Unfair Advantages, Pouring The Tea, Potential & Gravitas: A Conversation With Elaine Yew, The Empress Dowager of Leadership

It was such a privilege to have leadership maestro, Elaine Yew , join me on my podcast. A Global Senior Partner at Egon Zehnder , Elaine is one of the world’s most respected leadership advisors. She rarely makes an appearance on social media, so this rare sighting caused quite a ripple and the community is already clamouring for a second episode. Here are some salient points, although for the full Elaine Yew experience, please check out the link to the full episode in the comments.

Unfair Advantages & Trump Cards

Elaine and I delved into the concept of unfair advantages – these are the trump cards that grant us irresistible qualities and open pathways to opportunities. We both studied things which have absolutely no relevance to the jobs we first embarked on. I did law, and went on to do banking. Elaine did theatre, and was offered, as her first job, a place in equity sales – all while taking an elevator!

What are your trump cards? Do you have passion and originality? Do you have a point of view? These qualities are what will arrest people’s attention and get you your opportunities, even those you never did train for.

4 Factors of Potential

Egon Zehnder did a big research piece about 10 years ago to delve into what potential really was. And the answer was that potential was at the foremost, driven by curiosity. How open is somebody to care and to continuously learn about the world and themselves? How curious are you about what is happening to yourself and your growth?

The second is insight. Curiosity sparks learning, but what do you make of it?

The third is engagement. Now that you have the insights, how do you share that with people and grow your influence, impact and social capital?

The final factor is good old determination. Are you able to find your way back to the edge after being thrown into the pool? (Listen to the episode to find out how my mother helped me learn this in quite a literal manner!)

We Didn’t Get The Memo

Elaine and I get asked many times about how we thrive in a male-dominated environment. The truth is, the both of us did not get the memo that girls were not supposed to play like men. We went to all-girls schools, and had strong female role models. This is not to say that gender discrimination at the workplace doesn’t exist, but we were mostly oblivious to these preconceived limitations. And when you’re oblivious to something, you don’t look for it, you don’t play to it, and you do not go in with the expectations that the odds are stacked against you.

Embracing the ‘AND’ And Pouring The Tea

There is a whole range of leadership styles and there is no need to put one down for the other. The keyword here is ‘and’. We do not need to make a choice between being assertive and accommodating, or between power and gentleness. Elaine shared a Masters thesis done by Jo Chew , about how Asian women in Singapore and Malaysia make it to the very top of their careers in what she calls a bicultural context. These are women who are educated and conditioned in a Western world, while living in an Eastern societal context. You have to listen to the episode to find out why a woman in a top position would pour the tea and get a man to present her points. The case-study shows how if we use ‘and’ and not ‘but’ or ‘either-or’, we can amalgamate opposing strategies for whatever works best in the context we find ourselves in.

For me, I may not be able to pour the tea because it goes against what is authentic to me.

But true liberation is when women can go beyond judgement and make space to choose what we want to do. And if pouring that tea is what achieves the objectives and goals, then more power to this leader.

Have The Long & Short Version

Be able to take the key points of your message and know it so well that you edit it from a 60-minute version to a 20-minute one, and then to a 5-minute one on the spot. This shows your ability to think strategically. Being able to distil information is powerful. It also shows you know what your audience needs to hear.

Transmitting & Receiving Energy

If you’ve ever had the chance to listen to Elaine, you’d find yourself drawn to her aura. Something happens to the air. Both Elaine and I are huge believers of energy. We are all transmitting and receiving energy all the time. What we bring to a room and a conversation, and what we accept from the environment and the person sets a basis for that relationship. It is how we are felt and understood by people. And while it sounds esoteric, 95% of senior leaders and CEOs talk to me about the energy of conversations and people. Making one’s presence felt is a very important art in life, no matter who or where you are. People need to feel the definition of who you are, what you stand for, what you’re good at, and where your boundaries are.

Gravitas & Arriving

Some people have great leadership potential, but they don’t feel that sense of ease, comfort and gravitas. We discussed if gravitas was something that could be developed, or was it something one was born with. The answer is that it is a bit of both.

Some people are born with that sense of confidence and that sense of belonging, no matter where they are. But it can be learnt too.

For example, learn how to arrive. Arriving means you say to people that you’re there, but not just with words.

Imagine you are entering a boardroom for a presentation, and everyone is looking at their phones or distracted by work emails. Don’t apologise for taking up their time, or promise that you’d get out of their way in a bit. Instead, Elaine shared that what she does is to go around to shake hands to make that human connection. Have eye contact. Start quick conversations. Doing this helps set the tone and terms, announces your arrival, and helps you meet them where they are. Start only when you are good and ready because what you want to say or do is important, and it does not need to be hurried along.

This concept holds true for online meetings as well. For virtual meetings, I get everyone to type their names and one thing that would make the meeting a win for them. Or I guide a short mindfulness “arriving practice”, which is an invitation for everyone to close their eyes and take a few intentional breaths. Afterwards, everyone types in one word that represents their emotions / energy. If it is a small group, sometimes I send a direct message to people to welcome them or simply welcome them by name as they join. It acknowledges the participants, and helps set the tone for the rest of the session.?

Friends, when I first started on doing podcasts, I thought I would just do it for a “season”. Somehow, I have found myself at episode 25, with no signs of this season ending! It is a costly and time-consuming pursuit, mainly because I want to edit my podcasts myself as I know exactly how I want to stitch the narrative. Yet, despite the cost and the time, it is something I hope to continue doing. The long-form content allows me to go deeper, and it brings me such a great sense satisfaction to democratise the wisdom I have benefited from. ?Nothing is more gratifying than sharing my 20+ years of experience and learning from the best with a community who may not have access to these resources and tools, and who are always hungry for growth. ?

My belief is that personal growth and productivity should not be a luxury for a select few, and I hope that episodes like this one with Elaine inspire you as much as it did for me. Let me know what you think of the episode, and what resonated!