Understanding what *you* can control at work

Work shouldn’t drain you of your joy.?

I hope we can agree this is a statement that *should* be true, but for many of the folks I talk to, there’s a whole lot of draining going on.?

The Sources of Joy Drain?

When we dig into why work is so draining, there are plenty of things that might warrant change at a company-wide or leadership level – a toxic culture, an antagonizing boss, a lack of vision, poor leadership (and the list goes on…). As an individual employee, you can certainly raise these concerns to the powers that be and maybe even offer some ideas to address them. But, unfortunately, fixing these problems is often out of your control.?

In these cases, looking for a new job at a new company (or going freelance!) might be your best option for getting yourself away from these draining things.?

But I also think it’s important to recognize there will always be things that we find draining about work – that’s why it’s called work! (and it’s why I think challenging our expectations of work is so important). Switching jobs can feel like a great way to shake things up when you’re feeling unfulfilled, but you may find yourself dealing with similar challenges or new annoyances once the honeymoon phase is over (researchers call this the Honeymoon-Hangover Effect).?

What’s draining YOU

Before you leap into a stressful, time-consuming job search, take some time to write down what is frustrating about your work. You can jot things down as they come up; no need to make a complete list right now – you can keep a paper near your workspace (assuming you work remotely, of course, you don’t need Brenda looking over your shoulder!) and add things to it over a few workdays. Don’t edit yourself; this is your time to list any frustrations, no matter how small. It could be…

• “I don’t have enough focused work time”?
• “I hate working on this task”?
• “I keep hearing about project X, but no one has asked me to help”?
• “I wish people didn’t email me after 6pm”
• “I don’t understand why we’re doing Y, it feels like a waste of time”
• “I’ve been turned down for a promotion multiple times in favor of less qualified white men”

Once you have your list, take a look back at what you’ve written. Reflect on each point, and pick out the 5-10 that feel the most important to you – the greatest joy robbers of them all.?

Now, think about which of these things you have some control over. Essentially, this is asking yourself “Am I in a position to identify some solutions that might help and can I either implement these changes on my own and/or ask someone (likely a manager) to help me do so?” In this exercise we are not looking to implement changes and solutions that require buy-in from multiple stakeholders. We are looking for opportunities that can have a positive impact on your wellbeing and don’t require significant shifts or investments at the organizational level.?

I would argue you have *some* amount of control over all but the last bullet (“I’ve been turned down for a promotion multiple times in favor of less qualified white men”). If your company has an environment where DEI isn’t prioritized, and you don’t feel supported to succeed, that is a good reason to leave. It is not on you to solve these problems; even Adam Grant agrees. (If you want help getting out of a toxic environment like this, grab some time on my calendar).

What control looks like in these situations

Let’s walk through the examples I shared above and explore some ways you might be able to frame a conversation to help create change.?

“I don’t have enough focused work time”?

• What baby steps can you take to block off some focused work time – an hour a day? A 2 hour block twice a week? Figure out what’s a reasonable first step and then talk to your manager. “I believe I could do better, faster work towards our goals if I had some more focused work time. Here’s what I’m thinking, can you help me communicate this need to others?” Then, look in the mirror and practice saying “No” to meetings requests during those blocks – cc your manager if backup is needed.

“I hate working on this task”?

• Does your manager know that? Is there a way to get this done that involves less of your time? Come up with some ideas on how to outsource this task (with a tool or to another team member) and then present these options to your manager “I feel like this task isn’t a great use of my time and skills, and it’s constantly falling to the bottom of my to do list. I know it’s important that we get this done well, so here are some ideas about how we could get this work done more effectively.”?

“I keep hearing about project X, but no one has asked me to help”

• Talk to some folks who are working on the project to better understand the work being done. If you think you can be helpful, offer up the specific skills you have to contribute; if you see it as an opportunity for growth, communicate to your manager how this connects to your growth goals and ask for a little time each week to shadow someone on the project.

“I wish people didn’t email me after 6pm”

• Close out of your email at 6pm and turn off notifications on any of your devices. Communicate that the best way to reach you after 6pm is to call you (I find that people tend to be reticent to call someone unless it’s an actual emergency). You can also make the suggestion that the team schedules any after hours emails to be delivered the following day. Someone choosing to work later or different hours should have little to no impact on your work schedule (especially when many of us are working in different time zones).?

“I don’t understand why we’re doing Y, it feels like a waste of my time”

• We want to feel like time spent at work is a good use of our precious hours in the day. This is, yet again (are you sensing a trend?), an opportunity for a conversation. At the start of a new quarter, it is perfectly reasonable to ask leaders to restate what the company – and your team – is working towards. If your team has clear KPIs and you still don’t see the connection, ask someone for help. “I want to make sure I’m prioritizing the right projects over the coming month; can we walk through again how this connects to our KPI of XYZ?”??

Oh boy, that's a lot of communicating

You're right. Even for things you have some control over, there's a lot of communication involved in addressing what drains you at work. And I get it – it can be hard to have these kinds of conversations. So, I want you to remember a few things…

• Workers have never had more power than they do right now. There’s never been a better time to make requests of your employer. You’ll only know what’s possible if you ask.?
• Your manager isn’t a mind reader. By identifying and communicating what you need from your job, you are giving your manager valuable information about how to keep you from leaving (companies are notoriously bad at guessing why people are resigning).?
• You aren’t being selfish. A drained employee is not a productive employee. When you articulate what you need to do your best work, you will contribute more to the company.?
• Work shouldn’t drain you of your joy. Why not end where we started… you deserve to close your laptop at the end of the day with time and energy left for what matters most. We all do.

If you want help thinking through how to communicate your needs to your manager, sign-up for a Convo Coaching Mini Session (on super discount through May 15).

?