rathblott, speaker, author and DEI consultant , who shared profound insights into the shifting dynamics of leadership styles in the modern workplace. Older, established leadership models emphasize traditional approaches, whereas the younger workforce is increasingly advocating for transparency and genuine connections. This shift has been significantly propelled by the COVID-19 pandemic, catalyzing an urgent need for authenticity in both personal and professional spheres.

One of the central themes Ruth and I discussed is the concept of "strategic hiding," where individuals navigate the intricate balance of sharing personal details in the workplace. In environments that lack full psychological safety, revealing too much can be perilous. This thoughtful revelation struck a chord with me, particularly as we discussed the unconscious biases that pervade workplaces. I recounted my own experiences in social administration, realizing that the peril of unconscious biases underscores the necessity for profound self-awareness in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) efforts. It's a journey of understanding oneself to truly understand others—a crucial leadership quality that remains underdeveloped in many respects.

Ruth's perspective on leadership and vulnerability further deepens our understanding of modern workplace culture. The reluctance of leaders to show vulnerability often stems from a fear of overexposure and a general lack of trust. Yet, vulnerability can foster profound connections, revealing the humanity within leadership that is essential for a truly cohesive work environment. Ruth shared a compelling story about a leader’s reticence to reveal personal aspects to their team due to a lack of trust, igniting a rich dialogue on how this very trust is foundational to a connected and productive workplace.

The conversation naturally steered into Ruth's "Framework of Hiding," categorizing individuals based on their comfort with sharing personal aspects. This framework ranges from those who are acutely aware of their tendency to hide due to fear of rejection, to those who are curious about their own behaviors, and finally to those who appear open but still curate their shared narratives. This categorization offers a valuable lens through which we can observe and improve workplace dynamics.

Reflecting on my own experience with ADHD, I resonated deeply with Ruth's ideas of "unhiding." My diagnosis was many years in the making, and the journey towards self-acceptance has been incredibly liberating.. Embracing my neurodivergence opened channels of meaningful conversations where others felt seen and understood. For so many, hearing stories of authenticity and self-acceptance are paramount in navigating the unique challenges we face.

Ruth further emphasizes that creating a workspace where individuals can bring not just their authentic selves, but their best selves, is crucial. She shares anecdotes from her second book that illustrate the repercussions of hiding one’s differences, whether a physical trait like a stutter or an accent, on one’s professional trajectory. The lack of psychological safety in workplaces stifles creativity and innovation, and a cultural shift towards openness and vulnerability is imperative.

A particularly eye-opening moment in our conversation came when Ruth cited a Deloitte study showing that the percentage of individuals hiding aspects of themselves at work has barely decreased over the past decade—from 61% in 2013 to 60% in 2023. This statistic underscores the entrenched nature of this issue and the necessity for systemic change. Ruth suggests that Employee Resource Groups can be instrumental in reducing hiding and fostering safe spaces, yet the backlash against DEI initiatives poses a significant challenge. Many of us are waiting to see how the incoming presidential administration will affect DEI initiatives and whether we will see progress or regression.?

Ruth and I both have masters degrees in social work, which has been invaluable in shaping our perspectives on human potential, change, and the value of a strengths-based approach, with an understanding of the complex systems at play. As Ruth contemplates a third book, possibly focusing on children’s understanding of differences, we are reminded of the ongoing journey towards greater self-awareness and collective understanding.

Ruth's wisdom and our mutual lived experiences underscore an ongoing journey of “unhiding” to foster inclusion, innovation, and genuine human connections. It’s about creating a workspace that champions authenticity, encourages learning, and promotes a culture of acceptance and understanding. This conversation isn't just an edition of this newsletter—it's a call to action for all of us to embrace our authentic selves and inspire others to do the same.

If you’d like to listen to the full interview on the ADHD-ish podcast, click here. DM me and let me know your thoughts.