Understanding Inter-generational Stress: The Snowflakes vs The Icebergs

By David Ehrenthal and Carin-Isabel Knoop

“Hi, I’m an iceberg. Nice to meet you. By what label do you go by?” “Oh, thanks for asking, I’m?a snowflake. Nice to meet you, too!”

Surely, we can all agree that stereotyping is ineffective for building trusting, open, and respectful relationships in the workplace. We can’t know and adapt to an individual who presents as a stereotype or whom we perceive through?the lens of?a label.?It?runs counter to our social norms,?it?dehumanizes individuals,?it?manifests bias, and?it?often leads to lost opportunities.?

Stereotyping is a pervasive bad habit in the workplace. The practice—often labeled a “cognitive shortcut”—is particularly relevant today when it comes to how managers view and treat individuals who are categorized as Generation Z (born after 1997), commonly referred to as “GenZers.”?It’s a sport actively practiced today in the workplace.

Members of this generation are sometimes described as “snowflakes”—in part because they are willing to discuss feelings, personal challenges, and wishes more openly and directly. They are also more willing to place boundaries on their time and spirits. As a result, they can be stereotyped as entitled, overly emotional, and unable to engage with opposing opinions.

Pushing that analogy, its main antagonists at home and at work would be GenXers (born between 1965 and 1997), whom we could describe as” icebergs”—growing up among a baby boom, trained to keep feelings and opinions under the?water line, and working hard to present themselves as regal on the surface.?

Gen Xers may feel disheartened by a rapidly changing world and perhaps even jealous and fearful of the invading young Turks who come equipped with advanced digital skills, a penchant for driving social change, and a bundle of energy. When these negative emotions overwhelm them, the Gen X icebergs tend to be less comfortable sharing them with others (perhaps due to an aversion to feelings of vulnerability), and as?a result, they can?“meltdown,”?creating waves of tension in their wake.

This confrontation,?between older generations and Z,?is not driven uniquely by fear or differences in emotional regulation: the stereotypes propagated by old generations also reflect our biology and the energy allocation choices we make in?real-time.

Stereotypes—or oversimplified ideas about?groups that are pejorative--tend to reflect our complaints about them.

And we?complain for a whole host of reasons—it makes us feel superior to those we complain about (pleasing our egos because we would do things so much better), it enables us to bond with others who are also complaining (providing connection and status, which can lead to a tribalistic “us”?vs. “them”?dynamic), or it allows us to vent (letting off steam about family members and fellow citizens who would be so much better if they agreed with us).?

Complaints are not neutral—they come from an internal place but can cause external damage. When others complain about us, it can hurt our feelings, damage our reputations, and demoralize us—or perhaps even worse, lead us to lower ourselves to lower expectations. If less?is assumed?of my character and?my?abilities, why should I rise to the occasion?

Complaining about the young has been a sport eloquently described by Greek philosopher Socrates in this?passage?attributed to him over 2,300 years ago:

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

A Bad Rap?

Most Generation Z stereotypes perpetuated by managers are notably unflattering.?In April 2023, ResumeBuilder.com surveyed 1,344 managers and business leaders?and found?that 74% believe GenZ is more challenging to work with than other generations.?A 2024 survey of 715 hiring managers in the US further reveals these troubling biases. 31% admitted a preference for hiring older workers and avoiding GenZers altogether. Even worse, 6 in 10 consider GenZers “generally unprepared for the workplace.”?A majority of hiring managers view this generational cohort as entitled, overly sensitive to negative feedback, lazy and unmotivated, and lacking effective communication skills.

Needless to say,?this oversimplification reflects blind spots, leading people to ignore the whole individual and dismiss objective facts that might contradict the stereotype. These blind spots are costly for both the GenZers who are at a formative point in their careers, for organizations that could benefit from their talents, and for their colleagues and constituents.

