Understand what you want from him

Asking for what you want from a man is hard. Asking for what you want when you don’t know why you want it can be crippling.

If you don’t know why a desire is coming up, the root of it could be anything. It could be coming from your heart, your head, your dick, or somewhere else.

Confusion around where your desires come from makes it harder to manifest what you truly want because manifestation thrives on specificity. This confusion can also serve to increase suffering because it keeps us in our heads thinking about what happened in the past and what might happen in the future.

“I want a partner”

One of the most common desires I hear about is that of wanting a partner, boyfriend, or someone to connect with.

How does this desire show up in your body?

The heart may yearn for a partner for stability, trust, connection. The dick may want to be seen more regularly. And the head may want someone to talk with at night… or it may simply want to stop thinking about how to cook for one). 

It is important to understand and acknowledge these desires - all of them valid. And it is important to ask whether a person will fulfill the desires of the heart, head, and dick.

Confusion around desire leads to suffering

If you are confused about the desires of your heart, head, and dick, it is easy to translate them into old habits, patterns based on cultural conditioning, or unreal expectations.

If the heart wants stability and connection, it may try to force that new amazing friend that the head loves into some relationship hole that neither truly wants to be in.

And that is painful for everyone.

Clarity around why you ask for something releases suffering

But if you go deeper into your body when your desires come up… if you can be still and listen to what it is saying, you can manifest more of what you truly want.

If your heart wants stability and connection and you know that - you know what it feels like in your physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies - you can recognize when it is not present and when it is.

With that data, you can negotiate with yourself and with those around you with much more clarity and simplicity.

It becomes easier to say, “this handsome, intelligent man is connecting with my head and dick but not so much with my heart. I don’t know what that’s about right now, but I know what it feels like and I’m going enjoy these moments and not try to force a romantic relationship.” 

Being able to discern how your body is speaking to you helps you release unfounded hopes and disappointments.

Understanding why makes it easier to ask for

I believe the most important factor in any desire is to understand who it is for. 

When you meet someone and you notice that you want to step in closer - question that and ask why. Is it for your head, your heart, your dick, your childhood trauma, your spiritual body, your physical body, your revenge? 

When you know that, you can ask for what you want and more easily create powerful new realities. Instead of saying to someone, “Would you like to have coffee again?” this gives you the power to be clear and say, “I am noticing that I feel really safe around you and I think you have the most amazing eyes. I’d like to have more of this. Would you like to come over to my house and let me cook you dinner?”

Our bodies hold all of the wisdom we need to navigate our desires and create what we want out of life. We just have to rediscover that relationship and relearn that language. 

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Adam Nicholson is a Sacred Intimate and Spiritual Coach based in Manhattan. He is hosting the Ask retreat at Easton Mountain from February 26 - March 1, 2020. For more information about Adam and his work, please visit https://adamnicholson.co/.