Unfu??kwithable?

Do you want to be your own boss? ??

This is how you do it:

Be the boss of your own mind! ??

If you are not taking control of your own mind then you will never be free, and always be at mercy of external influences from the past, present, and future. ??

Why your mind??

Because as much as you want to believe otherwise…

You can only be in control of your own mind, everything else is just influence. ??

I love being in control! Even if it is illusion, I still love it. ??

Let’s face it, we all love to be in control, what differs is what we control, how and how much we express this desire. ??

It’s a need that gets fulfilled. ??

If we don’t express it in a healthy way, then it expresses an unhealthy manner.??

If we don’t find something to control, then we try to control our need to control! Which is controlling!??

If we fight the need to control, then the fight itself is an expression of control! So you end up doing, even more, controlling by trying not to control! ??

Do you see the irony???

Some try to dominate family, parents, children, friends, colleagues, bosses, neighbors, random strangers, and pets. That’s external control. ??

And in every single case sustained external control is unsustainable, brings pain eventually, and ruins relationships. And all life is relationships! So you end up ruining your own life! ??

Why do we ruin our life??

Because all external control is (when it is overused) is failed attempt to control yourself. ??

But admitting that you can't control yourself is painful. ??

So you hide away behind others. You blame others and then try to make them comply. You try to control them, to prove to yourself that you are capable of controlling. ??

What stays behind the scenes unsaid is that you seek to prove that you are capable of controlling yourself (not them). ??

Can you see how it makes you stuck? You can NEVER prove to yourself that you can control yourself by controlling others! ??

And as long as you don't face that fear, it rules over you, and plays you like a puppet. Makes you do stuff you will regret afterward. OR makes you not do things you really want to do.??

You are no longer in control, fear controls you. ??

Why do we fall into this trap??

Because we rationalize: that sometimes control is necessary. And that is true in general, but never when fear rules the game. ??

When is control necessary?

Imagine an infant. You need to guide him and teach him with a bit of control. ??

At the same time, you need to let him go and let him explore. ??

Neither too much control nor too much freedom will work to develop a healthy person. ??

Controlling and letting go is like breathing.?

Control is like inhaling. Letting go is like exhaling. ??

We can’t only inhale, inhale and inhale. Try it! At some point, your lungs are full and can't take any more air in. You might try to hold your breath for a while. However, eventually, you have to let the breath out… or die. ???

We also can’t just exhale, exhale… It also does not work! ??

After exhaling always must come to inhale. ???

In order to keep living there must be a balance between.??

In order to let go more, we must control and vice versa. ??

How do you become your own boss?

By always seeking an internal cause for the external need to control. ??

By taking own personal responsibility. ??

Through mindfulness and awareness.??

A couple of days ago I was listening podcast from Jim Kwik with Dandapani, where he expressed the importance of developing the skill of concentration (control of attention!). ??

According to Dandapani, first comes the concentration, then the presence. Mindfulness is just side-effect of the practice. ??

He defined concentration as the ability to hold attention to the desired object for an extended period of time through an act of willpower.??

Mindfulness is a product of controlling attention. ??

Link to the podcast here:

https://www.jimkwik.com/podcast/kwik-brain-149-how-to-concentrate-with-dandapani

https://youtu.be/n_In0gz56V4

How about spirituality, yoga, mindfulness, and meditation? Isn’t controlling against the principles of letting go?

Control is essential in letting go! ??

Once you admit to yourself that you love control and that it has its benefits if properly used, life gets easier. A lot easier! ??

Because now you don’t struggle and put unnecessary stress fighting yourself! You are more aligned and harmonious within. ??

How do you become unfu??kwithable?

By controlling things you can control, letting go of things you can’t, and knowing the difference between the two. ??

How do you know the difference between the two?

By realizing that the ONLY thing you ever can control is yourself! ??

You can’t control how people react when you say to them “You are a horrible control freak!” ??

But you can control what you say to them.??

Some might laugh, some may get furious and angry at you, and some may stay silent and ignore you.??

What you can control is learning how to express yourself so people react the way you want them to react, so you get what you want.??

What you can control is how you perceive their attempt to control you! ??

Is it an infringement on your freedom? (you are acting as a victim) ??

Or is it their expression of their hurt? (they are acting as villains to express their hurt)??

If you are tired of your boss micro-managing you, then you have plenty of choices on how to get what you want.??

You could shout at them and express your anger and frustration. In my experience, I always get more anger and frustration back. I get sucked up in the drama and down we both go the negative spiral… till one of us wakes up by hitting the pain threshold. ??

You could ask for more trust and freedom. Success here depends on the skill of communication within the context. ??

You could make take a proactive approach to do the things that tend to make your boss happy and reduce their desire to control you. However, important to note here: the intention is to become your better self and NOT to avoid conflict! If the intention is to avoid, then the outcome will be becoming a victim in people-pleasing mode…. totally dependent on the boss. Slippery slope. ??

If you want to be your own boss, then you could learn to perceive it differently and start to love their controlling behavior, seeing it as a challenge and mental exercise that gets you stronger. This is my personal favorite. Because when well executed they have no control over you. And sooner or later they give up because they can't satisfy their need to control you. ??

In reality, one must combine all of these for sustainable results. ??

All of them will work some of the time. However, relying only on one of them leaves you vulnerable to “overworked muscle”. ??

An unhealthy trap one must be aware of: not becoming even more controlling than the “control freak boss”.??

When you are able to control your perception, attitude and behavior your become unfu??kwithable!?

You are always in control, regardless of what happens outside, because you don’t have to control outside, you are always in peace within. ??

You are certain of your ability to handle your own mind, emotions, and mood, even if you get rocked by other people.??

And that is when life becomes magical! I wish you to have it magical!??

??????

#mindfulness #mindset #leadership #emotionalintelligence #inspiration #transformation #investing #coaching