For GenZers, this means being judged by generalities rather than for who they are and what they have the potential to contribute. For organizations, this means missing out on their distinctive attributes: early-career workers over-index in creativity, risk-taking,?and a?willingness to challenge conventional wisdom,?and?optimism. These are all invaluable qualities that create real business value for companies competing in the whitewater rapids of the contemporary marketplace.

With about 4.0 million GenZers entering the labor force each year for the next decade, businesses?will need to?develop more appreciative and objective approaches for harnessing their talents.?And?time is of the essence if we hope to stem the deadweight loss from this behavior: one and three hiring managers have already dismissed this entire group as a lost generation.1

Differences Within

Collaboration in the workplace takes place between individuals. In healthy organizations, colleagues develop trusting and empathic relationships, all to achieve a common goal. Every individual is different, and successful collaboration requires a reciprocal appreciation for how others feel at an individual level and behaviors that demonstrate this mutual understanding. Diversity works when individuals are free to express their thoughts and personalities — when treated through the lens of a stereotype, these?personalities remain below the waterline.

When you introduce yourself to a new colleague,?it’s unlikely you will?say,?“Hi, I’m a Gen Zer. or I’m a Gen Xer.” That’s because you are an individual, not a generational cohort. You have your distinct values and beliefs, intentions, and commitments. These days, however, there’s evidence that older generational cohorts understand GenZers through the lens of a stereotype.?

This?raises an important question: is the Gen Z persona a valuable marker of who an individual is and how they should?be treated?

This?is a testable hypothesis.

Hogan, a leading personality assessment company, evaluated this question. With more than 1 million assessment takers over the last few decades (all volunteers), Hogan tested three factors that potentially impacted the assessment responses: age, generation, and the year the assessment was taken. Responses were to questions related to interpersonal skills, behavior under stress, motivations, values, and preferences.

Hogan’s analysis resoundingly rejects the hypothesis that knowing generational cohort membership is of any real value.?According to the study, birth cohort or generation effects explain 1-2% of response variation, age effects explain 5-10%?of response variation, and time-period effects explain 2-5% of response variation.

Bottom line: individual effects explain the vast majority of the variability in the assessment scores. Using general generational cohort information, therefore, offers negligible information for determining core values, motivations, interests, and relational traits. Using statistical terms, anchoring perceptions, and treating GenZers in stereotypes results in a Type 2 error: accepting the hypothesis when it is not true.

Path of Least Resistance

While most will agree that stereotyping is a bad habit, it can serve an important biological purpose for all of us —it preserves scarce energy. Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize-winning author, explores this depletion-of-energy phenomenon when we engage in “a slower, more deliberate and effortful form of thinking.”?Stereotypes offer us a tempting opportunity for cognitive ease or, put more pejoratively, for “laziness.”?Kahneman coins this “the law of least effort.”??????

Every human being lives with a body budget. This budget is relatively fixed, although eating and sleeping well can expand?it. According to Lisa Feldman Barrett, a renowned neuroscientist, the realities of our body budget impact how we think and behave: our brain “expands its predictive repertoire to include anything that might impact your body?budget,?in order to?meet your body’s metabolic demands.”

Our brain?is designed?to manage our finite body budget,?and?usually, this?means taking shortcuts.?When?faced with?choosing between allocating our energy to our organs or engaging in deep thought, the former usually wins out. When we meet new people, our brain uses concepts to “make sensory signals meaningful,?creating an explanation for?where they come from, what they refer to in the world?and?how to act on them.”?We construct how we experience the world with “constant, rapid, automatic categorization performed constantly by the brain to explain the sensory input we encounter. We use concepts in our brain to categorize the continuous inputs.”2

Running on Cognitive Fumes: Burning Through Human Capital at Work

Let’s?consider a meeting with a 25-year-old. While interacting, we are sure to sense certain traits. When we do, our brain automatically refers us to some category based on our personal experiences up to that moment. Based on these categories, our brain predicts the best way to respond and interact with that individual. If we have a predetermined opinion of a person based on a stereotype, it requires effort to reappraise that opinion.?

