Understanding the creative power of opposites

Dear Rethinkers,

Is there a book or idea that has made you think?differently?about a fundamental part of yourself?

Until I read Quiet by?Susan Cain , I didn't understand how much being an introvert shaped how I experienced and showed up in the world.

Ten years ago, I was traveling all over the place talking about the ideas from my first book,?What's Mine is Yours. My life had come to?exist in a constant state of duality. As a public face for this new idea the media had called the “sharing economy,” I was on and off planes, in and out of media interviews, and I lost count of the number of organizations I'd given talks to. (I also had a six-month-old son in tow.) It's bonkers when I think about it now.

Sitting in yet another airport, my tank running on empty, I wandered into a bookstore and picked up a copy of?Quiet. I couldn't put it down. I kept nodding my head in wonder and thinking: "So that's why I feel like that!"

An introverted extrovert

I started to understand why I felt a deep sense of calm on the stage (you're alone up there!) but dreaded a work dinner or, even worse, a packed party. And how much?energy?I spent trying to live up to the extrovert ideal in my life.

Reading?Quiet?led to a release that can come from profoundly accepting who you truly are — and started to give me an understanding of how life can be a delicate balance of dualities.

Why is duality so important for wellbeing and creativity?

Duality is a state of having two different or opposite parts. It’s all around us. The relationship between major and minor in music. Honey jalape?o pickle ice cream (there?is?such a thing!). The love-hate tension in romance stories. It’s the contrasts of our world and human nature — head and heart, peace and war, lightness and darkness, positive and negative, sorrow and joy, are all dualities.

I’ve been thinking about how understanding dualities could change the way we?work and create. It could improve personal and team dynamics — as well as supporting inclusion and wellbeing. Yet, it’s not a word I hear often in workplaces.

Permission to be yourself

Someone who deeply understands dualities is?Susan Cain . The concept is at the heart of the?tension?between introversion and extroversion, and her latest book coming out in April called?Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole . It’s stunning; a rethink must-read!

When I started making my new podcast,?Rethink Moments , I reached out to Susan to see if she’d want to?join me ?to record an episode. I was delighted when she said “Yes!” I was curious to understand the bridge between?Quiet and Bittersweet ?and if she saw her work through the lens of?duality.

LISTEN? to the latest Rethink Moments episode with Susan here:

When I started making my new podcast,?Rethink Moments , I reached out to Susan to see if she’d want to?join me ?to record an episode. I was delighted when she said “Yes!” I was curious to understand the bridge between?Quiet and Bittersweet ?and if she saw her work through the lens of?duality.

We spoke about many things, including misconceptions, and the power of boundaries. The heart of our conversation is a powerful question:?How does a deep acceptance of who we are, give us permission to show up differently?

But what I really took away from the?conversation ?was how we can?embrace?sometimes-opposing ideas — such as introversion and extroversion, bitter and sweet — to help shape our own unique creative offerings.

A few key takeaways:

- Life is a constant?state of?multitudes and dualities. Thinking in dualities is more nuanced and powerful than clear-cut categories and labels.

- Most of us are actually “ambiverts” — people who have both?introverted and extroverted?tendencies.

- The biggest misconception about introversion is that it's the same as?shyness, ?which is rooted in?fear of social judgement, or "Caring just a little too much of what people might think, or you're a little bit too worried of your place in the social hierarchy," explains Susan.

- Her latest work, Bittersweet, explores how birth and death, life and death, sorrow and joy are?forever paired. To be happier and healthier we need to embrace our darker emotions — as well as the light.

- Susan’s definition of introversion is based on where you get your?energy?from or how you respond to stimulation in different environments.

My?Rethink Moment

It took Susan?seven years?to research and write Quiet. I found this discovery almost a relief (!). How, when she is on such a long creative journey, does she trust herself enough to know that she’s traveling in the right direction? She described the process of figuring out how to present ideas as similar to creating and solving a gigantic jigsaw puzzle. And that takes a long time.

“I am answering a question and expressing ideas that I have felt deeply in my soul from the time I was very, very young. So, it’s not like I’m questioning myself at that level. I just know these things to be true when I’m writing.”?— Susan Cain

Listen ?and share

I absolutely?love?to hold these types of discussions and am so grateful to Susan for joining.

Thank you also to all of you listening to the?Rethink Moments ?podcast. I want this to be a two-way conversation so if you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas, or want to share anything that has been inspired by these conversations,?please share?in the comments below. (Tag them then #rethinkmoments on this post, and then I’ll be able to respond.)

If you enjoyed?listening , I’d love it if you’d?rate,?review, or?subscribe?to the show.

Keep rethinking…