Understanding the 5 Types of Conflict
Simon Goode
Mediator & Conflict Resolution Expert | Workshop Facilitator | Speaker | MBA, B Psych, Grad Dip Dispute Resolution, Cert IV Training & Assessment
When you’re in the middle of conflict it can feel like you’re stuck, that everything is grid-locked and it can seem like there isn’t any path forward for things to improve. This is often a pretty uncomfortable and stressful place to be, and over time can be quite exhausting. Understanding the different types of conflict as well as the different conflict drivers, can help us develop options for responding strategically. When we systematically explore the possible causes of conflict it can help to develop and refine possible courses of action that we could consider.???
The 5 Types of Conflict model can be helpful in situations where you are directly involved in the conflict, whether this is you personally or in your role for an organisation or other party. It can also be very useful in situations where you are supporting other people in conflict whether you are in the middle of two people or parties or you are just supporting one of them who is in conflict with someone else.?
One of the mistakes people make when dealing with conflict is assuming that all kinds of conflict are the same. In reality each situation will have different factors contributing to it. Even if the conflict involves a single person or party, there might be a number of interconnected issues going on that are underlying conflict. These issues can then manifest as symptoms of the problem even when they are ultimately caused by some hidden factor.?
When people assume that there is just a single, generic type of ‘conflict’, it means that they tend to take a single, generic response. The problem with this is that it might not fit what is needed to resolve the issue. To make things worse, if they continue pushing the same approach (for example, repeating the same facts about why the other person is wrong, or repeating their own needs), it’s not likely to help. In fact what sometimes happens is that relationships continue to go downhill, even despite a genuine effort to save the relationship.?
There are a number of different models for analysing conflict, but one that many people find helpful is outlined in Christpher Moore’s book, ‘The Mediation Process’. I recommend the latest version of the book which has a significantly more complex version of this model, but for people who want a simple to understand model I usually refer to an earlier version which included five types of conflict.?
In this article, I explain what the difference is between the five types as well as how we can use this information to respond below. Just to note, I use a slightly different interpretation for each than Moore but the underlying principles are the same.?
The five different types of conflict are:
Relationship Conflict
For me, the easiest way to think about Relationship Conflict is when you have friends or a couple/family staying at your house for a week or two. For the first few days, everything is awesome - the jokes are all funny, you’ve got good stories to tell because you haven't seen each other for a long time etc.?
However, by around day four or five, the jokes… just aren’t as funny. You’ve heard the stories now multiple times and, in fact, when you think about it, that other couple is starting to become pretty annoying! Can’t they just put their plate in the dishwasher instead of leaving it on the sink for you to do? Can’t they turn lights off after themselves when they leave a room??
Of course, after you have a moment to reflect, all of these things are really non-issues and you’re glad to have people you care about in your life. These moments though are signs of relationship conflict developing.?
Relationship Conflict can occur when you start to push each other’s buttons or communication starts to break down. This could be caused by misunderstandings in communication, it could be clashing personality types that need different things (an introvert just needs a quiet afternoon while someone else wants to chat and have a drink etc.).?
It might be because of the context and factors like short staffing and people being exhausted, or a lot of pressure for a task, difficult clients stress etc. In all of these situations misunderstanding and overwhelm are much more likely than if things were more stable and manageable.?
The thing about Relationship Conflict is that it can also be the tip of the iceberg for the other four kinds of conflict. As such, it is often beneficial to start with the other areas before coming back to Relationship Conflict. Having a team building activity isn’t going to help if there is an issue with one member of the team speaking about others behind their back (Values Conflict) or a client expects work included in the payment they’ve made, you expect additional payments but you’ve never clarified this (Data Conflict).?
In situations where the driver for conflict is Relationship Conflict, then one way to think about a response is that the opposite of what caused the problem might be the solution. For example, if the situation is that you’ve spent too much time together, it would be helpful to spend some time apart. Many people experienced this during covid, which led to issues because it was easy to think that someone else was the problem, not the fact that you’d been trapped together in lockdown for a year.?
Data Conflict
Data Conflict is often a helpful place to start as this is a factor in many conflict situations. It is important to make sure you’re working from the same facts and deal with misunderstanding or confusion where needed before you start to look at options and solutions.?
Data Conflict is caused by each party working from different sets of data or looking at the same data differently. Misunderstandings like someone forgetting they have agreed to something, ambiguous clauses in contracts, disagreements about who is responsible for fixing an issue are all examples of Data Conflict. If a client didn’t pay an invoice and Data Conflict is the cause, then it could be because they didn’t realise when it was due, didn’t know how to pay, did realise the amount due etc. This could be because they haven’t read the contract properly, or there was a problem with the contract or perhaps they think you have agreed to something else by email.?
Other examples of Data Conflict include staff disputes because they haven’t read the position descriptions thoroughly; issues can come up when work contracts aren’t understood; people have different expectations in terms of work relationships and communication etc. When you’re working in a busy context or dealing with people who are managing stress then it’s very easy for Data Conflict to come up. The good news is that it is also one of the straightforward types of conflict to resolve, even though this doesn’t necessarily mean that it is always easy.?
