Understanding the Shadow: Listening for What is Missing in Client Stories

Article written by Dr. David Drake, Founder of the Moment Institute

Coaches are keenly interested in what people have to say in sessions with us. In narrative coaching, we take this one step further by listening as well for what is not being said (as well as what wants to be said). Often times, people leave markers in their stories that signal aspects of themselves they're not yet ready to incorporate into their story. They show up as gaps in their narration, Freudian slips, muttering under their breath, uneasy laughs and more. These clues are important because they often provide openings into developmental opportunities for our clients. This is because people while people tell stories to perpetuate their preferred identities and pursue their objectives, their stories also surface other aspects of their identities that challenge these objectives.

We can use the work of Carl Jung on our Shadow to help us understand why and what to do about it. The Shadow is composed of the “inferior parts of our personality that were repressed or suppressed for the sake of an ego ideal, a chosen conscious attitude, that was largely defined by others in our early years (Johnson, 1991). As a result, “it is often considered inappropriate and shunned, and experienced as unbearable to hold consciously and is therefore denied” (Kolodziejski, 2004). We have personal and collective Shadows, and each has the same purpose: to challenge us to become more whole in ourselves.

The Shadow is:

• A natural by-product of the development of our ego.
• An innate human energy, neither good nor bad in itself.
• A strategy to retain sufficient safety and love.
• A blind spot we unconsciously project onto others.
• An untapped reservoir of vital energy and potential.
• A guide for our unique path to maturation.

Our Shadow is a natural part of our early development, but it tends to become an issue later in life as it demands more attention and equal time. As with a good story, it rises up in opposition to our convenient image of ourselves in an effort to restore equilibrium and wholeness. It does not make the distinctions our conscious ego does in order to stay within the confines of our self or social definitions. It does not make distinctions between good and bad; it just is. At the same time, there are often judgments about it which keep it hidden. However, the more we repress a part of ourselves, the more the repressed part will return into our lives. The energy is never destroyed, it just changes form.

The Shadow can be seen when a person’s reactions to a situation seem disproportionate to what actually happened or when person’s projections onto others seem stronger than warranted. You can hear it in their stories, most notably in terms of what they leave out, e.g., their accountability as the author or their true motivations. This is important to remember because the developmental progress people make in coaching often unravels if its Shadow elements are not addressed. You can see this in the coachee who is working on his assertiveness, but becomes domineering because he has not addressed the rage or the bully in his Shadow that has been activated.

This work enables people to recover aspects of themselves they have projected onto others rather than owned and integrated into themselves. When this does not happen, our clients end up projecting these elements onto the other — whether that is on a partner, a team member or an entire class of people. In narrative coaching, we work on the Shadow with both clients and coaches to help them to understand why they do what they do and to regain the energy they will need to make the changes they are seeking. This is essential if you want to help your clients mature for the long-term not just solve problems in the short-term.

Shadow work helps people reclaim more of their personal vitality and energy as well as more of their diversity and richness as a human being. This is especially important during periods of transition when people often need to let go of the very things they have worked hardest to achieve. It is then that they come to realize that their efforts to compartmentalize aspects of themselves have failed—and will ultimately always fail—and that the continued repression of any aspect of themselves will lead to an overall diminishing of themselves. As a result, they may need to release some cherished images of themselves and compromises they have made along the way in order to develop a greater vitality and maturity on the other side.

One of the best ways to observe the Shadow in coaching conversations is to listen for what is missing from their stories. Sometimes our clients can identify and take responsibility for the issues they are presenting. However, through my doctoral research I came to realize that quite often the core issues are projected onto characters and the stories, and is through the exploration of these characters and their attributes and actions that the client comes to see their own issue. Therefore, work with clients to identify what gets projected onto which elements in their stories and for what purpose. “This is important work because key characters in their stories represent parts of themselves projected onto the ‘Other’ as a means to work through their own development or identity issues. For example, a coachee’s challenge in setting a clearer course in his own career gets projected onto a story about a micromanaging boss. Much of the strife in our lives, our organizations and our world are a result of blaming others rather than doing our own work.

Some tips on listening for the Shadow and what is missing in clients’ stories:

• Notice where there are gaps in the narration or characters who stand out.
• Invite clients to notice where their stories are formed around ideals rather than realities.
• Listen for has been silenced within the client, her stories and/or her narration.
• Recognize that the client’s body may express their Shadow before their words do.
• Invite people to recover their split-off elements by working with the characters in their stories. From there, they will have a much richer palette to choose from in crafting a new narrative.

Johnson, R. A. (1991). “Owning your own shadow.” New York, HarperCollins Publishers.

Jung, C. G. (1961). “Memories, dreams and reflections.” New York, Vintage Books.

Kolodziejski, Karin. (2004). "The organization shadow: Exploring the untapped, trapped potential in organizational setting." Dissertation Abstracts International 66, DAI-B:(UMI No. AAT-3166383).

To Learn more…

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Author: Dr David Drake founded and runs the Moment Institute and has studied human dynamics for 30 years – with a particular passion for change and transitions. What this means for David’s clients is that he can help them separate the signal from the noise to focus on what matters most. As an integrative practitioner he draws on a rich academic and consulting background in helping clients understand their own stories and liberate themselves. David has worked on narrative coaching, change and leadership initiatives for 70 organizations, including Commonwealth Bank of Australia, Google, Nike, PwC, Westpac and the Australian and US Federal governments. He has trained over 10,000 people in 14 countries in his methods and has started a global community of licensed Narrative Design Partners to bring this work to the world in new ways.