Understanding & Dealing with Difficult People

There are many different types of difficult people out there. It's inevitable that we are going to work with them, live with them, or maybe even be married to them. Here are 4 main types of difficult people:

1. The Downers: Also known as “Debbie downers” or the gripers. They always have something negative to say 2. The Passives: These people never offer ideas or let you know where you stand with them. 3.The Dictators/ Tanks: These are the bullies, constantly demanding and brutally critical, it has to be there way. 4. Better Thans also are known as "Know It Alls, One Uppers or Show-Offs". They like to try impressing you, name-dropping and comparing.

These people are everywhere & at times we can even be the difficult ones ourselves. So what do you do if you have a person in your life who is difficult? Here are some tips:

• Stay Calm & Be proactive: The more you can take some deep breaths, stop & think about your response (even walk away for a bit if you need to) will help you handle them with clearer judgment and composure. Being Reactive will only escalate the situation
• Don’t try to change them: We often encourage or try to convince the “downers” to be more positive, passives to stand up for themselves, or the dictators to calm down, but this actually makes those behaviors worse. While you may not agree with someone’s way of seeing the world, we can’t change them, only they can change them. 
• Build Rapport & Have Generous Assumptions: There are lots of reasons why people are the way they are. Try to understand and get to know them. Often times, when we get to know someone’s story we can understand why they are that way. Assuming something negative about a person (i.e like they have negative intentions) only hurts you. If you get to know the “dictator” you may realize that they just like to share their opinion so just listening and not responding works. Separate the person from the behavior.
• Have Boundaries & Don’t Let Them Be Toxic: Toxic people can be passive-aggressive, mean, emotionally or verbally abusive and hurtful. If you have to deal with these types of behaviors, It’s important to establish clear boundaries for yourself. You can still try and understand where they are coming from, and then keep your distance. Toxic relationships are harmful. 

Ultimately, we are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Having good emotional intelligence allows you to observe your own feelings an the feelings of others without judgment. This will help you navigate yourself and others. 

2020 Mandy Morris, LPC

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