Understanding the Need for Change
The Importance of Taking Your Head Out of the Sand
Do you ever feel like one of those medieval messengers who risked being executed if they brought bad news to the king? It's certainly much easier to bury your head and hide when times get tough. And that opens up the question - how do you deal with life when things are clearly going wrong? And why is this an important question to consider?
The purpose of starting with these questions is to highlight a human characteristic that often prompts us to develop blind spots that make us unaware of potentially threatening data. It happens around boardroom tables. It happens in sports teams. It happens in schools, universities, government offices and around the family dining table. In other words, it happens wherever human beings gather and share thoughts and ideas.
It’s fair to acknowledge that we’re conditioned to prefer stability and continuity rather than face the challenges of disruption and potential changes in the way things are done.
Does that seem like an unusual insight to you?
Some researchers suggest that it’s a natural part of our social conditioning. Others claim that the tendency holds evolutionary advantages that support the stability of group dynamics. Whatever the origins, most of us prefer to keep things pretty much the way they are. Whether they’re working to our benefit. Or not.
However, when you think about it, this seemingly odd tendency also presents a potential obstacle to any openings for positive change and improvement that might be available to us.
Have you seen the surprising research on lottery winners? It’s interesting because it highlights the winners’ tendency to squander their wealth and return as rapidly as possible to their original situation. Despite all the advantages bestowed by their new-found fortune, they experience an instinctive drive to return to their previous default position.
It’s another way of interpreting this doggedly persistent tendency to keep everything the way it is. Or the way it was. Even when the possibility of dramatic improvement presents itself. I know. It really seems completely counter-intuitive. But it’s an important insight into how our minds are conditioned to behave.
We could apply the same principle to the delicate area of personal relationships. How many couples stay trapped in loveless, grindingly disappointing relationships because they can’t imagine a better alternative? How many people consider their daily ration of unhappiness as their normal, default position and expend vast amounts of time and energy preserving the exact conditions that are the very cause of their misery?
I know. It really sounds very strange. But the good news is that there are plenty of very positive alternatives to this dysfunctional way of living our lives.
And the answer begins with a fresh commitment to being completely honest. It starts with a deep breath and a cool, objective appraisal of your current circumstances. Look carefully and objectively and make a list of what’s going well in your life - and then you can add a list of what isn’t working. This kind of analysis is vital if you want to spot problems long before they become avalanches that can wipe out your organisation.
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But, on a more positive note, this objective analysis can also be the catalyst that launches a company onto new levels of productivity, profitability, innovation and creativity.
In a relationship, this is a very powerful starting point to much more meaningful communication. Because you can then sit down with your partner and take the time to express yourself and tell them how you feel. One of the great principles to adopt is that you’re not allowed to talk about the other person or about their behaviour. You simply express how you feel. Without interruption. And without judgement. Then you go into silent mode and give time for the other person to do the same thing: to express how they feel. Once you’ve established this new level of clarity and skipped all the childish blaming and shaming that destroys effective communication, you’re ready to appreciate how you both feel and talk about anything you can do to make things better for both of you. It’s all in the conversation. You probably knew it all along – all the important ingredients to a successful relationship were held within the compass of your conversations.
When you take a little time to set aside your habits of focusing on whatever’s comfortable and familiar, to look with open eyes at whatever’s going on around you, to assess the situation calmly and clearly and determine what’s good, what’s unacceptable and what could be improved, you create a powerful checklist for transformation. It requires a little courage but the rewards are far greater than any initial discomfort. Once you’ve learned to appreciate the real power of this fabulous way of challenging your old ways of accepting things, you can apply the method on a regular basis and break free of those tired, old habits and limitations that used to hold you back.
We’re all familiar with the habit of putting up with unnecessary situations and becoming far too comfortable within the familiar boundaries of our limitations. But the message in this post is one of a better life, improved relationships and a more resilient business environment.
If you found these ideas helpful and can appreciate the power of bringing a refreshingly honest perspective to your life, please feel free to share this post and encourage your family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to realise that they also possess the potential to introduce profound improvements into their lives. Let’s be a force for positive change in the world. Let’s help everyone to rise above their limitations and enjoy greater levels of freedom, happiness, inner calm and success in all areas of their lives.
Together, we really can make the world a better place.
Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.
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