Understanding what you see

I expect you have come across the phrase “don't judge a book by its cover.” Now I expect this phrase was used in reference to people and not to an actual book. This phrase is often understood to be in direct contrast to the old phrase that you can tell everything you need to know about a man by his shoes. So I guess the question here is what do we know or at least able to guess at by looking at a person and the way they display themselves?

When we look at a person there are some signs of who they are in how they appear. What they wear and how it is worn does give us clues as to who they are and what they might do. But I expect the danger comes from believing that we can obtain all we need to know from that appearance.

Seeing someone in a suit that appears uncomfortable might mean that this is someone who often does not wear a suit. Or a lady walking unsteadily around in high-heal shoes could mean that she is unused to such shoes and not actually drunk. Appearance gives us clues to the person and brings with it the inherent danger of assumptions. And it is these assumptions that must be managed when attempting to gather clues about people as we observe them.

Now, this is when many posts shift and recommend that you heed the phrase “don't judge a book by its cover”. The problem is we do. But the problem comes from the word judge, We do gather significant information by what we observe about a person, but the assumption that we know more than what we do is the problem. We often believe that we have gathered enough information to make a reasonable conclusion about who they are or what they do. This belief then leads us to place them in a box, so to speak. That is where we have the problem. Our box might not be completely accurate.

So do use your skill at observation to guide your understanding of the people around you, but leave the box open so they can surprise you. Permit them the opportunity to offer you greater insight into who they are. It is when we close the box and seal it that the problems arise. And while an open box can be unsettling for many, it frees us from many embarrassing moments.

Blessings!