Understanding Criticism and Feedback

Criticism is good

Nobody likes to be told that something they have slaved over for days didn’t quite hit the mark. And even if you know some of your work probably deserved some extra love, criticism always stings.

So, what’s the deal with criticism?

Is it a necessary evil for effective communication and professional growth, or is it merely someone else’s way of feeling better about themselves?

The skill with which you communicate less- than –favourable feedback on someone’s work could mean the difference between breaking a colleague.

It’s the conversation you have with your boss / partner / children / client where the criticism is sandwiched in between the “bread” of an introductory and concluding set of positive comments.

Before we determine the how to do something, we should first determine why we’re doing it. What is the goal?

With the feedback sandwich, I rather doubt the objective has been to deliver well-deserved accolades, balanced with a healthy dose of approbation.

No, in the vast majority of instances the reverse is surely true: we have a criticism we need to convey, but we try to make it more palatable with the complimentary breading.

Is this a problem?

You bet it is, if the goal was to deliver effective feedback designed to improve the person’s performance and improve business.

So what to do?

On one hand, we know that feedback and criticism affect individuals much more powerfully than does praise.

Yet on the other hand, if our goals are appropriate- improved performance, growing an entrepreneurial relationship, increased business – and then it is imperative that the effective feedback is conveyed in a constructive, undiluted manner.

It has proven an incredibly elusive balance, and that’s a major problem in the personal and professional lives of countless folks.

Maintaining a Successful Relationship

There is a plethora of wonderful guidance out there on how to deal with difficult people, how to handle crucial conversations, and how to navigate those prickly moments of giving or receiving criticism.

But most of the guidance is missing one key ingredient: everything that has gone into the recipe of the relationship up to that point matters when it comes to effective feedback.

If a relationship is to be truly successful, if criticism is to be effectively delivered and received, and if behaviour, performance and productivity are to improve, it requires an authentic and mutual commitment from both parties.  

Once we understand why giving and receiving criticism is so hard, and once we determine appropriate, clear goals, we may set about devising strategies  which will not only alleviate much of the difficulty, but will enable our personal and professional relationships and productivity to soar.

In a perfect world, the goal of giving or receiving effective feedback is to arrive at the best solution to a problem.

Now sometimes, there may be more fundamental issues to address first, or at the very least some parties may need to go cool down first.

You may be thinking, there are differences between personal and professional relationships, and this is true.

But I submit to you that even in your personal relationships, being able to calm down and truly assess goals is every bit as important, maybe more so. If we may agree that revenge is not the most productive of goals, then we might now consider some healthier alternatives.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.  

Thank you …Strategies for giving and receiving

Be direct.

Tie criticism to performance goals and your company mission. If you’re giving criticism in a personal relationship, be all the more certain not to make it about the person’s shortcomings. Rather, express how much you care for them by making your feedback about behaviours and your authentic desire for the relationship to improve.

Be solution-focused.

Both parties should self-critique on an ongoing basis. At any time, an employee should be able to express her own views of areas of improvement (as well as strengths), and her supervisor should also be unafraid to acknowledge imperfection or mistakes.

Get out of your emotional brain. If at all possible, don’t deliver the criticism when one or both parties are in a heightened emotional state.

Choose the right words and focus on behaviour.

Keep an open mind! Like many of these tips, this applies to both people. The person on the receiving end needs to be open to the criticism.

Meanwhile, the person delivering the effective feedback should always remain open to the possibility that there is information or a side to the story they may not have considered.

Be time-sensitive. Delaying the criticism for any reason – other than the possible need to let passions cool – runs the risk of losing its resonance.

Don’t save it for later, when you’ve finally summoned the nerve to dump a laundry-list of feedback on the other person in an out-of-date context.

It’s OK to share some positives, but if you’re sharing a sandwich, go light on the bread!

Don’t dilute the criticism which must be conveyed by sneaking it in quickly between thick layers of praise.

Don’t get me wrong: ongoing praise and positive feedback should be a fundamental strategy for everyone.

I am just cautioning you not to lose the criticism by burying it too deep in the feedback sandwich.

Want to add word or two?

It is important to remember there is no panacea, no one size-fits-all approach for dealing with challenging issues such as giving and receiving effective feedback and criticism

Very few people can take criticism graciously. For most of us, being criticized is uncomfortable at best--de-stabilizing (or even devastating) at worst. The ability to take criticism in stride, it seems, is almost universally elusive.

We all need to feel good about ourselves, so the moment someone judges us negatively any doubts we may yet have about ourselves can immediately catapult to the surface.

And, to be ruthlessly honest, which one of us doesn't harbor certain deep-seated doubts about our worth, goodness, competence, or attractiveness?

Your comment ….?

Who among us can't relate to her reaction? Criticism is by definition something no one wants to hear.

At best, it's annoying; at worst, it may seem to threaten our identity, even our very survival. Is there any right way to say it, or to hear it?

Negative feedback is essential for negotiating life and social relations.

Despite the feel-good mantra of current self-improvement manuals, much of our growth and development depends on interactions and other experiences that feel bad.

Criticism has a hallowed role in nearly every area of human endeavour.

Learning relies in large part on recognizing (then analysing and fixing) our mistakes.

In schools and universities we pay people to point them out to us. At sporting events, coaches spew diatribes-cum-feedback from the side-lines.

Performance reviews are a fact of life in the work world, and spouses regularly conduct their own none-too-flattering reviews of each other. Parenting can likewise become a negative feedback loop.

"I hate you" may not be constructive criticism, but it is information nonetheless.

In fact, so much of our learning, loving, and living depends on negative feedback that you'd think people would be good at it by now.

Instead, criticism almost always feels clumsy, hostile, and extraordinary, even to the person delivering it.

Employees and managers alike say they hate performance reviews.

Spouses pay counsellors to help them speak difficult truths to each other. Parents stifle disapproval rather than risk displeasing their kids.

Friends and lovers go out of their way to avoid "confrontation," which is what negative feedback can too easily become.

In our society, we're not trained in either giving or getting criticism, and we're remarkably incompetent at understanding how we affect other people. Consequently, negative feedback is very, very difficult to do well.