Understanding Personal Boundaries and Learning How to Set Them (free workbook)

A common item we’ve discussed in other articles, is the Control is one of the essential 4C’s. When we have more control in our life, we become happier.

For this, personal boundaries play a pivotal role. When we have healthy personal boundaries in our life, we can maintain our self-imagine, and create a positive self-concept of ourselves. It is through this that we can communicate with others in a fashion that will not define us.

Our personal boundaries are an essential part of how we perceive things. When we learn to deal with things within healthy personal boundaries, we are able to better maintain our positive sense of self, and our perception of who we are is breathtaking. We are able to feel like we have a deeper sense of worth and avoid problems along the way.

When we consider these personal boundaries, we must remember that they are not only physical and mental, but there are emotional elements as well. We need to have limitations on our personal boundaries in place, so we better understand what we think, feel, and believe, so we can express ourselves, without ever losing a sense of who we are.

When we do not have healthy relationships in our life, we are unable to achieve a greater depth to ourselves. When we communicate in an open and honest manner, we are better able to take on life and to gain a deeper understanding of what we is inside of us internally. We understand the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of ourselves and of others, including those who are close to us like our children, spouses, and even dear friends in our life. So we are able to provide them with greater kindness and love.

So how can we establish healthier personal boundaries for ourselves?

It is important to first acknowledge you have a right to your own personal boundaries. In addition, you have a personal responsibility for how people treat you. When you define boundaries, you show people what is acceptable, and what is not in your life. This is viewed as part of your identity and when it is clear and well defined, you are able to accomplish more in life, and fewer people will be able to violate your boundaries, as they instead choose to respect the boundaries that are there instead.

Download Your Personal Boundaries Workbook HERE

In addition to your own needs, you must not ignore that the feelings and needs of others are also important. Many women traditionally have put the needs of their spouse and children above their own. While this is an erroneous thought, it was an approach that undermined how the family dynamic has worked. When a woman is mentally and physically drained she is unable to take her own life and make a difference with it. When you put the needs of others before you own, you are giving yourself new strength and power so you can take on things again on your own.

People pleasers tends to be those people who suffer the most in understanding the importance of personal boundaries. You don’t want to appear selfish or even worry about what other people think. However, the truth is that personal boundaries are essential for your general health and wellbeing.

So, what does this mean you should do? The best solution is to simply say no. Remember when you give up on your own personal boundaries, you aren’t doing anyone any favors. All you do is stress yourself out to the point that you cannot give your best to everyone else.

Instead, look for behaviors and actions that you do not find acceptable. Based on that, you can determine where you need to draw the line so that your emotional and physical needs continue to be met. This is the best way to realize what you need to have happen and what must be done in order for you to be successful and comfortable at all times.

You’ll also need to learn to trust and to believe in yourself. You are the most important person in your life, and you best understand what you need. Make sure you find the full value in who you are, and to gain a deeper understanding of your wants and your needs. That way, all decisions you make will keep those in mind. A healthy imbalance is not something that you want to encounter at all. Rather than playing the victim later on, work on knowing what you need in advance and avoid these issues later on when possible.

Not sure what unhealthy boundaries are?

• They go against any personal values or rights you have to make others feel better.
• They cause you to give more than you should.
• Allow others to define you, rather than defining yourself.
• They expect you to take more than you should and give more than you you can give.
• You feel bad or wrong if you say no.
• You are unable to say something if you are treated poorly.
• You have the sense you are falling in love with someone who simply acknowledges you.
• Break down so that someone else can care for you.
• Accept any touches, advances, or even sex when you don’t really want to.
• Touching others without their consent.

So, what are good and healthy personal boundaries?

• Boosted self-confidence.
• Being able to maintain your touch with reality.
• Having rewarding and fulfilling relationships.
• Enjoying a stable life.
• Having more control over who you are.

Remember, it is never too late for you to take control of your life and to establish the healthy personal boundaries you need.

Gregg Swanson is a peak performance consultant and human potential coach and has authored several books and numerous articles on peak performance. Gregg specializes in developing mental strength in individuals that desire to reach their full potential. He has developed a unique online training program “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.” You can also pick up your free eBook,” Why Change is So Hard” by going HERE.