If you think that Data Conflict is occuring, then the best first path is to get clear on the data by finding the cause of the issue and solving this. Important here is separating the person from the problem. For example, reminding the client that the invoice is due would be a better first step than threatening them. A follow up could be something like making sure they understand the payment schedule before moving forward to the next stage of the project and maybe clearly explaining to them the consequences if another milestone payment is missed.?
What is important is getting on the same page in terms of expectations - what has been agreed to, what do you expect from the other party and what do they expect from you. This might involve going back to the contract/email/notes from the meeting and explaining your perspective on things and asking for theirs. If there isn’t any objective data to go back to, then you can decide whether to compromise, just be accommodating (agree to what the other person is asking for) or be assertive and firm in your position.?
It is important to note that it is possible to focus too much on Data Conflict. As I’m writing this article, my wife just came into my office complaining about some tradies who have left their truck partially blocking the driveway (a pet peeve of hers). She was annoyed and asked me, “WHY do they even need to park there - just go forward a TINY bit!”. Me providing data explaining that I think it’s because they wanted to bring stuff into the house easier so they wanted to be near the middle of the driveway didn’t help. Similarly, repeatedly explaining to a client that ‘it’s in the contract’ isn’t going to get you very far if the client has a pattern of not paying any of their suppliers. This would be better dealt with in other ways (e.g. asking the client to explain the reason for the missed payment).?
A final point about Data Conflict: when it becomes clear there is a difference in perspective, that is you both have a different interpretation of the same situation, it is important to deal with this respectfully and tactfully if you want the relationship to be positive moving forward. It is surprisingly difficult for people to change their mind, even about relatively minor things (e.g. how a dishwasher should be loaded). In some situations you might need to plant the seeds of and give them time and space to develop. Asking the right questions is also an essential tool in encouraging another person to stumble upon facts that prompt them to reconsider their perspective.??
If you can’t clarify the data, you will need to decide how to respond. Depending on the situation you might:
These could all be appropriate options depending on the situation and a lot of people don’t consider these and just default back to ‘agreeing to disagree’ when maybe is it something important and they should have stood their ground in retrospect.?
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If you decide to be assertive, you can still be firm without being harsh or aggressive. Phrasing like the following can help: “I know how long and complicated these contracts are, so it’s not surprising you missed that section. As you can see, it does say that we aren’t responsible for that extra work. We can make the changes if you like, but the cost will increase”. This would be likely to elicit a different reaction to, “Look, there’s nothing we can do! I’ve sent you a copy of the contract and on page 38 it says that you need to pay for this. You’ve signed it, so it’s your problem to deal with!”*
Interest Conflict
Interest Conflict is caused by two people or groups who are competing for the same thing. The natural tension between a client wanting a service as cheaply as possible and a business needing to make a profit to survive is a great example of this. It can also happen at smaller scales, such as when two people are competing for something (or wanting to avoid something). When a team leader resigns, conflict is more likely between two team members who both want to be promoted to the same vacant role. Interest Conflict can also happen when people want to avoid the same thing. For example, conflict can happen between staff in an organisation who all want to avoid dealing with a particularly difficult customer or issue.
When you are dealing with interest conflict, the best strategy is to name it and then set up a solution-focussed conversation. Naming the issues involves describing the situation in a neutral and mutual way. This could be something like, “I’m not sure if you’re considering applying for the Team Leader role or not. I’m still giving it some thought but whatever happens, I don’t want it to cause issues between us. What’s your take on it all?” You could do this more or less formally depending on the context and relationship.?
With a client, the same approach can be taken. For example, “It sounds like you were hoping you could make that change to the project without any additional costs as we’ve done that previously. At the same time, because of the amount of work involved, it is something we will need to charge for if you do decide to proceed. Ultimately, it’s up to you? so could we organise a time to go through a few options and the costs involved so we’re all on the same page?”. From there, you can decide whether to take a softer or harder position but often other helpful solutions come up through the process of discussing the issues in this future-focussed way.?
Values Conflict
Values Conflicts have different causes to Interest Conflict, but the way to respond is somewhat similar. Values Conflict might be caused by significant beliefs or perspectives that you hold. Perhaps someone in an executive team believes that environmental sustainability should be a top focus and another executive believes other priorities are more important so conflict emerges as they decide on budget priorities.?
Values Conflict can also be caused by beliefs and expectations about work conduct and behaviour. For example, is swearing ok in the office? Is it ok to be 5 minutes late for a meeting? What if the meeting is with your boss? Can you eat or check email during a presentation etc.?
In mediation, Values Conflict is common around ambiguous topics such as agreeing on what is ‘respectful communication’ or where is the line between ‘micromanaging’ and appropriate supervision of tasks. In these situations, the way we usually deal with them is a candid, respectful conversation exploring each person’s perspectives. This is followed by setting clear expectations moving forward regarding each person’s behaviour and anything else needed.?
