Forget Work-Life Balance. Strive for This Instead.

Sometime last year I was talking to my teenage son about his part time job. He had a few weeks under his belt and made some good relationships with his coworkers. In our conversation he mentioned a discussion he had with one of them. This is how I remember it: “Dad, one of my coworkers asked me what I was going to do on my day-off. So I said ‘what do you mean day-off?’ He looked at me puzzled and said ‘your day-off work’. I shook my head and said ‘you mean my life? I don’t have days off work, I have a life and work happens to be a part of it.’”

I was taken back by the depth of that comment. He’s only 19 and has already articulated a theory that took me decades to understand. “I have a life and work happens to be a part of it”. Initially the phrase seems like a simple concept, like striving for a work-life balance. But to understand the nature of it, we need to dig a little deeper.

First off when I thought about what exactly my son was saying, I realized it wasn’t about maintaining a work-life balance. He was talking about keeping harmony between the things in his life. The phrase work-life balance was first coined in the 1970s highlighting the importance of finding equilibrium between work and personal life. It acknowledges that work is not the sole aspect of a person's existence and that juggling work responsibilities with personal lives, including family, relationships, and leisure activities are equally essential for overall well-being and happiness.

Wanting a work-life balance isn’t a bad thing. We all know that. But over time we’ve blurred the lines of what balance truly is. Our 21st century idea of work-life balance is about keeping all things equal. For example, on average we work 40 hours a week, over 5 days. And then the weekend comes and what happens? We try to cram as much as possible into 2 days (2 ? days if you count Friday nights), disregarding our nutrition, sleep schedule and mental/emotional capacity just to feel that we haven’t wasted our time off from work. The rationale is, we’ve worked for 40 hours, so now let’s see how much of that time we can get back.

We absolutely need clear boundaries between work and personal life in order to recharge over the weekend and mentally prepare for the workweek. But are we miss managing that time? According to sleep expert Dr. Michael J. Breus, not having an awareness of late-night social events, levels of alcohol consumption, or taking on physically demanding activities during the weekend can leave us feeling fatigued and drained on Monday morning.?

"Intense weekend activities can deplete your energy reserves, making it difficult to bounce back on Monday. The discrepancy between your body’s natural weekly sleep schedule, and your weekend social schedule is known as social jetlag. The worse your social jetlag, the higher your likelihood of depression. When your sleep schedule varies from weekdays to weekends, it disrupts your circadian rhythm. Your circadian rhythm is best known for managing your sleep-wake cycle, but it also helps regulate a whole host of biological functions, from your energy and body temperature to your appetite and metabolism."

Essentially, our goal of work-life balance becomes imbalanced because we neglect to create true harmony within our lives. But what does harmony look like??

Imagine buying 5 oranges from the market. Now think about what it would be like to carry them home while juggling them! Even if you’re able to consistently juggle a few, eventually you'll drop some, and trying to stop them would cause others to drop as well. At best walking home would be awkward and uncomfortable. Now think about carrying them in a bag or sack and how much easier that would be. Just reading the difference between the first and the second scenario reduced your stress level. That’s what harmony looks like.?

Practically speaking, to juggle is to toss the orange in the air while simultaneously preparing to catch another one. With 5 oranges and only 2 hands you’re hoping the other 3 oranges are on track to be where you expect them to be in order to keep the balance going. On the other hand (no pun!) carrying the 5 oranges in a bag creates a synergetic ‘bunch’ between them and at no time do you feel out of control or out of rhythm. Everything is where it needs to be in order for you to keep walking on your journey. The example may be overly simplistic but it shows how work-life harmony is more beneficial and realistically achievable than work-life balance.?

My partner Kamshuka, a well-known author, speaker and life coach, specializes in helping her clients understand and incorporate the idea of work-life harmony. She says it’s important we begin deconstructing the myth of work-life balance. “Balance is the difficult art of partnering with pressure in constant motion. When we replace balance with harmony we are giving ourselves the grace to adjust our own expectations”. Sometimes trying to maintain balance is based on external motivations, how we are viewed by others. Seeking harmony is personally motivated by what will benefit us holistically.

Sometimes trying to maintain balance is based on external motivations, how we are viewed by others. Seeking harmony is personally motivated by what will benefit us holistically.

For example we often say yes to many things we should probably reconsider. Whether it's a family event that may run late over the weekend or an optional work project that would be a good look on us if we participate, even if it means extra hours in the office. Work-life harmony doesn’t necessarily mean saying no to both examples because let face it, these events may be important to us. It means reconsidering how we can participate while still maintaining personal boundaries that won’t allow other areas of our life to be affected. Go to the family event being mindful of what you eat, drink and how late you stay. Be a part of that work project with a clear understanding to everyone of how much time you’re willing to give to it. Your response to both may not be popular, but that’s the point. Only you know what you need to do or not do in order to drive work-life harmony, which is blending work and personal activities in a way that creates a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction without strict trade-offs.

Striving for work-life harmony will take time to develop. Using concepts I’ve written about in the past like Job Crafting and Having a Creative Outlet can help you get started. Our Ultimate goal of wanting work-life harmony should be about considering our personal well-being, which is to get as far away from experiencing the emotional highs and lows when moving between our work life and our freetime.?

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Sheldon Barrocks is an author, freelance writer, and Award-winning Supply Chain professional. Since 2010 he has published articles covering business, career advancement, creativity, pop culture, music, fashion, sports, and more. He's provided creative solutions for major brands like Mars, Kelloggs, General Mills, Conagra, B&G Foods, Ingredion, Henkel, and more. Check out his book Unstuck Mondays and join his mailing list to level up your creativity and career!?