UNDERSTANDING WORKPLACE INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS

As long as people have independent opinions and ideas, conflicts will exist, and the nuances related to how conflicts are managed will always be topical. I think that most conflicts are foreseeable, avoidable or manageable, and the way conflicts are handled invariably affects the culture and productivity of any institution.

Root of most conflicts

Most workplaces look for hires who ‘fit into the culture’. They want to employ people who resemble the institution and reflect its ethos.?Interestingly, many employees may be cultural fits, but their innate personalities would invariably differ and affect their communication style, relationships and work mode. Organizations that understand the interplay between complementary personalities find a healthy balance and derive unquantifiable benefits. However, the flipside of different personalities is that personality differences are the root of most conflicts in workplaces. A recent report shows that the biggest reason employees lose focus and productivity at work is interpersonal conflicts.?Workplace disputes and personality clashes take up approximately 2.8 hours per employee per week, according to a?report by CPP Global. 49% of survey respondents said that?clashes of personalities and egos were the biggest reason for conflict. Read more.

Personality and behaviour

Our innate personality affects our emotions and how we think or act. At work, our personality plays out in how we process information, engage others and make decisions. We all behave in our set ways, fed by our personalities, but when we encounter people whose personalities differ from ours, we may cross wires, and a conflict may follow. The bottom line is that we are unable to change our personalities, but we may learn to adapt to situations as our emotional intelligence improves. Whatever happens, even as we adapt, we are still who we are and reminiscent of Samuel Butler’s saying: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still". So how do we deal with our different personalities to find a balance and manage conflicts?

Red, Yellow, Blue and Green

Swedish behavioral expert Thomas Eriksen, in his book Surrounded by Idiots, discusses four different personality types. The back cover of the book caught my attention with this: Ever ended up in an argument because you were misinterpreted? Has a colleague’s total inability to see your point baffled you? Are you just tired of not being listened to? You are not alone. After a disastrous meeting with a successful entrepreneur who was convinced he was ‘surrounded by idiots’, Thomas Eriksen decided to understand how people function and why we often struggle to connect with each other.

In this book, Thomas Eriksen summarizes the core of each personality. I must point out that he says most people are a mix of two personalities with one predominant. Here goes:

• Reds are quick and more than happy to take command if needed. However, when they get going, they become control freaks and can be hopeless to deal with. They repeatedly trample on people’s toes.
• Yellows can be amusing, creative and elevate the mood regardless of who they’re with. However, when given unlimited space, they will consume all the oxygen in the room, they won’t allow anyone into the conversation, and their stories will reflect reality less and less.
• Greens are easy to hang out with because they are so pleasant and genuinely care for others. Unfortunately, they can be too wishy-washy and unclear. Anyone who takes a stand eventually becomes difficult to handle. You don’t know where they really stand, and their indecision kills the energy of other people.
• Blues are calm, levelheaded and think before they speak. Their ability to keep a cool head is undoubtedly an enviable quality for all who aren’t capable of doing that. However, Blues’ critical thinking can easily turn to suspicion and questioning those around them. Everything can become suspect and sinister.

Good and bad

One thing to note is that each personality summarized by Thomas Eriksen has good traits, but they each also have the ‘however’ sides to them. Both the good traits and bad traits of each personality can cause friction when they engage different personalities. What may be the upside of one personality may offend another personality. For example. the fact that Reds want to move into action to solve problems aggressively can grate a green who sees no hurry, or a blue who wants to think through a niggling suspicion. None of them are wrong, they are all just different. These differences become frustrations and soon enough, conflicts.

Managing Expectations

So how do we manage expectations? I think it all begins by recognizing that we are all different and we all come with our good sides, and sometimes with the bad and even the ugly sides. The search for only the good side of people is one major cause of friction. This is why many people continue to be flummoxed at cycles of persistent behaviour they dislike exhibited by colleagues. ?It is safe to conclude that some of our expectations from people we encounter are mere fantasies. Perhaps the people we have pictured in our minds simply do not exist? Are we better off assuming that the blotches we think we see are part of the flavour we each bring to the table? Henry van Dyke ?said: “Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” We can also borrow a leaf from the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, which is all about accepting the imperfect and finding beauty in the flawed.?Is imperfection the new perfect?

Perspectives

With greater insight, we can redefine many conflicts as differences in perspective. Many conflicts are simply the difference between 6 and 9. It all depends on where you are standing, top or bottom. Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach says: “Whenever two good people argue over principles, they are both right.”

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ayuli Jemide (AJ) is a model contrarian who finds excitement in championing concepts that go against the grain. He is the founder and lead Partner of Detail Commercial Solicitors, Nigeria’s first commercial solicitor’s firm to specialize exclusively in non-court room practice. He is an Adjunct Professor at the IE Business School, Madrid. He is the author of “LISTENEVERYHOW - How Negotiations Work” @2021 available on Amazon. Ayuli was named the “Best Lawyer, Nigeria, 2013’’ by World Finance. Ayuli Jemide is a "very effective negotiator.” Chambers & Partners, Global Commentary 2015. He has over two decades of experience dealing with clients, regulators and counterparties on transactions and has negotiated various ground-breaking deals.