10 Ways Leaders Understand Humanity Behind Effective Use of Humor

Humor should be fun. It does have some caveats. That means people fear it.

It's real. I get it. However, humor is our human superpower. That doesn't mean rules of the road don't apply for avoiding accidents. They do.

We shouldn't fear it. Humor is about being human, being imperfect and connecting. And yes, sometimes even improvisers and comedians can make mistakes. Hey, even oxygen only has a 94% approval rating.

Let's take a beat. Most people want to connect, to lift not divide. Which is great - because that is humor at its very best.

Instead of fearing it - and in my experience, most people never cross the boundaries - let's look at ways use it that are low-risk. Yes, nothing is risk-free. Neither are hot dogs that smell funny at your local convenience store.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't use it because it is important.

Here are a few things to think about at work - for leaders at every level.

So what do we do at work and in business? Avoid making fun of people. People are human. Humor that lifts does so because it recognizes the humanity of all of us.

Image Source: rawpixel.com

SO if you are going to use humor effectively (low-risk), keep in mind these things:

1. People are human. Use your own experiences. You are the driver here. And behind everything are humans with feelings, just like you. And me.

2. Even better, use your experiences as the baseline for universal experiences. Humor is about the truth - the truth of your experience. The universal is found in the specifics: parenthood, feeling awkward, overwhelm, fear, elation, being a nerd...things people can relate to. Introverted? Great - talk about that. Extroverted? Talk about that. When you start with you and your experiences, people will connect. Affiliative humor is humor that lifts people up and builds relationships - that is what we want here. Start with YOUR TRUTH.

Here's *my* truth about being a woman exec in tech for over 15 years...I have yet to meet an audience who can't laugh at the undeniable truth of that.

3. Poke fun at awkward or tough situations and our human responses to it. Today, few of us even know how to shake hands or act in the office in a COVID world. We all feel that. That's a human situation.

4. Never punch down at marginalized groups. EVER. PERIOD. Avoid mean-spiritedness. People know and just don't (see the next point).

5. Don't aim humor at others. Risky. Yes, there are exceptions such as roasts and handling hecklers when you are onstage. Even comedians can get it wrong sometimes. Since most people aren't comics - just don't. You don't have to go there - you probably won't experience those situations. Most people at work won't. When you aim it at others - experiences, looks, etc. - it comes off mean-spirited. Unnecessary and it doesn't add anything. It's cheap. Even when it's your friends at work - in a group that is not in your 'inner circle' - you don't have the relationship, credibility and trust to do so. Making fun of someone's appearance is tricky territory. If it's an inside joke with a friend and you have high trust; keep it there. Appearance is also a superficial lazy thing to poke fun at - unless you are doing it for yourself. Get dressed in the dark? Got 2 different colored socks and everyone notices? Fine. Go there.

6. Avoid sarcasm. In comedy we call it the lowest form of humor. Why? Because 99% of sarcasm is negative and it's easy. And because there are very few exceptions of positive sarcasm (it exists - it's like a unicorn) and most comedians don't pull it off that well either - it's high-risk for very little payoff. It's not clever. It requires no sense of humor and no skill. That's the problem. It might be funny once in a while; here's the thing it's also very easy to be cynical and it's easy to misinterpret sarcasm as it requires no filter, no humor writing and no real effort. Be careful. Humor requires trust and if people don't know you - you come off as a real negative person. Do you like being around sarcastic people all day? Once in a while, sure. All day? No. Cynicism is an easy default. Great humor has a positive element.

7. Self-deprecation is a charged thing. Women do this way too often and even though it doesn't mean women lack confidence, it's too easily misinterpreted. Yes, once in a while - like when you make a mistake. And when you have high-status. When you don't have high-status and trust, it lands differently. If you are going to use it, use sparingly AND make sure you don't use your business acumen as the punchline. Instead - have a laugh at something not related to your area of expertise. I am not a gardener. I have no green thumb. Just ask the rose bush that died in my front yard. To be fair, the aphids got it. Again....What do I know about roses?

8. Be playful and light-hearted. When you are playful, you respond to situations with fun and curiosity. I'll say this forever: humor is not about jokes. It's bigger. It's about levity and embracing a lighter side. Jokes is just one small aspect of humor.

9. Always be learning. Nothing is risk-free. It doesn't mean you should avoid it from fear. Humor is your human card. Use it wisely. If you make a mistake, apologize.

Image Source: rawpixel.com

10. Leaders - make sure you model that good positive humor. And while certain things shouldn't be allowed - punching down, meanness, cheap shots - most people won't ever cross that line. Most of the time it will be innocent. Make it safe for people to try and learn from honest mistakes. Create a culture where good humor is nurtured and encouraged. Openly talk about what works and what is ok.

Anyway...

People are human. They have feelings. They have experiences. Sometimes you can do all these things and still someone doesn't like it. Understand that humor is not exact. It's part art.

Following these guidelines will minimize risk, not 100% eliminate it. There is no such thing.

Ask yourself this, "Does this come at the expense of another person?" If no, great. If yes, then don't. Most people aren't trying to hurt others.

There are so many 'don'ts' and I don't want to do that. The more don'ts we give, the more fear we create. Use playfulness and curiosity with humor and you are so much less likely to get it wrong.

We need humor. The answer isn't fear. It's curiosity and playfulness. That rarely goes wrong.

Humor is just too important to trust, leadership, communications and relationships to fear.

What do you think?

?*******************************************

I am on a mission to help people unlock their natural humor and inner improviser for their own personal and professional transformation. Humor is bigger than you think!

An ex-tech marketing / communications exec who led teams for 16 years and an improviser and stand-up comedian for over 24 years, today I use improvisation and stand-up comedy techniques to transform leaders, especially women leaders and brands and teams who work with them, into impactful human communicators who show up, speak up, and story tell playfully and powerfully so they can change their worlds (via my Brave Bold Story and Comedy bootcamps). I am a keynote speaker, Founder of Keeping it Human? and Author of "Stop Boring Me!" I still perform and teach stand-up comedy and improv. My 13 yro used to laugh at my jokes. Now I just knock on his bedroom door, throw red meat in, and run!

From Silicon Valley / Stanford to Second City and Stages beyond - I (and you) have a story to tell and humor is human AF.

You can follow my posts at #humorforchange

#humor?#communication?#leadership?#storytelling?#humorforchange?#oscars2022 #leadership #humorisleadership #keepingithuman #humorintheworkplace