When these kinds of Values Conflict issues come up, it is often helpful to avoid assumptions about the reasons or motivations behind the other person’s behaviour. Perhaps that person who is late for meetings has been told by someone else that lateness is acceptable here, so it’s not a sign of disrespect but you are just working from different expectations of values. Even if you are correct and they are being selfish, inconsiderate, foolish etc. if they think you are criticising them they are likely to respond defensively. Avoiding using such labels, even when accurate, and taking a more solution-focussed approach is important if the goal is improving the working relationship.?
The resolution of Values Conflicts often involves getting clarity regarding each of each party’s values. You could say something like, “I wanted to talk about when you’re late for our meeting. I might be a bit old-school, but I see being late for a meeting with your boss as unprofessional. Other people might see it differently though, so I wanted to let you know my thoughts and I’d like to hear your perspective on this”. Or asking a question like, “Sometimes I have an important client calling me during a meeting - I’d appreciate your guidance on how I should manage those situations. Do you prefer me to answer and we pause the meeting or just call them back as soon as we’re finished?”
As in these examples, when dealing with Values Conflict it is important to name the issue and set up a future and solution-focussed conversation. In some situations this can be done preemptively. For example, “I know some people don’t mind writing messages on phones during meetings. I just wanted to mention that I don’t view this as appropriate and I expect you to turn your phone off unless you’ve spoken with me about an important matter beforehand. Are there any issues with that?”.?
If nothing else, a short-term goal in dealing with Values Conflict could simply be to stop things getting worse even if a fuller solution isn’t apparent at the time. In these cases, the ideas you look at might just be on avoiding the issue from escalating. For example, “I know we’ve got different ideas around how team meetings should be run. As a management team, it’s important that staff see us as having a consistent approach. Could we touch base and see if we can find a middle ground in the short term until we figure out the ongoing meeting structures?”
Structural Conflict
The final type of driver for conflict are structural factors which can contribute to Structural Conflict. In an organisation this can be things like setting KPIs and benchmarks, lines of reporting, delegations, communication, decision-making processes etc. If the marketing department has just lost half the team but are still expected to do the same work, this will likely cause conflict at some level. Thus an option for resolving this kind of conflict is changing the structure such as outsourcing some of the marketing team’s work so that they aren’t overwhelmed but other sections of the organisation aren’t negatively impacted.?
In other contexts, structures can also contribute to conflict. Going to speak with someone rather than responding to an escalating email chain might take the heat out of the situation. Organising someone to cover for the front desk staff might mean that they can all take lunch when they want rather than taking turns and getting frustrated and hangry. Increasing the amount a manager can spend on their company credit card might mean that they can avoid delays in approvals when ordering materials.?
Even simply applying structure where there isn’t any can help. Many startups operate on a moment-by-moment basis for a long period of time and don’t have formal meetings simply because they aren’t needed with such a small team in a fast-moving landscape. Smaller community-based not for profits can be similar, with a very flexible and unstructured way of working. What often happens though is that as these organisations grow, more formal structures are needed to manage the increase in complexity once things start to develop momentum. If structures are not introduced, it’s like that issues will emerge that cause conflict and it can be a bit of a balancing act to get it right.
Dealing With Multiple-Type Conflict?
Often there is more than one factor involved that is contributing to a conflict situation. If so, it can cause issues when you are both focussing on different areas. For example, if one person keeps focussing on the fact that being late for meetings is disrespectful (Values Conflict) and the other person focuses on the fact that no one ever told them that it was an issue to be just a few minutes late (Data Conflict) then there isn’t much chance for positive resolution - typically these conversations end with a frustrated agreeing to disagree.?
By contrast, if one person realises that there is a mis-match, they can realign the conversation. For example saying something like, “You’ve mentioned a number of times that I didn’t explicitly tell you about being on time, and you’re right, I didn’t mention it until now” (i.e. the Data Conflict is acknowledged). “At the same time, I’m your boss and from my perspective, it is a sign of respect to be on time. When you aren’t on time, it means I’m here waiting even when I have other urgent tasks to focus on” (introducing Interest Conflict). I’ve noticed the pattern and wanted to flag it with you so you know my perspective. I’d like to know your thoughts on the issue so we can get on the same page moving forward”.?
Final Word
My primary goal of writing this article is that it is useful for situations you encounter in the future. However, this framework can also be used to reflect on past conflict - especially if we feel like we didn’t get closure or are still carrying something with us from that experience.?
From issues as a child to earlier career experiences, if we can understand why a past conflict occurred it can be very helpful. If we realise that contextual factors contributed to a relationship breakdown, it might help us avoid taking on unrealistic guilt as a result of feeling responsible. This model can also help us to empathise with others and identify possible causes for their behaviour beyond the black and white assumptions we might be making. It can also help us to learn from our mistakes in the past by identifying how our actions contributed to the situation and prevent these from occuring in the future.?
I hope that this overview of the types of conflict is helpful. If you have any feedback or questions I welcome you to contact me.