However, we are capable of being a little more thoughtful, overriding this “stereotype”?and doing the right thing. Our prefrontal cortex neurons perform the heavy lifting in this process, which, according to neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky, “consume mammoth amounts of energy.”?According to Sapolsky, when the cognitive load is too great and cognitive reserves are depleted, this task becomes more difficult.

Cognitive reappraisal is?a key?to doing the right thing. It entails taking a step back and viewing a provoking event objectively. In the above case with the 25-year-old, it means paying more attention to that individual and objectively considering the signals we’re sending. Taking a shortcut and quickly placing the person in the Gen Z box is tempting because it’s easier.

And there’s an actual cost to the individual and the organization.

The Cost of Acting Fast, Not Thinking at All

Treating GenZers with a negative cognitive bias is costly. While the cost may not be immediately apparent, avoiding this group limits a company’s connection to an emerging segment of customers and the innovative and creative skills this generation offers.?

While every individual is different, this generation was raised in a digital world immersed in many social and economic changes that are expected to persist for years to come. This generation offers businesses a unique and essential perspective that can fuel business renewal.?

Moreover, their over-indexing in optimism, flexibility, access to global knowledge, digital literacy, and comfort with risk-taking are important assets in a rapidly changing and technologically accelerating world. Their commitment to social causes comes when fresh ideas are most needed to solve some of the most intractable challenges of our times.

Inquiry Is More Fruitful

We?all?can reappraise the stereotypes that emerge in our brains and see an individual for who they are. It certainly takes a little effort to challenge our assumptions about an individual and explore the whole person. By choosing to do so, we free ourselves to discover who the person is, how they will fit into our organization, and?how talents and interests can be integrated and aligned.?

Appreciative inquiry is a conceptual framework leaders can use to focus less on what needs to be fixed and more on the core strengths of an individual and an organization. When managers focus on what’s different about a Gen Zer based on stereotypes or observed behavior,?individual strengths can be overlooked, and organizations miss out on potential business value, particularly in times of rapid change when creativity and innovation are essential for growth and survival.

By slowing down our thinking and opening our senses, we build the trust necessary to see the talent hiding below the water line. And when we do, an individual’s intentions, commitments, and values will emerge—and we will ours.

Self-Reflection

GenZers will reshape the workforce for the foreseeable future, and inter-generational tension will likely persist. Managers, therefore, will need to add inter-generational awareness to their leadership playbooks.?They should also remember that while "icebergs" and "snowflakes" may present as totally different—but just as they are made of the same elements, individuals of all generations share common humanity and aspirations—to be respected and not dismissed.

1.???? Do you catch yourself relying on stereotypes or labels when interacting with colleagues from different generations? Why do you think that is and what does it reflect about your frustrations at work?

2.???? What steps can you take to challenge and overcome these biases?

3.???? Can you think back to an instance of intergenerational misunderstanding? What could the parties have done differently?

4.???? Can you think back of a time you felt you were being stereotyped. How did that make you feel? Why did that happen?

5.???? When you engage with a Gen Zer, how might you adapt your communications?

6.???? What clues might you have about the strengths your Gen Z employees bring to the table?

7.???? What clues might you have about the interests of your Gen Z employees?

8.???? In a world where every employee wants to matter and have impact, how can you make this be true for your Zer’s?

?About the Authors

David Ehrenthal is a leadership and career coach and founder of Mach10 Career & Leadership Coaching. David can be reached at [email protected].

Carin-Isabel Knoop is Executive Director at Harvard Business School and co-author of Compassionate Management of Mental Health in the Modern Workplace. Carin can be reached at [email protected].

1

National Population by Characteristic, 2020-23, US Vintage 2023, US Census Bureau

2

How Emotions are Made, Lisa Feldman Barrett