Ungrateful With Good Reason

Humans habituate fast. Now, if the stimulus is intense or novel, it can take a little longer. On average, humans can become familiar with new stimulation within a few interactions. The alarm ringtone you selected because it was so obnoxious you would immediately jump up to silence it, no longer stirs you out of bed. That PowerPoint you painstakingly pulled together and reviewed beforehand, you discover in the midst of your presentation that it is rife with misspellings and wonky formatting. A job you can do in your sleep that used to be fun and challenging, is now rote and mind numbing. Yet you continue to work at it because you’re, “Sooo grateful.”

Oh, how ungrateful I sound, and with good reason. Negativity bias ensures that we remain alert to possible threats, and this includes threats to our cognitive and spiritual growth. And like a sugar induced stupor, gratuitous gratitude can be contrary to improving well-being.

“Living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to grace” Arianna Huffington

Because living in a state of gratitude may indeed be the gateway to grace, but you must take action to move forward through the gate to enjoy the grace you seek. To begin, accept the challenge of taking a personal inventory. Sort out what is, and is no longer, aligned with you. Because to simply stop at, “I’m grateful for X” is to allow yourself the grand illusion that by simply recognizing the lesson - you don’t have to challenge yourself by applying the learning. The uncomfortable truth about gratitude is the accompanying shadow of dissatisfaction. And in this shadow is where, I believe, growth takes root.

So where might you look behind the light of gratitude into the shadows of dissatisfaction, and how might you propagate the lessons growing there?

Cambridge Dictionary defines habituation simply as, “the process of people or animals becoming used to something, so that they no longer find it unpleasant or think it is a threat.” Habituation frees our senses from remaining consumed in a newly captivating person, place, thing, situation or setting. This freedom lets us remain aware of any new developments that might threaten our safety, or if we’re diligent, it can reignite our delight.

Let’s revisit the example I gave earlier: A job which today you can do in your sleep \used to be fun and challenging. Now let’s imagine that this job is also well paid, that the workplace is healthy, and that you enjoy your coworkers. For this you are grateful. And, you cannot deny that your mind has turned to mush as a result of mastering this job. Might you look behind the gratitude to seek growth opportunities within the shadow of dissatisfaction? Can you challenge yourself to do the job better by reimagining how the job is done, integrating it with other functions, or creating efficiencies so that you have more time to try new initiatives or take on new responsibilities? When the cold of dissatisfaction nips, the answer is not always move on, sometimes it’s dig deeper.

Enjoy your current work by being grateful for the positives & negatives.

And, don’t let gratitude keep you trapped.

Because complacency is not gratitude.

Gratitude is appreciating both the positive and negative effects of our current state in service of affecting change.

Very often the events from which we glean gratitude play on repeat in our minds like the hook in our favorite song. It’s generous to share the lesson. It’s fine to not forget where you came from. Feel free to use all the platitudes you please. But consider that what got you here won't get you there. So, why not write a new gratitude hook: Give. Learn. Grow. Now go!

While I have been grateful for my functioning website, I was always a tad dissatisfied with the look. So, I dug into the shadow and saw that the former intense and heavy me had evolved into the now intense and happy me. The site functions mostly the same, but smoother and the look is familiar but a helluva lot more fun. Visit the refreshed site HERE and while you’re at it, click “Connect ” to send me a note about what you think.

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