Understanding The Four Tendencies with Gretchen Rubin

It's been a busy week. Even as we got a definitive answer in the presidential election, the coronavirus rages. I was feeling a bit sick on Monday, so I queued up at a local diagnostic center and got tested myself. Luckily, the test was a negative. Even as I waited in line, however, I felt thankful to have access to a rapid test so that I could make some fast decisions. Back in the summer, I waited 15 days for results. Now, I only had to wait 15 minutes. I guess that's what you call progress in 2020. Here's what I learned Even thought it's scary, if you feel unwell, get tested ASAP. If you're sick, you need to know it and if you're not, you'll just feel relieved.

If you caught the last two episodes of FOMO Sapiens, and I hope you did, then you know that finding a guest who can follow the great Jay Shetty is no small task.  But….I gotta tell you, I think I found the perfect person.  And that person is Gretchen Rubin (head over to the FOMO Sapiens website to listen there or link to Spotify or iTunes).  

Now you may know her from her smash books like The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies or you might know her from her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. If you don’t know Gretchen's work, however, then you’re about to meet one of the smarter people walking around on the planet.  Gretchen is  - as we say in my home state of Maine – wicked smart, with degrees from Yale and Yale Law School. But beyond all those degrees, she’s the best kind of smart of all – she’s smart about how to live your life in a way that actually makes you happy.  Easier said than done, I know, but Gretchen widely recognized as a leading authority on the matter. 

When we spoke, it was quickly clear to me that there is good reason why Gretchen's sold millions of books all over the world.  She talks about how to live better in a way that isn’t fluffy, it’s practical.  And it makes sense.  

In our discussion, Gretchen and I talked about a topic that is a personal challenge for me and from what you tell me, a lot of you too. Here's what I struggle with: How do you uphold the commitments you make to yourself and to others, whether it’s losing those ten pounds or working on that new business idea or finishing that project for your boss?  If you struggle to get things done or feel like you spend all your time crossing off someone else’s to do list rather than your own, then you’re going to get a lot out what Gretchen has to say.

Here's how she describes this framework on her site:

• "We all face two kinds of expectations—outer expectations (meet work deadlines, answer a request from a friend) and inner expectations (keep a New Year’s resolution, start meditating). Our response to expectations determines our 'Tendency'—that is, whether we fit into the category of Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel."
• "Knowing our Tendency can help us set up situations in the ways that make it more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others."
• "Just as important, knowing other people’s Tendencies helps us to work with them more effectively. Managers, doctors, teachers, spouses, and parents already use the framework to help people reduce conflict and make significant, lasting change."

Want to learn more? You can take a quiz to find out where you fit into The Four Tendencies here.  I took mine and I'm an Obliger. What are you? Let me know in the comments.