Understanding and Overcoming Destructive Behavior in Others

By Sandy Hein | Sandy Hein

One of the key Laws of Negotiation Gravity? is that fear of loss is the single biggest driver of human decision making and behavior. When examining power dynamics, it's crucial to consider how fear can derail your negotiation or difficult conversation, sending it into a downward spiral that leads to misunderstandings, destructive conversations, or all out attacks.

Recognizing and addressing this fear is essential for productive communication. Mitigating fear is an important first step: When you allow fear, real or perceived, to remain in the conversation or negotiation you're impeding your counterparts ability to think clearly. The fear is taking up space in their brain which takes away their capacity to hear what you're saying. When you demonstrate an understanding of that fear, they can let it go which frees up that space allowing you to have a productive and open conversation.

Fear as a Driver: If your counterpart sees themselves as the less powerful person in the negotiation, then they may fear the power they assume you will wield over them. When someone perceives our power as a threat to their own goals or desires, they may become triggered even before any interaction takes place. This fear can manifest as destructive behavior, leading them to attempt to undermine or destroy the interaction. It's crucial to approach this situation with empathy and to recognize that their actions may not be a deliberate attempt to harm us but rather a response to their own insecurities and fears.

The Power of Curiosity

?When faced with someone who perceives us as having all the power, it's essential to take a step back and remain curious. Instead of reacting impulsively, we should consider the situation from their perspective. Use level 3 listening to understand why they feel or think the way they do and where it may be coming from. This will help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and motivations behind their actions. By doing so, you will open yourself up to a deeper understanding of the situation and the person involved.

Remove Yourself as a Threat: To prevent destructive conversations and interactions, we must first remove ourselves as a perceived threat. The most effective way to do this is by using Tactical Empathy? to acknowledge their perspective and validate their power imbalance concerns. In doing this we can lower the chances of misunderstandings and diminish the fear they may harbor towards us. This approach not only reduces the likelihood of destructive behavior but also leads to more innovative solutions and stronger relationships.

Dealing With Power on the Other Side

?If your counterpart perceives themselves as being in a position of power, then their greatest fear may be losing that power. Tactical Empathy? is extremely effective when dealing with someone in that position. The first thing you should do is acknowledge the fear. You can do this with an Accusation Audit at the beginning of your interaction: "You may be worried I'll try to undermine you" or "This may feel like I'm making a power play."......Read the full article here: https://www.blackswanltd.com/the-edge/understanding-and-overcoming-destructive-behavior-in-others