Understanding... Racism

"Sometimes being understanding is more important than being right." - Unknown

Two weeks ago, I decided to write a short article about Racism. I came across several problems, I'll give you just three of them: 

First, we would have to agree upon a definition of Racism, otherwise, how can we talk rationally about it? Second, this topic is so emotionally charged, it is difficult if not impossible, to discuss without getting triggered and losing perspective. Third, this subject is so personal, subjective and nuanced, which means every one of us has a slightly different experience of Racism.

After banging my head against a brick wall for over a week, writing and deleting and starting again, shifting from anger to sadness to frustration and everywhere in between, I decided to take a different approach. 

I'm a mindfulness teacher, I train people and organisations to bring awareness and understanding to their internal and interpersonal landscapes. With that in mind, I decided to focus on the "understanding" part—understanding where your beliefs come from; understanding opinions different to yours; and understanding what the fight-or-flight response does to your thinking process.

What is Racism?

Good luck coming up with a definition of Racism that everyone agrees to. Perhaps you think a white nationalist is racist? In contrast, he might not see himself as racist since he preaches non-violence. Maybe you believe that someone is racist if they have a problem with certain aspects of black culture? In contrast, she might feel that her beliefs have nothing to do with skin colour, and therefore, she is not racist. Perhaps you believe that silence is Racism—i.e. if a person is not actively speaking out about Racism, then that person is a racist.

I'm not here to give my definition of Racism. I'm here to encourage you to work out your own definition of Racism, and more importantly, I'm here to challenge you to understand the viewpoints of those you disagree with.

As I see it, one explanation for the current divisions is that we do not understand each other's positions. Close to 100% of people agree what happened to George Floyd was horrific and should never be allowed to happen again, the disagreement comes when deciding what action to take. 

The Illusion of Competence

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance" – Confucious.

Often we feel like we understand a subject when we don't. We trick ourselves into thinking that we are competent, that we understand a topic thoroughly. When we hear someone else make an argument and come to a conclusion, we mistakenly believe that we can do the same. 

But then we're asked to explain, we're asked to articulate why something is the way it is. We're asked to describe its connection to other facts, theories or historical events while putting the subject into context. It's at this point where many of us fall flat on our face and are unable to express ourselves.

The philosopher Mortimer Adler once said, "The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks." Feeling informed means, you can parrot opinions you've heard from politicians or media influencers, or you can cite random facts you've picked up from the internet. Being informed means, you can make a coherent argument and conclusion.

My last week was the perfect example of this. Each time I sat down to write this article, I fell flat on my face. I realised that all I had in my head was talking points and random facts and figures from other people. I also realised that I was continually triggered, my heart was heavy, and I was writing from a place of anger and hurt. So I stepped up my mindfulness practice, switched on my 'beginners-mind', and looked for as many different views as possible. 

The conclusion I came to was this—I can't even define Racism, it was complicated, far more complicated than most people want to admit.

So why did it take me over a week to realise this?

Ego

"If we are seeking truth, reconciliation and equilibrium, we must learn to bypass the ego and regularly question our beliefs". - Chibs Okereke

We all have an ego. Our ego tries to protect us, make us feel safe, and make us feel good in each moment. The ego enjoys status and power, and it compares itself to others. Hence, it tricks us into the illusion of superiority. If we know more than other people, we feel above them, and this makes us feel good. 

Allow me to pose a question—would you rather be correct, or would you rather be smarter? 

Most people would choose 'smarter'. However, if you're like me, in the heat of the moment with tempers flaring, it often becomes more important to make my point and win, rather than learn and grow.

In the moment, it feels good to be right, and it feels uncomfortable and threatening to be wrong. It is easy to confirm your existing beliefs, and it is difficult to learn a new or diverse perspective. 

Therefore, most of us (unless we have excellent awareness), choose being correct over being smarter in the moment. 

When we are in fight-or-flight or under physical, psychological or existential threat, this tendency is multiplied. It feels even MORE righteous and fulfilling to be correct, and it feels even MORE threatening and frightening to be wrong. So, we might fight, sometimes to the death, to be right.

Fight-or-Flight

When you're triggered, your brain simply cannot comprehend things that are outside of your current belief systems. The fight-or-flight response is an ancient biological mechanism that is there to protect you when you are in danger. It is the quick-thinking brain, the reactive brain. When we are in fight-or-flight things are either black or white, right or wrong, and almost always "I'm right, you're wrong".

You have to be calm to see the big picture. When the body and mind are in a state of relaxation, the pre-frontal cortex is active. The pre-frontal cortex is the slow-thinking, measured, logical, rational part of the brain—the part of our brain that promotes compassion and connection, and lessens feelings of separateness. 

So, in fight-or-flight, members of one' team' will notice a higher number of instances of militarised cops tear-gassing and shooting rubber bullets at peaceful protestors. Other 'teams' might see more examples of white nationalists attacking police and demonstrators. If you're on another team, you might notice more black youths looting and being violent.

But if you're on "Team Understanding", your nervous system is calm, compassionate and relaxed. Instead of violence and Racism, you might notice the millions of peaceful changemakers around the world of all races, marching together without incident. Perhaps you see courageous policemen standing in solidarity with demonstrators. Maybe you notice events such as a black man throwing an injured white nationalist over his shoulder after saving him from being assaulted. 

When we are in fight-or-flight, everything looks dark and threatening. When we are calm, we can see beauty and connection everywhere, even in the darkness.

Where to from here?

"Only in the darkness can we see the stars" - Martin Luther King Jr.

Please don't think that I am advocating non-action, far from it. We need to react quickly with full force whenever there is immediate danger in our environment. Still, once the imminent threat has passed, we need to take stock, take a breath, survey the big picture, and take action from a place of understanding. The final response might be the same, but we must do our best to act with awareness rather than react.

I'm going to write a follow-up article to give you some concrete techniques on how you can help yourself through this challenging time. I will share my tools to make you feel safe and secure so you can respond rather than react as you strive for a kinder and more equitable world. 

In the meantime, look after yourself! Relax your body, relax your mind, question your belief systems and seek to understand. Once you understand, from a place of poise and calm, make your contribution towards a better world.

Sometimes being understanding is more important than being right. Sometimes we need not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens. Not keen eyes that always see faults but open arms that accept. Not a finger that points out mistakes but gentle hands that lead. - Unknown

?Chibs Okereke is a Meditation, Resilience & Burnout Specialist, and Accredited Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Teacher. If you would like to learn more about meditation, sign up for the Free 7-Day Challenge at www.chibs.co/challenge.