Understanding Relational Leadership

How do you grow in leadership? You may be looking for a leadership formula. Take a class, hire a coach, read a book, listen to a podcast? All of these miss the key element of leadership—the core of what it means to lead. As a leader, you’re not over a what, but a who. To lead is to influence others in a way that helps them grow personally, professionally and spiritually. Leadership is fundamentally about influencing people.

Leadership cannot be quantified a sales goal, a winning time or score, or reaching a first at work. An accomplishment is always in the past—what I did—while leadership is always in the present—I am leading. A person who is in first place may grow sales, grow products, or grow processes. A leader is always growing people. Leadership, then, is relational. You will become a better leader as you learn to utilize relationships, helping the people around you to become the best version of themselves. How might you become an effective leader as you focus on people?

Prioritize people. One day you and your family members will have all passed away. Your company will be led by someone else. Your accomplishments, at best, will be a page in a book on a dusty shelf. Recent surveys found just 50% of people knew the full names of all their grandparents,[1] and 57% can’t name even one great-grandparent.[2] The most famous actors 100 years ago were John Gilbert and William Haines. The Speakers of the House in the 1920s were Frederick Gillette and Nicolas Longworth. Nobody can name these men today.

Your influence in life and leadership is short. But the people you influenced along the way will carry on after you are gone. They can pass on what you have taught them to the next generation. If you lead them to Jesus, you’ll spend eternity with them in heaven. Relationships are the only thing of eternal lasting value, because they are the only thing that has the potential to outlast our death. No other possession or accomplishment can go with you after you die, beyond some of the people you know. Realizing this, a leader prioritizes relationships with those around him. This means dedicating time to people first, over mere tasks or goals.

Promote growth. If people are the goal of leadership, then their personal, professional and spiritual growth is the metric of leadership. Remember 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Orient your leadership around other people, seeing them progress into leaders themselves because they are within your sphere of influence. To grow relationships, you’ll need to focus on two key actions:

• Support others’ activities. Look for social openings to become involved in the lives of others. Meet wives and children where possible. Celebrate birthdays and accomplishments at work. Know others’ interests and hobbies and if you can’t personally participate, find ways to encourage and, if possible, free up time for them to pursue their passions. You promote the growth of people when you support their relationship-centric activities. In this way you increase your influence in their lives and covey a genuine interest in their well-being and development.
• Keep in touch. Contrary to the old saying, no news is not good news. Make an effort to keep in touch with those in your sphere of influence. A stop by the office for a kind word, a handwritten note, a phone call or text—prioritize personal connection as often as possible. This is not to give them a lecture or leadership lesson. Rather, ask how they are doing. Learn what is going on in their lives and work. Approach with a listening ear.

Relationships are not built in isolation, nor is leadership conveyed from behind a closed door. Do you want to lead people? Spend a substantial amount of time daily connecting with them.

Personalize examples. A relational leader doesn’t write or send directives to others about what kind of person they should become. Rather he sets a clear and compelling example in his thoughts, words and actions. If you want to influence people toward honesty, integrity, initiative, compassion, loyalty, courage, humility persistence, and other character traits, then you must first embody these in your own life and work. Live out Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Does your life and leadership show that your mind is on these things?

The Bible is filled with examples of relational leadership. Perhaps the simplest expression of this is the Golden Rule, found in Matthew 7:12, where Jesus teaches, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…”. This instruction flies in the face of the “eye for an eye” attitude of Jesus’ time—and of today! It’s a difficult leadership task to repay unkindness or laziness with your own compassion and excellence. But it is through powerful and positive examples that relational leadership is built.

Practice empowerment. One of the best leadership tools you can develop as a relational leader is empowerment—that is, giving those around you the freedom to expand their knowledge and experience, to make their own decisions, and to develop their own leadership skills and potential. Empowerment requires a level of humility and servanthood from the relational leader. You have to be willing for others to get the credit and allow them control, acting as a mentor versus a manager.

Colossians 3:12 instructs in this kind of leadership, saying, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience…” These characteristics are only possible to demonstrate within strong and trusting relationships. Empowerment also takes a sense of personal confidence and purpose. If you only know what you want to accomplish for yourself, you’ll rarely empower others. But if your goal is to see others become their best, then empowering them to do so will be a key leadership practice.

A true picture of leadership.Pick up a leadership book, or read the latest article on leadership, and you might see a photo or graphic showing one person out in front of a team, pointing the way forward. The expert might talk about vision and values, and how to bring others along with you down the leadership path. You very well may have a direction you believe you or your organization need to go in, and you may want to have a team with you on that road. But real leadership, relational leadership, is not to be in front, but rather to lead from the back. If you lead from the front, you only see the direction you are going, and not the people you are leading. But if you lead from the back, you see both those you are developing, and the goal ahead. This is a true picture of relational leadership.

[1] https://abc7chicago.com/ancestrycom-grandparents-names-do-you-know-your/11722350/

[2] https://theparentcue.org/do-you-know-your-great-grandfathers-name/